Dolphins in the Poole

Our next game was the official one for the title, against Bath. In theory if we manage to get just one point it is mathematically impossible for any other team to catch up with us. So at the advise of Jermaine I had an official team talk. In which I managed to "smoke out" two major pussies. One was supposed to be our captain next season... Katy Parry... that's out of the question now. Second one is more concerning... our very young goalkeeper is feeling the pressure. I can only hope he wont crack under the pressure.

Spoiler alert, he cracked. We got beat 3-1, really bad. We are also pretty sure he shat himself during the match...

... and it was not even the most interesting thing that happened during the match. The first seal of the apocalypse was officially broken, when "Cant Score" Vences not only scored (his 5th!) but did so using his head. He was the shortest player on the pitch. It looks like the end of the world is coming.

The other crazy thing that happened is that WE WON THE BLOODY TITLE!

It seems everybody is both shocked and delighted. Even tho we were at the top for months now, it was definitely not a given that we will win the title. It was a very close race at the end...

I decide to continue the tradition of "big party sacking". Giving our Perry the boot during the title celebration. To keep everyone in line... the preparations for next season HAVE BEGUN!

During the party, we also had a makeshift award ceremony. Giving away cheap plastic thingies for the followings:
Top Goalscorer Award:
#1 Justin "Constipation" Leavers, with 29 in 51 apps.
#2 Josh "Word" Street, with 22 in 48 apps.
#3 Corby "The Smile" Moore, with 9 in 52 apps.
Nothing surprising here, it seems my gamble on the Justin not to poo himself infront of goal payed off. He has the speed and the kick to still lead us next year, if no other team tried to steal him from us. Josh was also had a crazy season, but he mostly scored when we needed it, and the rest of the time he was helping Justin score. Moore's position on as the AMC explains why he is the only midfielder on the list. Basically the trio in attack were the players who scored the most. Shocking I know...

Best Cook Award (for Assists):
#1 Rodrigo "Rodmandinger" Schimitdinger Mann, with 15 in 50 apps.
#2 Josh "Word" Street, with 12 in 48 apps.
#3 Corby "The Smile" Moore, with 11 in 52 apps.
If you would have told me when I signed him, that Rodrigo will be worth 15 assists this season, or even PLAY most of it... I would not believe you. I thought being so fragile in a physical league will take its tole. But he was really good consistently... He even had a few crazy magical moments. A shame he will probably not continue with us next year, as he refuses to talk contracts. Street showed maturity, almost giving away goals for Justin so I couldn't be prouder.  And of course Moore... Being the AMC and giving the last pass before the goal is literally his job. I am shocked not to see Parsons here, as he was supposed to be the Rodrigo on the other side...

Iron Man Award (for most minutes played):
#1 Jake "The Ripper" Harvey, with 4,545 in 51 apps.(tied with) Justin "Constipation" Leavers, with 4,545 in 51 apps.
#2 Jamie "Catch'Em" Whisken, with 4078 in 47 apps.
#3 Rodrigo "Rodmandinger" Schimitdinger Mann, with 4078 in 50 apps
Somewhat surprising to see Harvey here, even tho he is the GK... his age alone should have kept him on the bench for larger parts due to lack of experience. He did have a few games in which he totally broke. In the cup when he was substituted in during half time and in our last game against Bath. Bath by the way ended up promoting as well (from playoffs), I think they owe Harvey their promotions.The Official season summery made by the fans:

Its a Justin-fest both among the fans who consider him our best player. AND he won the Top Goalscorer of the season award.

First shocking move by the chairman is to get the club into heavy debt in order to BUILD A NEW GODDAMN STADIUM! Not only that, he names it after Tom Killick! The man who for 12 years did not reach with this club to the Vanarama National league... The same man not in charge on keeping it in the league... But why not make it as hard as possible for the man who IS supposed to do it.

For the next 2 years we will play away from home. SO we are not only recently promoted, but we will basically play 100% of our games away... Either the chairman thinks I am some kind of a magician, or he just does not believe we can pull it off. Convincing his pals in city hall to invest in the club "during its heyday".

We did more than doubled our tickets holders, but I doubt 5,000 people will suddenly show up to see us play at "home". Since its not even that close! 33min by car... We are really pushing it here... I think we need to be extremely grateful for each fan who is bothered to come and see us. Not make it as awkward as possible for the hoe fans to follow us... Why such an ambitious 2 year plan? I am sure a few improvements in the stands will make the fans happier...

Not to mention the financial burden, roughly 170,000 euro annually. That's 8.5 players earning our current maximum wage! I can build a whole team just on that budget alone...

During the "vacation" none of staff actually had. I managed to bang my National Licence B and since we are spending I convinced the chairman to send me on the National Licence A course AND to allow us another scout:

Not much to say, has an eye for players and a lack of hair.Why did I say we did not have much of a break? Because we ended up signing 22 players... It was a crazy process indeed. But first... who left:

I kept my promise to Nick to allow him to move at the end of the season, as he was not happy being a 2nd fiddle to a much younger lad. Harvey did brake mentally every time we needed him, and he even slacked off some in training. He is literally a worse player this season compared to last season. Yet... he has such good raw talent that he is STILL good enough in my humble opinion. Don't get me wrong, we did try to sign another better goalkeeper... but all negotiations failed. I do not want to bring a similar "iffy" goalkeeper, if I bring someone... he will be allot better than Harvey.The Wall for some reason refused to sit at the negotiation table, despite officially saying he is one of my biggest fans... I am pretty sure he refuses to talk because of me. Maybe even afraid to fail the fans that still see him as an icon, at a level of football he is not necessarily good enough for. Especially not now, at 33. He even officially announced his retirement... saying he will "Keep to semi professional football only", as if pro teams were knocking on his door... It seems he went somewhat senile at his old age, as all of his recent statements are just baffling. I for one, will not really miss him. He lacked the one thing you expect from an experienced defender... discipline.Josh Wakefield was another one who flat out refused to sit and talk. Realizing this level of football is beneath him... I am pretty sure he got that idea from me. So I have no one to blame but myself. He is indeed a very talented player and I will follow his career and hope him nothing but good luck.Rodrigo did eventually decide to sit and talk wages, but he was asking for ridiculous amounts for his talents. The previous seasons 15 assists got to his head, along with gallons of piss if you ask me. The national division is not the south regional division, and he is a a player with tons of glaring holes in his game. Lack of speed and strength just to name two... so to plainly put it, he was just not worth what he was asking. We parted ways.Kyran, Jacob and Ladije proved to just be surpluses. Kyran didn't mange to leave a mark despite many chances given, while the same could be said for the other two. Luck Burbridge was one of those players who "ran away" form the "sinking shit" together with Richard almost as soon as I got appointed as manager. Bet they regret it now... they got the boot when the came back from loan. Needless to say Richard didn't even bother to show up... bet he regrets his snarky comments by now...As far as tactics go... nothing new under the sun. Still don't believe I can attract decent M/AM/R/L so I don't even bother. Since we just promoted and have a bunch of kids basically, and not playing at home (I have all the excuses!). 5-3-2 Counter will remain, with an optimistic option to convert it into a more classic narrow 4-1-2-1-2 set on control.

As I mentioned previously, we are stuck with the same Gk from last year. We actually had a signed a backup GK last year, but I totally forgot about him.

Alan is... fairly bad, he also did not improve from last year and I sincerely hope we will not have to use him... just wanted to mention he exists and I will not start the season with just one goalkeeper like some kind of a crazy person.The "primary" defensive line is (the 3 MC's) is out newly appointed captain Big Marv who showed no signs of improvement nor of deterioration since last season. His kind words when we won the title last season earned him the captainship. Who knew saying your manager is the best ever, and all of the team success is only because of him will pay off...

His reaction tho... he turned out to be a giant wuss, saying he is too young to be the captain. Don't know what he wants, he IS one of the oldest players in the squad. He is 21. He will mainly play with 17-18 years old... I fear my team will really struggle mentally if we don't get a few good results going from the start.

Somewhat of a wonder-kid around these parts, Joy is a London born Belgian via Congo Tottenham fan. Earning the early on the nickname Yiddo-Kiddo due to his hotspuriness. Alto somewhat weak mentally he already has at the tender age of 17 all the right defensive attributes. He is fast, he can tackle and he know where to stand. His total lack of skill with the ball shouldn't be a major problem at this level of football. He knows he is good, so negotiations were not easy. Luckily for us he does not have an agent yet... and we managed to snag him with an early offer of "real wages" worth 20,000 euro per year. I really think this one is a keeper and that we will end up building our defense around him in years to come.

Second guy signed for the starting 11 is none other than King Arthur himself from Queens Park Rangers. Fast big and strong, and somewhat of a charismatic leader as well. Physically he is one of the best defenders we have, and even that has a big question mark as he seems to "gas out" fairly early in training. I just need him to put in effort in bursts, and not strain himself for the whole game. So I hope it wont be such a big deal. His main problem is one all of our defenders have... really weak mentally and technically. You cant have it all at this level and I think he will do well enough. Considering we are just battling to avoid relegation.The rest of the defensive signings are "just" talented 18 years old kids, with this or that going for them. As per my agreement with the Chairman to be judged on youth development.

First on the younglings list is Darnell from Barnet, a team who is supposed to dominate this league following their Relegation. Who is basically a younger version of The Wall. Big, Tall, Strong and slow. He also lacks the tackling abilities of the much more experienced Wall, but he is not bad at it either. Stronger mentally than most of my other defense team, which isn't saying much really...

Second kid I have high hopes for is Romarno. Fast, Smart can Tackle. He is like a younger better version of Catch'Em, should be good enough I think. We got him from Charlton.

Another kid with some potential in defense is Charlie Fox from Queens Park Rangers. He is basically like the guys in the opening line, only worse. What sets him apart is that he really knows where to stand, and that he will only be payed if and when he plays. I doubt he will improve much, but I just couldn't ignore the possibility that he might...

The same could be said about Sam Woods from Crystal Palace. A tall guy who can tackle and mark... with glaring lack of technical skills and questionable mental strength. For basically "free" we will have him.

Eales is big and strong and just 18. As you notice we got allot of defenders from QPR... I think Elder Smith just went to the QPR training ground and asked all of their rejects to come check out this new cool club from the Vanarama National. Free candy on trial, bring a friend.

Last one of these similar too-good-to-ignore-because-of-age-and-cost is soon to be DC Fastnamara. What can I say? I like fast kids... Got him from Millwall.These guys join the existing defensive squad of: Former captain and now vice-captain Jaimie "Cath'Em" Whisken, Twin brother "Small Marv" & Broken leg recoveree Josh "The Brisk" Banton.On the wing-backs front we have two newcomers,

Bran the Builder the lost Stark, who hopefully will BUILD some of our plays. He is very similar yet the direct opposite of Rodrigo. Very technical and cant really cross, and weak physical. Only he is more... EXTREME. He REALLY cant cross... but can dribble fairly well. While Rodrigo was just technical yet somewhat bad at both... I think this will prove somewhat a step backwards. I can guarantee you now that he wont get 15 assists this season... I do plan to tell him to dribble more, and only cross from the byline.... curious to see how that will work.

Solo is my answer to a very slacking Parson. He is just the best I could find defensively speaking. He really isn't a good player... Somewhat slowish, weakish, can crossish and very dumb. Yet, unlike the others, he is quite strong mentally and I hope that will come into play somehow for us... I just cant find anything better... They join the degrading Parsons, and "wonderkid" Dandelion.As you can notice, our defensive situation is quite dire. I really hoped I would be able to attract better defensive players...

From Wolves via Bromley we managed to snag Dudley born Zimbabwean not yet international Tendai.

Who I think will be a great player for us. Very similar to Eli, so he can play in the AMC position if we lose Eli to an injury. He is a very explosive player, quick to think and execute passes. Can even hold the ball more or less. Is not the weakest and not a terrible hole in defense... well... maybe a hole, but not as big as others. Of course he is weak mentally... and another trend this year: cant cross for shit. His default position I think, will be a box to box midfielder. Signing him got us in talk with another Anglo-Zambian Rugare Musendo.

Who is basically a clone of N'Golo Kanté. Ok... I might be exaggerating... but am I? A fast player who can tackle decently. Pass extremely well, if not creatively. Somewhat similar... He does have a few glaring problems. But nothing a ball wining midfielder cant get over. I hope he and Tendai will forge a bond in my midfield and maybe dominate the league? A man can dream can he not...Since I found players for the main squad, I started looking at some youth with a shred of potential. I even singed a few:

Another wannabee DMC Aki is a hardworking fast annoying midget who likes to play way out of trouble. I hope he can help us waste a few minutes defensively when he comes in from the bench. Plus who knows... he might even improve!From Bristol Rovers we got a yong lad that reminds me of our own maestro. He has a very creative approach to the game, something really unique at this level.

From Peterborough we got a similar player. A very very slow player, but one that has the passing abilities of a premiership player. I just hope than at least one of them improves some.


From Swindon we got "Eyebrows", to be honest he was one of the first signing but now I am starting to realize he is not that good. He is fast and can tackle and Passs, but his lack of any mental strength and technical skills will just prove too much. He is also officially too old to play for the U18... which is a bummer, as he probably wont see much pitch even in my Reserves.These guys are joining the existing squad of, Corby "The Smile" Moore , a somewhat newer and improved Elijah "Eli" Gabsi who can now officially play as an AMC as I originally envisioned for him & maestro Andre "Tiki-Taka" Olukanmi.

What can I say, I am an ass. Despite having the top goalscorer and fans darling Justin. A kid that I signed. I just do not believe he has what it takes in the Vanarama National. Here we do not have the same strenght in the other sides of the pitch to allow him the freedom to move as much. In addition we many force Professional team, who would be more organised to stop a fast guy like him, and force him to take shots he wont necessarily be able to score from.Same could be argued against Street, who was my personal hero last season. Both were signed with avoiding relegation from the Vanarama South, and I am shocked they did THAT good. So... given a chance to sign better versions of them, so I did.

The better Street is Anglo-Nigerian DD. A taller, faster more experience and technical player. He comes from Dulwich Hemlet where he only scored one goal in 15 appearances, which is very worrying for me. HI heyday was in 2015 when he scored 23 in 26 apps for Grays. On paper, he should perform decently as a Target Man. Better than Street as least...

The slightly better version of Justin is Joe Iaciofano. Got hi from Northampton, and I dont know what they fed him but he is very fast. He should also perform better in-front of goal and is even determined. Hell, he is even tall (186 cm). "Only" downside is that he is fairly lazy.

Another interesting kid we got from Luton. Is technical poacher Verney. Who Jeremie insisted we should sign because of his unusual agility. He is VERY weak mentally tho... lazy and spineless and what not... He is only 18, so who knows.

Very similar is Skepelhorn which we got from Chelmsford. He even played last season in the same league with us, scoring 5 in 18 apps. He is very determined and has almost a golden touch with the ball. Out of all of these kids, I believe in him the most.

Dejon is just a very young lad with some shred of talent. We got him from Oxford, "real" Oxford not Oxford city. He will go straight into Childlovers warm embrace in the U18's.

A guy who wont go there, in Fact I have no idea where he is supposed to go... is Nathaniel. A very Fit individual, with all the right moves for a deep lying forward. He plays with the back to goal, and comes deep to get the ball. Only... and I do not know how to say it gently... he is fairly thick... in the head. He cant pass creatively, in fact he can barely pass. As a target man, he is also awkward, at only 183 cm if he wont use his strength to get to the ball he will just get beat as he cant leap. That will mean cards. He is too slow to be a poacher, and in general cant last much. On the other hands he can shoot well and is even placing shots, and he will carve himself the necessarily space to place a good shot using his strength alone. Clearly this guy has talent, I just do not know how to use him in our current system. We got him from Eastborogh Boro which means he played in the same division as us, but he only got 1 chance and was decent (6.7) but failed to score.  Which is odd, as only the previous season he scored 18 in 40 apps. While his heyday was with Carshalton in 2012 when he scored 21 in 30 apps. At only 26 years old, he is clearly a veteran at these levels.

Joining the existing superstar attacking squad of, The man who got us promoted with a pulled hamstring Josh "Word" Street who actually became a wee-bit slower. Probably the injury. Vanarama South top goalscorer and fans new favorite Justin "Constipation" Leavers who sadly shows no signs of improvement despite a season most strikers can only dream of. Fans hated I-can-only-score-when-it-does-not-count Vences "Finess" Bola who I think the fans might be right, and he is not good enough for this level. Since keeping hi around costs us nothing basically, there is no real reason to let him go. Our own "wonderkid" Pool native Charlie "White Dolphine" White which does show minute signs of improvement. And the ice man himself, Nico "Ice" Thongvistat who will most likely spend another season on the bench waiting for his chances.

After much deliberation with all the staff, we decided this will be the Ideal first 11. Despite everyone disagreeing with me. In fact they were shocked I value Justin so low on the striker list, and bringing him as a 5th sub was a compression.

In midfield we I decided to put the Zimbabwean pair, with Roger moved slightly to the right to help the more defensively challenged Bran the Builder. The rest is as I originally envisioned.The league itself should be totally Dominated by Barnet, according to the official media reports. Supposed to have an iron defense, made of all the best defenders in the league. They also have some really good midfielders and one of the best strikers... so yeah... I think they should be able to promote, unless most of their squad abandoned ship because of their relegation from the "real" professional league, to the officially semi-pro league.

Which is bullshit if you ask me, there are only 7 semi pro teams in the whole league of 24. How is this a semi-amateur league exactly?? Surprisingly enough we are not supposed to end last in the league, but I suspect it is because the teams name starts with a P. Both us and Guisley have a 1 in 1000 chance of wining the title...So, my list of excuses are ready for the next season:#1 We are only one of the 7 semi pro teams, in a league of professional team.#2 We do not have a home advantage, as our stadium is being build and we play 30minutes away from home.#3 I am playing with youth, as was agreed with the chairman.