Who owns or has access to decent film equipment?

I have come across a world class idea for a documentary which will be written by me and is to do with Football Manager. It is not shit like that lonely, weird thing that Stepehn Milnes made, but exciting and epic, spanning five, maybe even six, continents.

Shooting will commence whenever I have arranged the script and have sourced interviews with the subjects of the documentary. Your job will be to film that stuff and do that thing that makes documentaries not look shit, e.g. having graphics appear on the screen and making sure the video and audio work and stuff.

Here are the necessary requirements for the role:

• Access to film equipment which can be used for a while without getting reported to the police
• Not be a dick who'll annoy me on shooting locations
• Have, like, good ideas so when you appear in the credits you won't anger me
• Have some small amounts of cash for cigarettes and stuff
• Know how to use film equipment expertly and know how to do that graphics shit
• Film equipment has to be expensive, not that crap they give to new kids at film school, like the proper good shit people who work on TV use

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In exchange you will get to work on a potentially Toronto Film Festival award winning documentary with one of the UK's brightest and most enigmatic auteurs. This could be a global film that shocks and enchants a generation of people and could go down in history as one of the seminal pieces within the genre. At the very least it might end up on Netflix and you can tell all your mates years later while spending your dole money at the Dog and Duck on overproof rum and fat girls.

Please place all applications below, including all relevant qualifications and any queries you may have. Also if you know anyone who has any money then it'd be cool if you could get them in touch with me so I can dance around the subject with them for a while in order to squeeze some out of them. Thank you.

Never change.

Just realised we can use Kickstarter to fund it, so that's already great news.

It isn't HD or remotely new but I do have an old mobile BBC camera.

I once filmed a homeless man sleeping dangerously inside a rubbish bin moments before its collection.

Do I get the job?

I must remind you this is a serious application for a world class film, I even have a name sorted out.

This is on topic:



Basically, you need to rob a bank.

My phone has a video camera and if you stand really close to it when its recording the audio is quite crisp.

When do I start?

My phone has a video camera and if you stand really close to it when its recording the audio is quite crisp.

When do I start?

So keen I applied twice.

I've got a GoPro for all the action shots

I'm up for it. I don't have a video camera, but if you set up a kickstater and get enough money I'll hold the camera and cobble together the footage. I've got a friend who works in animation and owes me some favours so we could get some slick looking animations and graphics and shit.

I'm also very unlikely to ever go to a Dog and Duck and even less likely to spend money on fat girls. Commitment to the project and our image is what that is.

Hollywood Max Evans is disappointed by the response of his good friends. For shame.