[Not dead yet]

I'm actually at an advanced stage in my career, however due to unforseen circumstances I've had to relocate my thread. I'll give a brief rundown of it so far:

2009/10

Started out unemployed, but within a few weeks I was offered a few jobs.
Took over as manager of United FC in the South African Inland Division. We finished fifth, a decent start, with some promise shown.

2010/11

Finished the season in third place, a solid effort and with only two points separating us and a playoff place, there was hope for the following season.

2011/12

Won the league bya slim two point margin. Defeated Ikapa Sporting on a 2-1 aggregate result to win promotion to the South African Premier League.

2012/13

Finished last in a dreadful campaign in the South African Premier League. Was unable to bring in the necessary recruits to make us viable top flight players, the gulf in finances between us and even other relegation candidates was clearly evident.

2013/2014

Finished second last in a season that saw me give up on United FC. A combination of an unabmbitious board, a dearth of talent in the South African Leagues at this point and a desire to join a club that matched my ambitions, meant I decided to resign at the end of the season.

Was out of a job for the remainder of 2014.

2015

Took over at the ridiculously named Ulsan Hyundai Mipo Dockyard, a promising side in the Korean National League who had finished fourth in the league the previous season. In brilliant fashion, we finished exactly fourth this season. Still, it was good to remain competitive and whilst I was finding it difficult to adjust to the complexity of dealing with triple barrelled short names, it was good to get the experience under me.

We also finished runners up in the Korean FA Cup, a very impressive feat, if a little lucky.

2016

We won the f*cking league. It was tight, however we broke the league record for goals scored and ultimately deserved it, even if the league win came as a result of defeating Yesan in a playoff.

It was at the end of 2016 that I learned that there is no promotion or relegation in the Korean leagues, in essence making my move to the feeder league similar to trying to impreganate my shoe. Very quickly I tendered my resignation.

2016/17

I joined Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk in the Ukrainian Premier League, with eight games remaining they sat in twelfth. We finished the league in eleventh place, with a lot of improvements to be made.

As it stands, if I had a choice, I'd organize a gangbang in a minefield for the majority of these players, indeed the prospect of being bumf*cked by explosives may actualy mentally stimulate some of these players. With that said, there are some gems hidden away, including Nicolas Millan, whom I'm sure the majority will know of.

On top of that, a thirty thousand seater stadium, top training facilities and youth academy, so the infrastructure is there.

However, initial scouting suggests that there is not too much top Ukrainian talent to sign, I'm always a fan of signing local players, the previous management have encumbered the squad with nine foreign players, with there being a limit of five in the starting eleven in a match, it basically means selling the sh*t and hoping some shiny new sh*t arrives in the mail in time for the new season.

Fingers crossed.

[Not dead yet]

Possibly one of the most clinically dull pre-seasons I have ever had the displeasure of being involved in. I think this was summed up by being invited to the wrist slicingly named "Friendly Cup", which we won, but I'm not proud of that fact and hope to never be involved with such dross again, although I'm not expecting to be getting a call from Ajax and the Amsterdam Cup team any soon.

I sold some of the sh*t, mainly to cover my expenses, fixing some obvious leaks in our defense, adding two excellent wingers, Pistoskyi being a player who my scout recommended to me, but one I have had previous experience with whilst managing Metalurg Zaporizhzhya in FM 09.

I don't expect much better than a high mid table finish, but then simply not getting relegted would be a bonus.

[Oba]

Enjoy your careers and this looks good too. You seem to like Ukraine.

[Not dead yet]

It's a pretty decent gateway league. It has a good catchment of players, yet the lower top league clubs have a fairly poor reputation, meaning there's a good chance of getting a job there if you can manage to get past the semi-pro teething problems when first starting out in your Sunday-League career.

[Not dead yet]

At the halfway stage we're playing a pretty stable game. I've got to be honest, a lot of losses have come in the final few minutes, with myself trying to push for a win. I wouldn't call it suicide, but given the strength of this side, I'd rather walk away with a loss than a draw. We play good football, but are just not clinical. I'll leave that ball in the fact that the previous few years this side was playing 3-5-2, with a sweeper and wingbacks.

New signings have bedded in well. particularly Predrag Tasic, who, at the start of the season, was bagging a goal a game, that was until goal seven, now he just walks around like he gets a goal a game. Still, it's a good sign, all of my signings have been relatively young so being able to positively shape their arc of potential means this club should see the benefits in two or three years.

The other piece of news is the fact we've reached the semi-final of the Ukrainian Cup:



We've already beaten Arsenal Kiev, away from home, so the prospect of progressing is a very real and a very helmet-strokingly appealing one; what with this being a season I'm probably going to want to forget. Still, whatever happens during the second half, the talent is there, it just seems right now like it's stuffed inside the inflated balls of a fifty five year old.

[Not dead yet]

Anything that will give me an opportunity to play more football is a welcome addition. I figure something relatively harmless yet potentially fruitful in terms of raising my profile can only be a good thing.

It's not to say things are going badly, I'm enjoying the typically industrious nature of life in Ukraine's Premier League, but something to fall back on in case the worst happens suits me well.

As an aside, the date is the 26th of November 2017.

[Not dead yet]

Winning against Шахтар is always a good sign of where you club stands in Ukraine. I've been disappointed recently that we've been firmly stuck in the middle of the table, making little progress. However closer inspection, following this excellent result, shows us five points behind second place (nine behind leaders Shakhtar) which is not a lot at all.

Hopefully the final eleven games can see us push upwards, but as it stands it's good to see the foundations taking their position in the latter stages of this season.

[Not dead yet]

In what is becoming a recurring theme for myself and the clubs I manage, yet another cup final appearance for my fans to get excited about. It's rather odd that I continue to perform so excellently in cups but find myself lacking that final edge on occasion with my teams in the league, indeed in my career I have won two league titles, but have also had two nationwide cup final appearances whilst managing in a lower league.

Hopefully this time we'll actually win, although my old foes Shakhtar will be waiting for me at the Olympiyskyi.

[KEZ7]

This is brilliant mate. How did you set the game up? League wise I mean

[Giant Crab Man]

Good luck in the final.

What leagues did you load up ?

[Not dead yet]

Argentina, Chile, England, Italy, South Africa, South Korea, Spain, Ukraine.

[Not dead yet]

The sun sets on the battle to get as close to the glorious rays of light beaming out of Shakhtar's arse, Metalist Kharkiv doing valiantly and achieving a five year all club best by being within eleven points (GO THEM!). Our effort was a little more subdued. It may be a little flattering of me to say that at times I thought we would break out from our catatonic averageness and rampage through the higher end of the table, one broken Marxist dream at a time. However it was not to be...

In fact our season is really well summed up by the graph depicting our fluctuating league position. We could be amazing, we could be sh*t, but ultimately we lacked the finishing touches to make us contenders nor the overall ineptitude to make us dancing clowns.

But, and this is an important but, we made progress. Last year we finished eleventh, accumulating thirty three points, a twelve point improvement. A real carrot is the fact that merely improving ourselves by half that point increase from last year will see us well in the mix for European places; that's where the beach head is planted firmly for the assault on the fortress of Shakhtar.

As a unit, we're okay, that much we do know, but really for me this season, we drew too much. We let in a f*ck load of late goals, be that myself not being as tactically astute as I should be in the latter stages of matches or defensive frailties, I will endeavour to correct these mistakes.

As for the highlights of the season, a breakout debut season for Dejan Djuric who looks likely to be a true world class footballer following his move from Arsenal Kiev. He's still only 22 and if he doesn't achieve his dreams with us (odds on) then he'll definitely attract an eight figure fee from some well oiled Arabic fellow (please!). Add Predrag Tasic and Nicolas Millan's blossoming strike partnership, Victor Syvukha's emergence as the leading pretender for international half back stardom and the lights are there. It's just a case of building a house fit to hold them in.

Oh. wait, I forgot, I still have a cup final to play. Back soon...

[Not dead yet]

I do believe Dnipro Dinpropetrovsk are the Ukrainian Cup champions!

What a game. We contained the f*ck out of them like the US Rangers closing in on Saddam, noose in hand we took the blows and struck at the right moments, when we needed to.

Artur Kas'kov is a player no one here will have ever heard of, but he is a real player who currently plays for Metalurg Zaporizhzhya, although at the moment he is sixteen and does not yet know he will become a future Dnipro legend, coming off the bench to first equalise in the dying moments before winning the game in the final five minutes of extra time with an outrageous thirty five yard lob over the keeper. Oh the joys of football management.

This is our second victory, out of three games, against Shakhtar this season, surely we must perform like this on a regular basis.

All in all, a fine season and with us tongues out firmly in the rectal cavity of Shakhtar Donetsk preparing for the prostate exam of a lifetime...

[KEZ7]

Brilliant mate, well done

Does that mean a European return for Dnipro?

[Not dead yet]

A slim loss to Shakhtar, which hopefully could be precedence for the rest of the season. I have no issue with being bridesmaid for this year, as long as we catch the bouquet then we're guaranteed to tie the knot at some point.

Pre season was five victories against five Ukrainian opposition of varying degrees of quality, a good exercise in how our new 4-4-2 will work out and also a chance to get to grips with our new signings.



I've only brought in a handful of young players within the limits of my financial means, as it stands the club is leaking money, our balance has dropped from eighteen million to five million in the last five years, which means we're not getting enough fans into the 31,000 seater stadium, the six thousand season tickets sold is horrible, but the only way to change it is by succeeding. Hopefully the UEFA Europa League will provide us with some much needed reprieve.

Ultimately this will be an unchanged squad from last year, so making an improvement of six points may be a hard ask, but if we can do it then we'll have a real achievement on our hands.

[Not dead yet]

Our first sojourn across the borders sees us tackling caged giants Manchester United, who are no longer the dominant force they once were in English football. It's a good little group, some potential to pick up points but if nothing happens, so be it, at least it gets us out of the house.

[Tarrantino]

I love the writing

Tough group, points off Rosenborg are likely I'd say? Good luck

[Not dead yet]

I'll be honest, when I asked for a six point improvement on last year's points tally, I was being optimistic, hell finishing in the top four was going to be an ask, but I soldiered on. Amazingly the group of players I brought in last season have stepped up a gear. It may be a case of just growing as a unit, but aside from a backup fullback I've not brought in any players who play regularly in the first eleven. Confusing, maybe or perhaps the adjustments to my tactics have worked. Either way, right now, cloud f*cking nine.

Admittedly I'm still very nervous, but going into games I now have a real desire to grab them and ram them down the throats of my opponents, to embarrass them. Indeed we've systematically taken apart some teams in the fifteen league games, not to mention some interesting games in the Europa League (although with the group yet to be complete I'll leave that for another update).

I've secured the signing of a player who I believe will provide some real technical quality and all around ability to the side that should stand us well over the next few years. Even though he was transfer listed, I still had to pay £4.4m for him, which is very expensive in my eyes, but to me his abilities warrant the price. Indeed he is the kind of player that a great side should have in it so I'm very excited to welcome in January.



It appears we're moving in the right direction and even though it might not last, it's nice to get a little reach around from Shakhtar instead of us doing all the work for once.

[KEZ7]

I love you're writing mate. Such a funny quality.

What experience did you start with?

[Not dead yet]

I started out as Sunday League, no point in being International if I'm trying to have a realistic career.

This post has been edited by Not dead yet: 08 January 2010 - 12:03 AM