Breaking the Stereotype

So, Stoke City. They've got a stadium that's not too shabby, top-notch training facilities, and a fan base that's larger and more loyal than your average family dog. You'd think with all that going for them, they'd be ruling the Premier League like a boss. But noooo, they just can't seem to get it together.

Ever since their relegation in 2017-18, Stoke City has been the definition of disappointment. They can't even muster up the energy to finish in the top half of the Championship. It's like they're allergic to success or something.

What these guys really need is a manager who's got some serious magic up their sleeve. And let's not forget about the fans! They need some joy and excitement in their lives, not just endless mediocrity.

Thankfully, Stoke City has owners who are loaded with cash and have a soft spot for the team. But money alone won't cut it, they need a leader who can turn this ship around and make waves in the football world.

So, Stoke, it's time to find that special someone who can bring the magic, the excitement, and maybe even a few trophies to this otherwise lackluster club. Get your act together and start conquering like the mighty Potters you were born to be!

Laying the Foundations for Success

When it comes to our club's staffing situation, let's just say we're in need of a little makeover. We've got to improve in all areas, and that starts with finding the perfect Assistant Manager. I need someone who can handle the media like a pro, run sessions like a boss, and give some solid advice when needed. So, after turning the world upside down in our search (or maybe just checking a couple of LinkedIn profiles), I decided to offer the role to none other than Dennis Bergkamp.

Now, you might be wondering why I chose him. Well, besides his decent attacking and technical coaching skills, there's something else about him that caught my eye - he's a total perfectionist. And let me tell you, that kind of dedication is exactly what this club needs. Plus, let's not forget about the awesome name he brings to the table. I mean, come on, having someone with a name like Bergkamp at a club like Stoke? It's practically a stroke of genius, if you ask me.

I decided to give our staff a little shake-up in other areas too. Let's just say there were some... interesting characters in the bunch. So, I thought, why not find some new blood? A Technical Director, the master of finding top-notch candidates, joined the crew. And to keep things in check, we introduced the mighty Director of Football, who'll be in charge of bringing in new players. Of course, I still have the final say. 

Style of Play

Alright, it's time to debunk the age-old stereotype that clings to Stoke like a hangover on a Sunday morning. You know the one - Stoke, the blood and thunder team that relies on long throws and lanky strikers to stumble their way through games, barely scraping a win by the skin of their teeth.

But fear not, because I've done my research and I'm about to unleash a masterplan that will revolutionise the way Stoke plays the beautiful game. Drum roll, please... introducing the 3-4-3 formation! It's time to say goodbye to the old ways and embrace a system that suits our talented players and, more importantly, lets us build from the back.

Picture this: when we're defending, we drop back into a solid 5 at the back, making our opponents wonder if they've stumbled into a fortress instead of a football pitch. Then, when we're on the attack, our wingbacks will push forward like a pack of rabid teenagers spotting free pizza, creating a glorious overload in the forward areas. Let the opposition tremble as we unleash our relentless onslaught!

It's time for Stoke to rewrite the script and show the world that we're so much more than just a bunch of reckless, one-trick ponies. Game on!

Recruitment Priorities

Now that I've got a master plan up my sleeve, it's time to do some strengthening. We've welcomed a whopping 18 new signings in the last year alone! So, no need for a complete overhaul this time, just a bit of fine-tuning.

First off, we desperately need someone to add depth in the left back position. Then, we could use another centre half to solidify our defence. And, bringing in a striker who can also fill in on the wings when needed would be the icing on the cake.

Just a couple of signings should do the trick. Who's ready to join my quest for football glory? Let's go, team!

Stoke Sign Bertrand

It's the perfect tag team duo - Enda Stevens and our new signing can rotate seamlessly, saving themselves from the grueling physical demands of playing every game. These two experienced players still have a couple more seasons left in them at this level, but let's face it, they're not getting any younger. 

Stoke Sign Kipre

So there I was, minding my own business, when my recruitment team barged in with this player I had never even heard of. I mean, who is this guy? But hey, turns out he's actually pretty decent. And best still, he didn't cost us an arm and a leg!

This dude is tough as nails, a real no-nonsense centre back. He's got determination pouring out of his ears, and he played every game for Cardiff last season. 

Now I can kick Michael Rose to the bench for certain. Sorry, buddy, but you just don't cut it for this team.

All in all, I'm happy to have this guy on board. He'll be our go-to centre half, and I can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

Trouble in Paradise, already....

So, in my last staff meeting the fellas said, "Boss, we should demote Tyrese to Squad player instead of Important first team player." And I was like, "Sure, why not? I've already got some decent options up front, plus Tyrese is always on the injury bench, so no big loss there."

But Tyrese didn't take it well. He got all huffy and called a meeting with me. Then his teammates decided to join the party too, giving me grief for my decision. Now, I'm not one to back down from a good argument, so I managed to tick them off as well! Oops!

Honestly, I couldn't give a toss if Bonham and Thompson are unhappy with my management style. They're just sitting on the sidelines anyway, and I wouldn't mind getting rid of them for peanuts. Wilmot is the only one I'm slightly concerned about, but luckily, Maee has my back. That guy might just earn himself a starting spot in the next game. Good man!

More to come….

Pre-Season Summary - Wesley, My Man!

Well, let me tell you what we've learned from pre-season. Wesley, oh my days, that lad is an absolute goal pig! 10 goals in 4 appearances is magic - he's been banging them in left, right, and center, much better than real life. 

Three at the back with dynamic wing backs appears the way forward for this lot. We've got a good defense now and a decent keeper, so I'm not as worried about getting exposed like I was before. It's all about that good spine, and with Travers, Kipre, Pearson, and our very own Mr. Goal Pig Wesley, I'm feeling pretty happy heading into our first match against Blackburn.

Sorry Blackburn Fans

After beating Rovers 1-0 in our first game of the season, we beat them in the cup too. Ouch! And guess what, Big Wes was at it again, scoring in both matches.

We've only gone and added Zlatan to our Coaching Team! Other than being a technical master, he doesn't have the best coaching attributes. However, like Bergkamp, he's a perfectionist, and should prove to be another stroke of genius!

6 Wins on the Bounce!

Amazing start to the season, much better than I expected. What I love about this formation is how my centre backs add to the attacking phases of play, making runs into midfield, pushing the rest of the team higher up the pitch, and giving us more options in the final third. Nice! Unfortunately, Big Wes got injured in game 3, but luckily my best bud, Ryan Maee, has proved a worthy back-up so far.