New Era, Same Old Newcastle

Introduction: With Newcastle United now one of the richest clubs in the world, I thought I would make things a bit trickier by allowing NUFC to do NUFC things and find themselves in a similar situation to the one Eddie Howe does today. I added a “fake” Steve Bruce manager to the game and watched as he took the club to the depths of the league, winning 1 game in 15. January looms as the squad is plagued by injuries and morale is at an all time low. This story is told from the point of view of a club insider who is strongly considering taking fishing up as a hobby instead. 
 

Chapter One: The Return of The Great OK Dane

It's December at Darlsey Park and Wham!'s “Last Christmas” is playing over the canteen speakers. In any other situation I would have aggressively rolled my eyes and muttered a loud tut at the prematurity of it all. There are currently 14 days until Christmas day and I'm still trying to figure out where summer went. Today allowed for some sort of leeway though, given that it was the first bit of joy I was seeing with my own eyes at Newcastle United this season.

The dreamy bugger that is Fabian Schär has just walked in with some fancy eggs on toast dish with the biggest grin on his face. It's the first time I've seen him smile since he handed in his transfer request over a month ago. Big Joelinton is trying to Shazam the George Michael's dulcet tones and Allan Saint-Maximin has just stormed out after Ciaran Clark couldn't get his head around this new card game he keeps bringing in. All is not right after the sacking of Steve Bruce but at least there is life now on Tyneside. The room isn't as cold as it used to be but that's probably because the new owners just started paying for heating again.

“Could I have all of your attention please” came the powerful tone from the corner of the room. Amanda Staveley stood there looking slightly worse for wear after what must have been a stressful first few weeks in charge. They had given Bruce the benefit of doubt which backfired massively with a flurry of horrendous results.

“We are delighted to announce that our search for a new manager is complete. Former player Peter Løvenkrands will be taking charge after agreeing to join us from Fremad Amager. He will take charge of the Brendtford game so please make sure to give him a warm welcome.”  she added. With that, Lonely This Christmas poured out of the speakers and Schär started to cry.
 

Picture the scene: Loan Manager Shola Ameobi rolling out one of those old televisions on wheels your schoolteacher used to rely upon to take a break from teaching back in the day. An old relic of Mike Ashley's reign was upgraded from VHS to DVD during one of his more ambitious spending sprees. The evening's viewing? Newcastle's 2009-2010 highlights, a championship season in which Andy Carroll, Ameobi and new manager Løvenkrands struck up a lethal partnership. We were halfway through watching an antique Nile Ranger goal vs Coventry City before the new manager walked in with new assistant Jan Wouters by his side.
 

Wouters would be the first of a few staff additions that included club legends Shay Given and Les Ferdinand who was appointed as Director of Football to help the team with additions in January on a short-term contract. 
 

If Shola's feeble attempts to prove some sort of connection between him and the manager did anything, they spurred on a certain Callum Wilson whose prior dry spell was set to end with a flurry of goals for his new Danish manager.

While Løvenkrands' debut was spoiled by the high-flying Brentford, pivotal wins against bottom of the league Crystal Palace and 18th place Norwich silenced critics. West Ham grabbed an underserved win as NUFC hit the bar twice and Aaron Cresswell scored a ridiculous free-kick, while the Magpies posed absolutely no threat to Pep's Citizens. With January finally upon us, the real mission is about to start. The real question remains to be seen if the new owners back an unproven manager or if they decide to upgrade the DVD players to blue-ray.