The Ganja Trail - A Caribbbean Adventure
A Football Manager Career by Eric PortapottyLeague
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Nation
Saint Kitts and Nevis
Eric Portapotty
Oh, if only he could defend properly as well.
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So much for a good preseason.
We were completely outclassed, the attack never got going and Sandy Point simply took their chances.
Early doors and all, and hey, we still have a winnable cup tie to look forward to isn't it?
We did have the upper hand in this game, but playing a back 3 against a 4-5-1 was always going to be suicidal.
Not that I'm good at learning lessons - we were ripped to absolute shreds on the counter.
In conclusion, anyone have Alan Pardew's number?
Eric Portapotty
It looked set to be yet another appalling day in the office before Byron popped up to round the keeper and score.
Was still an appalling day, mind.
So, so hopeless in finishing, and we paid the price through a corner - defensive setpiece preparation is clearly useless.
We could've pushed on for a win here, if it wasn't for Keithroy Samuel who lost his man - twice - to gift them the win.
Transfer listed him afterwards, I'll still be playing him (not like I have a choice when everyone else is even more rubbish) but he needs a proper kick up the arse.
Fucking fuck knows what happened here, I genuinely thought we could get our duck broken here, only to witness another setpiece meltdown.
Way to rub it in, guys.
FINALLY, revenge has scarcely been more important.
Obviously we could've done with better defending do prevent a nervy conclusion to the match, but a win's a win.
See, this the shit that I've been needing to deal with, when you can't even count on your best player (hands down) to drag you out of the shitter.
I'd be lying if I wasn't preparing myself for the P45 already.
But I'm still here, hope that I can summon my inner Pardew to keep the gig.
Now here's a tidbit to end:
They've just paid us more than what our sponsors do in a year - and for what, a reserve game? Proper bonkers.
Eric Portapotty
I was hoping for us to push on from our first win, but having been second best for most of the match it was always going to be difficult.
A 2nd win, and more importantly, a 1st clean sheet of the season!
Damion Moses-Garvey with both assists - always nice to see a rubbish player have an occasional speck of brilliance.
Dealt our 1st thrashing of the season, Moses-Garvey really enjoying his time in the limelight.
Austin Robinson also has 5 goals in 4 games now, been a long time coming really.
Finally broke the 1 point/game mark, but we're still nowhere near challenging for promotion, and neither is my job safe yet.
Eric Portapotty
3 games this month, all in the latter fortnight:
Austin Robinson - nuff said.
We were by far the better side here, and fully deserved the win. (Man it's nice to be able to say that.)
Robinson has quite the offday today, and we were very, very lucky to get the equaliser after staging a late onslaught.
It also means that Robin will 'only' score in 6 straight matches.
Well we're now in the playoff race points-wise, but with the extra games played it might prove to be a false hope.
There was also a transfer out that I left out last month:
The backup GK complained, and has his wish to seek pastures new granted.
Finally:
No idea how much we will actually benefit from this, fingers crossed it can teach the centrebacks to defend properly.
Eric Portapotty
2 games in 3 days after 3 weeks of complete inactivity - oh the joys of Caribbean football scheduling.
Austin Robinson had an offday, and the team simply doesn't tick without him.
Didn't help that we were 1 goal down for basically the whole match.
Keithroy Samuel (this guy here) is quite literally the worst defender that I've ever played.
Which is hilarious since he's regarded as one of four best players.
Out of the playoff spots, back into the shitter.
itchycoo
Good to see this story back, hopefully you can bet that playoff spot back.
Eric Portapotty
I hope so too, but without Robinson we're a shell of a team really.
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2 goals and an assist (which should have been credited to him for his hattrick) after going 2 down, Austin Robinson is literally the only thing that gets us going at this point.
And so it proved, another offday for him and we lose.
Great way to bounce back, Robinson got his treble this time and was promptly subbed off, fitness issues becoming more of a problem now.
A rarity, winning without Robinson scoring - but it was supersub Zevon Lawrence who answered the call here, coming back from an injury to complete our comeback.
I'm at an absolute loss for words as to how we lost this.
Took Robinson off once we went 2 up, definitely thought we could've held on but boy was I wrong.
2nd best recent form gets us back into the playoff spots, but with a run of 3 games in 6 days next month fitness levels will be gong to shit.
Fingers crossed we just grab quick leads then defend for the rest of the matches.
Eric Portapotty
Robinson had a forward's performance to forget, missing his shots left right and centre. Worse still, he was then forced off with injury, his replacement being out-of-form Patrece Byron.
Well cometh the hour, cometh the man - a late equaliser and, oh what a precious one it was.
We coped surprisingly well without Robinson (who suffered a knock and was out a couple of days), hopefully this shows that the team can be at least competent without him.
Next up was a 3rd match in 6 days, against table-topping Bath United - I'd rested the lads from training for a good few days but for some it didn't seem sufficient.
Still, we soldiered on, at least with a now-fit Robinson.
A great performance, with Robinson back on the scoresheet and Zevon assisting the goal in addition to his own strike.
Credit where it's due to the whole team as well, we'd normally capitulate at the death due to our poor fitness but they managed to hold on this time.
Nice statistic too, the momentum will be needed to push us on.
So we've done our part and got a hand on a playoff spot, now it's time for the other teams to show their hands.
In other news, it's intake day again:
This is Jeffers' fave:
A right footed left midfielder... I'll need time to figure out what he can actually offer.
At least he's got the physical boxes ticked, but it's still hard to decide where he can actually play.
This is (at least according to the staff) the real prospect:
Classic targetman attributes,but he'll have some huge shoes to fill if he ever wants to replace Robinson.
And this is the best 'current' player:
Looks really rubbish I'm afraid, will likely be a liability at the back.
He might train up his defensive skills, but looking at my other CBs it's not likely to happen.
All in all it's still an underwhelming intake, most of the guys will be used as part of squad rotation, but no instant starters from this bunch unfortunately.
Eric Portapotty
Before we even kicked a ball this month:
Weird given how the teams below us still have a number of games in hand, but I'll take it.
Robinson wasn't involved too much, and players who did shoot weren't potent, put it that way.
A disappointing result at the end of the day.
Rested Robinson and started a couple of the youth intake, Lisimba Gumbs managing a debut strike in a surprisingly comfortable win.
So despite all the crises that has happened all season we've managed to finish a place higher than last season, albeit falling short of our title expectations, not bad eh?
Anyway, playoffs now: single round-robin, 3 games over 7 days.
Patriots would have an opportunity to avenge their defeat on playoffs Day 1:
Well they didn't manage it, while we secure a priceless win.
Very, very early days here, so much so that showing the table is essentially meaningless.
The FA Cup came to a conclusion as well:
Well it was one to forget, but whatever.
Finally:
At long last, a sign of faith from the board, and I get to not be fired.
Percival's quite the sycophant too, isn't it?
Eric Portapotty
Another solid defensive performance to ensure that for once, 1 goal is enough.
Need Robinson to score though, been quite wasteful with his finishing in the past couple matches.
Well he didn't, and our defence couldn't hold out, so it's disappointment again.
6 points was enough for promotion last season, not this time unfortunately.
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Players of the season:
We were (somehow) top scorers this season, and most of the credit has to go to Robinson - he saved our season, he saved my job and dragged us to a playoff spot.
My only gripe is him choking in the playoffs itself, but complaing about that would be overlooking his earlier exploits.
Still quite not the playmaker that I hope for him to develop to, but he managed to contribute sufficiently to the attack, so baby steps and all that.
And they were duly recognised for their efforts, coming in 1st and 3rd in the PoTY ranking.
We actually won big at awards night, here are 2 other winners:
All Damion Moses-Garvey really did was have a great run of form in the middle of the season before he was injured for most of its remainder - not exactly an unforgettable campaign.
Kishorn Percival was part of a wretched defensive pairing with bloody Keithroy Samuel, but recovered to keep his place and improved.
Lastly Lawrence didn't win anything, but he went some way to displacing Atiba Gumbs and making the left-wing spot his.
Chipped in with a couple of goals and assists when he wasn't out with injury, a good prospect.
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I'm not surprised that they're disappointed, we should've had the title had we not started with that shocking form.
Next season will require a consistently fit Austin Robinson to progress, the way he's been carrying us through games says it all really.
Eric Portapotty
I really don't handle expectations well, much preferred the time when my team was just required to not embarrass themselves.
But there is this positive to savour, been our best man by far, could become a legend if - if - he maintains his forms and stays around.
Transfers now, not been a good one so far:
One positive is Samuel leaving, though it is the only one - quite a few of our (functioning) defence has been removed by other clubs.
One person that I hoped would leave though, was:
He did win the FPoTY when I first came in, but he's never won me over.
Just wanted him to leave so the staff won't need to consider him in our plans.
My only signing (so far):
Replaces Isaac as our destroyer, half-decent with setpieces as well, so he's in.
What of our preseason?
Our opening 4 were against (rather bizarrely) Antiguan sides, and we finished off with 4 local teams.
Not a pretty sight at all, there wasn't a game where we managed to impress as a whole, heck in a couple matches none of the team could even leave with a bit of credit. Terence Leader had a particularly horrific day against Newtown, making a couple of big errors and finishing with a 4.6.
Robinson has been dire in front of goal as well, no goals in 7 appearances, I can only hope that he shrugs that monkey off his back come the season proper.
It's come to a point where one should no longer trust these - case in point, Newton Ground have only just bounced back up after relegation the season before.
Likewise, we need to stop being regarded as favourites for the title.
The board hasn't exactly bought into my theory, but at least they aren't demanding me to win the title outright.
I fear that they won't be as forgiving if there is a repeat of last season's start.
There's also the Cup draw:
Bloody Saint Paul's United again, last season we were soundly beaten, and going by our preseason form I would expect an improvement.
Finally:
Bit of a risk given that it's the eve of our competitive opener, but his hilarious inability to judge players' abilities properly was hindering my squad management, so he simply had to go.
I've got a replacement lined up yes, but that's for another time...
Eric Portapotty
First off, my assistant manager:
Started off at Bradford, went to Nottingham Forest before journeying through the English non-league (including 9 years at Worksop), after which he decided to return to his Kittian roots with Village Superstars for a season.
For once, a centreback who can actually think.
The hope is that this'll bring some much-needed reliability to the backline. Or opposition strikers ruthlessly expose his utter lack of any physical ability
and tear our defence to shreds, again.
There's also a fitness expertise that he brings to the team, one that we've never really had.
And he's not completely hopeless at rating players too, so all in all this can only be a good deal.
Liburd wasn't available, but it shouldn't be an excuse for our performance here - taking the lead before losing in the end has been seen all too often.
Robinson was again poor, there's a genuine fear that this'll turn into a drought for him.
Some major reshuffling for the next game 3 days later, and we seem to now have a new hero in Lisimba Gumbs.
A debut clean sheet for Liburd as well, a good start.
Again there was some reshuffling after the cup game (more on that later), and Gumbs further staked his claim as the starting forward with a hattrick.
5 goals in 2 games, he's certainly making me think.
Well the mentor Robinson wasn't going down on a whimper, scoring an early goal to help settle the nerves, as we secured another 3-goal win and clean sheet - without Terrance Leader too, who was away for international duty.
This is probably the best I've felt about this team - a defence that seems to be able to handle stuff, 2 strikers with a point to prove, and a decent run of form.
The only negative is our finances, which look really, really bad - shouldn't have asked for the upgrade to the training facilities, which seems to have accomplished very little.
Dan
Eric Portapotty
Not too bad a performance, though we need to be more clinical with our chances.
A horrific defensive collapse in the first half, and while we continued prodding (and eventually got our equaliser) we couldn't find a winner.
Positives were on show, but as a whole it was a slight disappointment.
A bit of a scare here, but we managed to get through with a victory.
Defending was subpar, attack didn't manage to make up for the shortfall, but at least this could serve as a rude awakening.
Hopefully we can prove to be more efficient.
Worse still leftback Jamal Lawrence tore his hamstring an would be out for 5 months.
It was a very bitter end to the month, but we're now top dog, albeit at the cost of 2 games played more.
The cup's 2nd round (the furthest we've been incidentally):
See, an efficient win.
And here's our reward:
Urgh, the best team in town, and we were trashed by them in preseason.
I'm not really looking forward to this, put it that way.
Eric Portapotty
Austin Robinson was (again) hopeless, and was subsequently dropped.
It's becoming the situation of seasons past where our attack was starved of inspiration, expect now Robinson's part of the problem.
Spectacular fuckup here, though not holding leads have been part and parcel of our game anyway.
The team set up to start more lively, to great effect.
Irandy Liburd was the star here with 2 assists, and is one of the talented (but infuriatingly inconsistent) attackers we have in our ranks.
With the win over St. Paul's we've leapfrogged them to 1st again, but the positions seem almost pointless given the number of games in hand everyone else has over us.
The cup draw gets tougher - Village Superstars might only have been promoted 2 seasons ago, but they stormed to a post-season Playoffs title in the top flight.
They were always big-timers around these parts anyway, so this'll be as tough as it gets (provided we beat Newtown first anyway).
Eric Portapotty
Yet another annoying stalemate, compounded by the fact that the penalty was regarded as controversial by most circles.
This one was all our own fault, starting so well only to go into the break level is just the worst.
2nd half had us looking over our backs and trying not to concede, which might as well be so since we couldn't score anyway.
We're still in the playoffs, but looking at the games in hand that our main rivals have against us it's not too reactionary to say that our season has gone tits up.
It really is a shame that this team can't put in consistent performances throughout a season.
We also has a cup tie to play out, and with our form who better to meet than giants Newtown United?
Says a lot about this month that our best performance in the past couple of weeks ended in a loss.
We defended with competence, and somehow has 52% possession and 11 shots despite being primarily set up to play on the counter.
Of course, a non-clinical strikeforce couldn't be expected to score against Newtown, and we eventually blinked first, missing our 1st penalty.
Eric Portapotty
What a shameful 1st half here, though it says a lot about our season that it probably wasn't the worst half we've been through so far.
Lisimba Gumbs threatened to mount a credible comeback, but our defence wasn't going to letthat happen.
A much better defensive performance, only to be thwarted by a setpiece right at the end of the 1st half.
Gumbs couldn't repeat his previous (almost-)heroics, while Austin Robinson was just hopeless as a sub:
have no idea what's happened to him, my guess is that he's caught his wife having an affair.
We took an early lead and kept it that way, so Security Forces decided to spend the rest of the game breaking our legs, finishing with 17 fouls.
Another early lead, though this time we couldn't keep it that way.
We were desperately lacking in strike power here, and it took a really unfortunate own goal to secure us a point.
So that's either 5 points from 15 or unbeaten in 3 - they say that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, but our football certainly isn't pretty at the moment.
I deserve to be on the brink to be honest, though the finances actually are at this point, burning most of the cash in upgrading facilities has proved to be the anti-masterstroke on my part.
Eric Portapotty
Before the commencement of this current stretch of games I had a you intake to look forward to:
This is Lisimba Matthew:
And this is everyone else:
Suffice to say it's a fairly dour intake, not one player I can pick out who'll be an eventual starter.
I took the step of terminating some of the candidates' trials, before the HoYD could step in and (as is the norm) sign everyone up - this is who we retained in the end:
All the fullbacks have pace which will be useful, the strikers are there because Austin Robinson is now completely unreliable, Mitchum can take a corner, and I'll take a punt on the HoYD's pick.
I've also played out the season, which I have to say is starting to feel like a procession, a routine even:
I'm not going to go into details, but basically I've starting to realise that I don't actually know how to play FM.
Terrance leader finished his season in wretched fashion, making a number of embarrassing errors, most significantly giving Conaree Utd a late equaliser.
I've then fallen out with him and how he's on the transfer list.
A plus would be the emergence of Jevon Liburd - the youth graduate came into the team because of Lisimba Gumb's injury and Robinson's incompetence, and rewarded my desperation with a couple of goals.
A humiliating conclusion to an extremely frustrating season, didn't foresee Robinson and Leader to drop the ball the way they did, and the rest of the team was at their inconsistent best.
However, in spite of all the rumours regarding my job and the club's financial troubles:
I managed to secure a new deal - incredible, wonder what I'll have to do to get sacked at this rate.
Fuckers don't deserve a cent.
Player of the season:
Lisimba Gumbs gets the nod by virtue of being our top scorer and least unreliable striker.
Unfortunately for us his playing time was limited by his injury and fitness issues.
Can't disagree with that, I'll be amazed if I'm still here this time next season.