The Ganja Trail - A Caribbbean Adventure
A Football Manager Career by Eric PortapottyLeague
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Nation
Saint Kitts and Nevis
Eric Portapotty
There are quite a few - but most of them are contracted, and the only free agent has no interest in joining.
I think our rep's just far too low, if we managed something better than bottom this campaign then that might change.
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Short update for preseason, the guys are back from holiday so it's time to mould this bunch into a remotely functioning outfit.
The friendlies served 2 functions: one, to have the team play together in a non-serious environment (or so I thought anyway); and two, to sign some of the performing greyed-out players from the subteams.
Started well enough, but then losing to the U18s was an embarrassment - wait no, actually not since most of our team are U18s anyway!
This is what I've come up with, I did sign a couple from the U18 side that beat us, and yes the AML will play in central defence - he's 192cm, possesses terrible speed for a 'winger', and can't cross anyway.
He can't head, but with his strength and jumping he'll win the ball most times regardless of his actual defending competence.
Still waiting for a coach and assman, but apparently there aren't actually any 'coaches' in Aruba - instead there are lots of uncontracted HoYDs.
George14brfc
Eric Portapotty
Not well, really - not being able to defeat an U18 side and only a draw in 2 games against fellow league minnows isn't very good news.
The 5-1 in particular, not a good sign at all.
Hard to believe that we were actually tipped for mid-table last season.
No such illusions this time round, though with odds of Evens I'd have expected challenging for honours of some sort, not finishing bottom.
Now I'll give you guys a looks at some of the key players (i.e. not trash):
The least incompetent player by far, set piece taker as well despite possessing minimal passing ability.
De facto captain, mainly by virtue of being older than 16.
His shot stopping skills are rubbish, but since my other GKs aren't much better he will be deployed as an aggressive sweeper keeper a la Neuer, which will theoretically allow me to play a high defensive line. Theoretically, because going by our friendlies it's doesn't really work in practice.
Starter up top, he's a half-decent crosser and only has a Jumping reach of 9 despite being 188cm tall.
Last but not least the left-wing centreback.
His technical ability may be truly abysmal but at least he can win aerial challenges, so the onus will be on his teammates to win the 2nd ball.
League campaign starts soon, monthly updates to follow.
Eric Portapotty
1 match only, which makes this update a bit pointless, I'll admit.
Anyway:
Kartoredjo's not very good, I have no idea what they're on about.
Escalona put away a great free kick, but we then proved to be very wasteful with out chances - 13 shots, 2 on target.
Deservedly punished.
Dan
Cymro
Eric Portapotty
I've tried my hand at amateur clubs before, and I'd expected an easier ride to be honest - I suppose that's what you get for managing a shit club in a shit footballing nation (no offence to any Arubans in this forum).
At least I've having a fun time, good having no expectations at all.
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Awesome result, Escalona with another 2 beautiful freekicks.
Seriously, Escalona is turning out to be our talisman - 3 assists before he was subbed early in the 2nd period while on a yellow and absolutely knackered.
Unfortunately we couldn't hold on for the win.
We've already got half the our points tally from last season in just 3 games! \o/
Though it might not mean much - last season the team got that tally in their 4th game and proceeded to only get 4 more in 10 games.
They're clearly a better side, and they actually have money, but I'm here, and since Escalona is doing things probably for the long haul.
Cymro
Dan
Eric Portapotty
Oh come on guys
All I can offer here is a smidgen of hope hilariously snuffed out my incompetence.
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It's only the 18th here, but thanks to scheduling genius we have no fixtures till January.
Another good win, Escalona took a step back to let Ignacio shine.
Bollocks, famous last words:
Again, incredibly wasteful, and we couldn't find an equaliser despite all our chances.
Balls, my captain gone.
Fallen behind in the promotion race too, far from ideal.
There's also been a managerial merry go-round from that 1st sacking, and I'd been linked with most of them, but nah.
Eric Portapotty
First off, some transfer news:
Shit, didn't see that coming.
It meant that I had to look for a like-for-like, physical replacement:
Ridiculous, he chose not to continue with his youth contract deal (where he gets cash) to sign on amateur terms (where he doesn't get cash).
He did want regular game time though, so that's what I'll give him.
We struggled mightily without any real creative presence, but won in a smash-and-grab with both of our only shots.
Germain Maduro was a bloody idiot, setting up a goal before earning a 2nd yellow for diving.
So in the next match we were truly bereft of any creative spark, and it didn't help that we had to play under another side story:
BOOOO
A match of catalogues of hilarious comedies of errors, as we again fought a losing battle to gain a foothold in the game.
Throughout the match our backline served chance after chance for Sporting on a platter, only for their shots to prove similarly shite.
It was only a matter of time when one of those efforts went it, and so it proved.
So in undoing all our effort against San Nicolas we find ourselves back to Square One - 3 points adrift of the playoff spots.
Escalona is still one match away from returning, we've really missed his presence.
George14brfc
Eric Portapotty
Aye, it eventually got better, still without a coach and an assman though.
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I'd missed a transfer last month:
Meh, below par in his time here, could do without him.
Only beef I have with him leaving is not being able to boast about having a Kyrgyz in my team, and having to find a new rightback:
One of them greyed-out men, because I couldn't be bothered to look to the outside on short notice.
Matches now:
As usual we didn't look overly comfortable despite our lead, at least until Ignacio but the game to bed.
COULD IT BE? 2 WINS IN A ROW?
Playing 3 central strikers has been extremely fruitful so far, with Maduro as the 'Trequatista' with Figaroa and Ignacio beside him as Advanced Forwards.
Figaroa has virtually no useful scoring ability (he's really only in the team to provide width on the left), but Ignacio is on absolute fire, our current top scorer too.
Escalona also returned from his suspension, only to do nothing of real note and getting a caution that earns him another 1-match ban.
Seems like we might have finally taken our chance, as we look to establish ourselves in the playoff spots.
Atlantico will likely win their game in hand and overtake us, but at least I've got one over San Nicolas.
Dan
Eric Portapotty
Man, with all that's going on right now flying might not be a good way to describe this season, if you know what I mean....
But yeah, definitely some sort of form now.
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This is not Egypt, so the youth intake isn't in March 13th.
Nevertheless, transfer news:
You've not seen him before, and you won't get to see his attributes, because he's rubbish.
All you need to know is he started games only in the form of a stopgap and he scored a goal.
Still a hole that needs to be filled though, and so I have:
Another that's in-house, should have signed him much earlier has I noticed that he was a left-footer.
His speed will make a difference, and is his obvious trump card.
We also lost a backup GK, but he's shit so I don't care.
Matches:
Despite dominating possession we struggled to create chances, and yet again paid for our sloppy work at the back.
If I'm honest it's my fault, playing 3 strikers against a back 4 and a DM would inevitably result in a very cramped attacking third.
Again not being completely comfortable with a 2-1 lead, this time even after Ignacio got the 3rd goal.
Regardless, we win and Ignacio gets into double figures in the league this season, the 1st player in the league to do so as well.
All this makes for a very tight race to the finish, with us provisionally holding the keys to the playoff spots.
Even Sporting - who looked out of sight not too long ago - are within our reach, if we win our game in hand.
Ahahaaha, all Estudiantes players past and present - if I had a say in this Ignacio would run away with both awards.
Eric Portapotty
The conclusion of the regular league season - could we usurp Sporting?
Well it certainly didn't help that our month started this way, no shots on target from 7 tells quite the story.
Escalona's not had anywhere near his initial impact since returning from his suspension, and this injury will keep him out for the season.
Bloody awful match to sit through, our defence wasn't quite ready from the off and we paid dearly.
We managed to claw it back and come away with a point, but it's most definitely an opportunity missed.
Anyway, here's how it stood going into our final match of the season:
Lose, and we'll most certainly be out of the playoff race; win, and we are virtually in it, by virtue of a superior goal difference.
To make it that much interesting, we had to meet Sporting - not ideal:
It wasn't pretty, it wasn't really effective, but the win is all that counts.
Though it did come at a price - Ignacio joins Escalona in the treatment room.
Because of the way matches are scheduled over here only 1 game is played per day, so we had to wait a couple of days to discover our fate.
Basically, we were more or less dead certs for the playoffs, while we need to hope for a Caiquetio loss to achieve automatic promotion.
Here's how it played out:
Oh well.
At least we get a bit of cash for our troubles.
Here's the playoff table:
Put simply, a double round robin between the sides 2nd- and 3rd- placed from last in the 1st division, and us and Sporting , top 2 get promoted, bottom 2 get relegated.
Shenanigans everywhere - matches 1-2 and 3-4 will be played within 72 hours, far from a sound scheduling product.
Not to mention playing them without Escalona and Ignacio....
Enough with the bad new though, here's some good news:
COULD IT BE?
I'll literally take anyone at this point - I've resorted to moving some of the guys to the U18s so that the HoYD could coach them, at the risk of incurring their anger.
Still no assistant manager though.
Dan
George14brfc
Eric Portapotty
Suffice to say, not my most enjoyable time.
Bore draw, without both talismen starting we struggled badly in attack.
Escalona played half an hour in the 2nd half, but there wasn't too many he could do about our situation.
Rubbish defending, wasteful in our shooting, and only a goal back from a setpiece.
Worse still:
So he's definitely out for the season, brilliant.
After the 2nd match, treachery occurred:
Oh yeah, move to our promotion rivals in the middle of our playoffs, excellent work.
Disloyal prick.
Due to having only 1 contracted GK left SI kindly supplied me with another greyed-out option, which I took.
Less rubbish than Vegas at shot-stopping, so he'll have to do.
Next up was 3 games in 5 days - seriously, calling shenanigans on this shit now.
Maduro scored with a hopeful shot, but the defence proceeded to let his efforts go to waste with a underpar showing.
'Hope', in the form of a win we didn't deserve, with a winner that we can't claim was from our efforts.
Any 'hope' was now snuffed out, and we were put to our place by a less wasteful outfit.
Incredibly, after these 5 matches we could still qualify - we just needed to beat Brazil Juniors by 3 clear goals and for Estrella to lose to Sporting.
Sporting could well beat Estrella, but us beating Brazil Juniors? You're having a laugh.
Went for an all out approach, which gave the opposition lots of opportunities - Paesch was excellent.
Less so for the attack, going for the shot insead of passing on so many occasions.
Doesn't matter though, snce Estrella beat Sporting anyway.
I do think that we would have been promoted had we not been screwed over so badly by the powers that be - injuries, poaching my starting GK, THE SCHEDULING...
Seriously, next season is title or bust.
All minute consolations.
Okay, probably a seasonal P.S. next with the upcoming youth intake, before the players go on a 3-month break.
Dan
Eric Portapotty
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Postscript:
I'd forgotten to mention some signings that I'd made for cover during the playoffs (as if an amateur squad of around 25 could survive 3 matches in 5 days):
None of my fullbacks have any real pace, but my LBs in particular - he was signed as an attempt to alleviate that issue.
Upon signing him I was told he's rubbish.
Oh well, he's tall and is versatile.
As it turned out Brison managed a goal but offered little else.
By contrast, Elskamp was utter dogshit, finishing with an average rating of 5.87 in his 3 starts.
I then made another signing while the players were about to go on their holidays - I should point out that all 3 were in-house:
If you look hard enough you can see a potential playmaker - we'll need that if Escalona replicates his troubles this season.
Players of the season now:
Club captain, and would have been our PoTY if he managed to keep his early season form throughout the season (or for more than 5 games really).
In Escalona's absence he's our PoTY, top scorer in the league and the League's MVP.
But even he couldn't help us in our time of need, when we were in trouble in the playoffs, as he too fell victim to knocks.
He's actually an unremarkable - one might fairly say terrible - player, but stick 2 players alongside him up front and suddenly you have a passing pivot and an assist machine.
But while he wasn't too troubled with injury, his consistency could do with some work.
And yes, youth intake time:
Again, no assistant manager to give me a brief appraisal of these guys, so here's the HoYD's fave:
I don't get him.
But somehow he could well have a point - Quandt finished with 2 goals and 2 assists.
(Well it's not like I had to deliberate signing him, because they all were.)
Next post will be for preseason.
Eric Portapotty
COULD IT BE? AFTER A YEAR?
What joy - after waiting for over a season I finally got an assistant manager.
He might be a shit assistant manager, but he's my shit assistant manager
He's even got the friendlies sorted out for me! I think I'm in love
It wasn't all a bed of roses though:
OH LOOK, YOU'VE MOVED TO OUR LEAGUE RIVALS, WELL DONE YOU
Well at least he's getting a regular wage there, couldn't fault him for being pragmatic.
FUCKS SAKE
Anyway, that's 2 of 3 PoTYs that I listed in a previous post gone, just waiting for Escalona to leave as well
Anyway, preseason schedule here:
Lots of friendlies here, all at home so we might be able to earn some matchday cash.
itchycoo
Eric Portapotty
Escalona hasn't left yet, and Odor isn't bad, but as I get to know him he's a bit meh.
He's definitely vital in the running of the team, but I get the feeling that I'm just making do with mediocrity.
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Preseason's over:
Beat the reserve sides, but going on to defeat only 2 of the 9 proper sides is so far from ideal.
As usual we had the odd trashing (subjected to us), and as usual we lost concentration in the latter stages of games.
Couple of bites before moving on to transfers:
Punishment for our prudence, yay.
Around the same amount, can't complain too much since we are not a pro side after all.
I'm wondering how much we will need in the bank to turn semipro, it'll give me more control when it comes to controlling departures.
Like Southampton, overachievement isn't always a good thing.
This is why - with the star strikers gone and Escalona spending most of the seasons either injured or suspended the award goes to a tall CM with Tackling of 1.
Transfers - at least the Saints can fetch obscene fees for their commodities:
-Paesch fell out with me midway through last season and never got game time.
-Lake was a starting centreback and the only one with any speed of note, too bad his aggression meant that he'd be too far from the action got get back in time anyway. Joins Ignacio obviously, the cunts.
-Kartoredjo was versatile but rubbish, however he was starter in the DM role (primarily because he was only 1 of 2 DM in the team).
Ignacio and Germain you guys know about.
I decided to only replace Kartoredjo, as cover wasn't available in-house:
Another one who gave up the riches of a youth deal to play for free.
What a player though, a bona fide destroyer unlike Kartoredjo, who could technically play DM but was devoid of any ability to play there.
Look at the side predicted to finish above us - the relegated sides and the teams that my strikers left for.
Escalona will need to play in top form for more than 3 games, or else we're buggered.
Eric Portapotty
We opened our campaign with a frustrating game against Arsenal - we took the lead against the run of play, but then Escalona was dispossessed and decided to lie down for a while while our opponents broke for the equaliser. Needless to say I gave him a proper telling off post-match.
Meanwhile:
A real pity, he was one of the youth products of last season and would probably have started, as well as being a regular for the Aruban youth selection.
Not too much of a problem though, I've got quite a few players who can play LB, albeit less proficiently.
Albert Lake and Ignacio both started, and we sent out a convincing message to them with this scoreline.
I'm not going to say that we played very well here (we didn't) but we got a couple of chances on the break and took them for once.
But as usual, we couldn't be relied upon to keep it up, and so it proved.
The defending was rubbish, players missing headers and not tracking strikers, awful.
Very tight at this early stage, not that we can afford to screw up.
Eric Portapotty
Not the best match, quite a number of fouls, as well as a couple of players forced off with knocks.
Still, 3 points in the bag.
... Which we proceeded to waste with a pummelling from Brazil Juniors.
We'd taken the lead, only to go 2 goals down in the interval.
We went all out in the 2nd half and got a goal back, but Breinburg got sent off for being the last man, after which we were cut up on the counter.
Temporarily tied for 3rd, but with a negative goal difference and vulnerable to falling into the bottom half.
A signing as well:
Another one who gave up a youth deal, I've signed him with the intention to play him at central defence, where we seriously lack speed of any sort.
Apparently there's a cup competition, and we didn't qualify last season presumably becaaue of our last-placed finish in the league the season before.
I'm not expecting to topple any apple carts, put it that way.
Eric Portapotty
Shock and horror as we play FOUR matches this month!!!
Both teams were wasteful (we were as usual), but we managed to be less wasteful (not quite as usual).
Cash money, yay.
Next up was Atlantico, who would be looking for payback after we thumped them the last time we met:
If you can't be arsed to count the number of penalties (I know you can't) we lost 18-17.
We allowed them 4 shots on goal in the opening 8 minutes, and one of them had to go in.
We struggled to regain control of the game but got a lucky equaliser following a punt upfield, at which point we reverted to type.
Quite apt that Oehlers missed the last penalty, he played poorly and was going complacent and all that shit despite being captain for the day.
Back to the League:
Such an infuriating match, we'd used up 2 subs by half time, the defence was horrible (yet again), Elskamp (of the playoffs fame) in particular doing nothing on the left side of defence.
He's been released, fuck him.
The guys were jaded from all my shouting and trudged to a stalemate.
Second from bottom, soon to be bottom, happy days.
Another transfer:
Apparently the best prospect in the team, injury prevented him from trying to establish his place up front. By the time he came back from his layoff there were 4 strikers ahead of him.
I couldn't give him the game time he wanted, and I still don't get his potential, so he's gone.
Eric Portapotty
Will the malaise continue?
Exciting comeback win, Escalona finally found his setpiece boots, with a FK equaliser and another effort put away on the rebound - the winner no less.
One of the best performances this season (not a lot to choose from tbh) - Escalona with an assist from a corner and another free kick.
Even Oehlers went upfield for an assist, maybe CWBs is the way to go.
So this month does look like the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel - then again, people do talk about the calm before the storm.
Can't wait to show prospective supporters how shit our defence is.
Eric Portapotty
I TOLD you we'd fuck it up.
Oehlers fell down and broke his arm, which would rule him out for around 2 months - within the 1st 5 minutes.
As usual we were completely blunt in attack and porous in defence, and (AS USUAL) we conceded the opener.
2nd half, a random punt upfield, Lake comes in with a good touch and rounds the keeper for an equaliser.
We then hid back into our shell, 'cos that's how we roll, apparently.
Yet another early injury, yet another concession of the 1st goal, yet another fortuitous equaliser from Lake.
A transfer then happened:
Great work, a non-contract deal where he gets to sit on the bench.
We managed an in-house replacement who had an eerily similar skillset to Paesch (which is in no way due to the game being completely buggered when it comes to lower-league football in footballing backwaters):
Another early injury, only this time we actually managed to keep them at bay in the 1st half.
No, this match was a spectacular display of our magnificently wayward shooting - 3 on target from 15.
Come to think of it, their red card is probably SI's way of mocking my incompetence as a manager.
Yay, virtually out of reach of the playoffs, told you it's the calm before the storm.
Escalona's not done enough to warrant this honour, if I'm honest.
No mentions of our guys in the YPoTY because they're all shit.
Eric Portapotty
The opener was a woefully mishit cross that went over the keeper into the net.
As usual we struggled to build on that lead, until Brison got us the insurance of a 2nd goal.
Incidentally this was the penultimate (13th) matchday - this was the situation before our final game:
Much simpler to figure out that last season, basically: We win, we qualify; we don't, well we don't.
I'm not too fussed either way - if we get through there's a chance of promotion, if we don't I won't need to have a repeat of last season's shambles.
Anyway:
Mad game, though we'd scored the latter 3 goals on the counter as Juventud chased the game.
Apparently we broke a couple of records:
Not that it was all good, mind:
Incredibly, all 3 RBs are now injured, which does present a conundrum...
But I digress:
Ehr, like I said I could've done without it.
Well at least this can pay for Oehler's medical fees.
Scored the 2nd most goals, conceded the 2nd most goals, and yet we're not quite mid-table.
Playoff information:
Caiquetio just about survived an immediate drop back into the 2nd tier, but they'll have to play for their survival here.
We're the only consecutive participants, while Atlantico and River were also involved 2 seasons ago.
BLISS! A schedule that makes sense.
Quietly confident about my chances, with the evenly spaced games the player can get enough rest.