The Journeyman Jock - Summer 2018

10/06/18 - I hang up the phone and hastily throw things into my Nike gym bag. 1 pair of boxer shorts, 2 pairs of shorts (Adidas and Reebok), last seasons Motherwell away shirt, this seasons Etimesgut home shirt (Aktay 37 on the back), my phone charger, headphones (wired ones off ebay), a cup sans handle, 2 cans of Carlsberg Export and 1 can of Red Bull. I get a taxi from the off licence down the road where The Doctor has bought 3 bags worth of ale.

We arrived at a bus depot in Istanbul about 3 hours later, and are greeted by a guy called Hermes, like the delivery company. We get a bite to eat and then we’re sat in the back of a white transit van as it proceeds up to the coast.

11/06/ - At some time after midnight we’re on a boat, quite a big one to be fair, had a few glasses of wine and some food, some Turkish paella with gyros and some yoghurts. I managed to get a shower by the time we ported in a place called Burgas in Bulgaria. We then got off the boat and found another van, this one black, and sat in the back of it playing cards and drinking the cans of cheap beer we picked up before leaving Ankara, and roughly 4 hours later we made it to an industrial estate somewhere in Sofia.The Doctor hadn’t slept in over 72 hours, so he says, and continues railing lines of powder. I’m too stressed to take anything illegal, I’m already worried up to my eyeballs and I do not need any narcotic infused paranoia as well.

12/06 - I slept in the van overnight while Hermes and his contact got things sorted for us in the Bulgarian capital. The doctor had been sat playing patience on his own with the pack of cards all night. I checked a paper I picked up outside the port and saw that the World Cup predictions were officially up, the mighty Tartan Army drawn in Group B with favourites Brazil, as well as Egypt and Japan. I said we’d have to find somewhere that’ll be showing the games. The Doctor yelled TARTAN ARMY to no one in particular. He’s not even Scottish. 

Gareth Southgate makes some weird decisions with his England squad and keeps his friends close at the forefront of his selection. Harry Kane (18 league goals, 5 cup) and Marcus Rashford (10 goals, 1 cup)  are 2 of 3 forwards, scoring a combined 34 all season, despite Callum Wilson of lowly Bournemouth who finished sixth, the Premier Leagues top scorer with 29 not making the team. The other forward is Daniel Sturridge, 8 goals for Liverpool whilst playing in only 20 matches in a forgettable season. Jack Butland, Fraser Forster and Tom Heaton are the goalies, Joe Hart nowhere to be found. Chris Smalling of Southampton gets called up despite being labelled as the Premier League's worst signing of the season, Danny Rose gets the starting left full back nod over Luke Shaw, more on him shortly, Dele Alli, injured since December also makes the squad.

13/06 The official end of the football season in England. Newcastle are back in the Premier League and let everyone know they’re not messing around. Rafa signed left winger / striker Kenedy on loan from Chelsea last summer, who goes and gets 20 goals and 9 assists. Matt Ritchie scores 10 and gets 11 assists to win the clubs player of the year for the second season in a row, The Toon finish second against all odds. Losing only 6 games in the process to league winners Man United twice as well as the blue side of Manchester twice, Arsenal once and Watford away randomly. They won 25 league games and Rafa joins me in the manager of the year club. It’s a very exclusive club. Not only that, but Rafa has lost 11, count it 11, league games in the last 2 seasons. As noted already Bournemouths Callum Wilson is the leagues top scorer with 29 and moves to Chelsea for 42 million. Man United’s Harry Kane gets 18, Eden Hazard is third with 13 goals while Mesut Ozil leads the league with 19 assists.

Liverpool continue to make everyone's day whilst simultaneously voiding accas as they sacked Roberto Mancini just before Christmas in 2017 after losing to Bristol City at Ashton Gate, they then hire Ralph Hassenhüttl, who signs Jordan Henderson to a 5 year 190k deal, sells Firmino to Bayer Leverkusen for 39 million & brings in Ruben Duarte to replace Firminio for 7 million. Laughable. They eventually finished 11th. James Milner (32 but fit as a fiddle) Adam Lallana (30, passed his mediocre best and posting 6 goals and 4 assists last season) and Marcel Sabitzer (24, 27 games games last season, huge return of 3 goals & 6 assists) are their key players, and they still expect to finish fourth. It’s not their year no matter how many times they say it.

Davey Moyes is eventually sacked by Sunderland once the Championship play offs ends, which they missed by some margin after they ignored my email last year and don’t get promoted back to the Premiership.. They hire Claude Makelele who was in charge of Norwich, guiding them from playoff hopefuls at the start of the season to 17th in 6 months. 

Man United boss Jose Mourinho seems intent on pissing his players off, as he signs Robert  Lewandovski from Bayern for 81 million who immediately pushes Harry Kane out of the starting line up, and Theo Hernandez from PSG for 32 million who sees Luke Shaw, Man United’s player of the year, make way. He requests a transfer.

The dog nonces at Celtic won the SPL for the 2 millionth time. They sell Kristoffer Ajer to Champions League winners Monaco for 6 million but make no incoming signings. Rangers sell a load of young players and bring in another 7 players, like they did last year that no one knows. They finish third behind Hearts. They're a massive club remember.

Wigan won the Championship, Brighton came second and Ipswich saw off Sheffield Wednesday in the play offs. Wednesday also lost last year's playoffs. Maybe third time lucky next year lads?

Monaco beat Atletico Madrid in the Champions league final. Radamel Falcoa grabbing the winner late in the second half.

Inter beat Real Sociedad in the Europa league final. Joao Mario (keep him in mind) scoring twice in the second half to secure a 2-1 win.

Motherwell bring in the big guns in the form of Che Adams for 2.4 million from Birmingham, Darron Gibson on a free, Ryan Colclough from Wigan for 450k, Daniel Barlaser on loan from Newcastle, Timi Elsnik on a free from Derby, Andrea Rossi of Pescara, no we don’t know him either, on loan, and all come in to build upon the teams Championship win last season and SPL survival this, hopefully.

Timo Werner left the bright lights of Leipzig for the megabucks of Man City for 58 million, Leipzig immediately replaced him with City’s Gabriel Jesus for 56 million, for a 2 million profit.

Europa League winning goal scorer Joao Mario takes his winners medal and leaves Inter Milan to head to Barcelona for  57 million

Joelinton, fresh off 2 seasons at Rapid Vienna on loan from Hoffenheim and scoring a solid 48 in 72 in Austria, leaves Hoffenheim permanently to move to Arsenal for 40 million. He played exactly 0 minutes for Hoffenheim.

Hakim Ziyech leaving Ajax to go to Real Madrid for 25 million is the Eredivise’s big transfer out. No incoming transfers come close to price or relevancy.

14/06 - The Doctor finally falls asleep in the back of the van with his headphones in playing the This is Action Bronson playlist on Spotify. I drink some cheap Bulgarian ale we’ve picked up in Sofia and been to a couple of bars without the Doctor. As far as I can tell there's been no FBI or Turkish police tails on us, yet.

15/06 - 20/06 - We move around the outskirts of Sofia in the van hitting some nondescript looking boozers and greasy spoons, trying to keep out of trouble. The Doctor has other ideas as he challenges 3 men to a fight, 2 of which claim they are French Army reserves, who I’m sure are undoubtedly trained in unarmed close quarters combat. The Doctor, about 6 grams of coke and 4 MDMA tablets deep claims he’s the Mike Tyson / Brock Lesnar illegitimate love child. Me and Hermes get him out of Dodge by the skin of our collected teeth.

We do enjoy a couple of quiet days as the Doctor sleeps off his comedown and I get to enjoy my cheap Bulgarian beer hangovers with nothing of note happening. My heart does skip a beat as a couple of uniformed police officers ask Hermes some questions, although it turns out they’re lady boy prostitutes playing dress up. Hermes declines their advances however the Doctor goes to speak to them. We don’t see him for 3 hours.

I keep an eye on football news and see that in Asia the transfers continued making no logical sense, only big money sense. Felipe of Portuguese champions and Champions 

League semi finalists Porto leaves to go to Qatari side Al Sadd for 10 million. That’s his wage, the transfer fee was 6.

Allan of Serie A runners up and Coppa Italia semi finalists Napoli gets to fly to China and sign for Huaxia for 49 million. Napoli spend 2 million of that money on some Serbian kid called Stefan Subotic from Red Star Belgrade.

Solomon Rondon, 12 Premier League goals the season just finished, leaves West Brom to follow Allan to China but signs for Quanjian for 34 million. He’s given squad number 34 as well. Ironic.

Victor Wanyama has been threatening to leave Spurs all season since Harry Kane left last summer and finally got the green light. He leaves for China to join the Rondon-revolution at Quanijian for 12 million. He’s given the number 6 shirt.

21/06 - We’re in a pub in Sofia we've not been to yet,  and the sign outside says кървавият чужденец  which Hermes translates as The Bloody Foreigner. Brazil v Scotland is showing on the telly. I tell the Doctor not to bring any attention to us or let them know I’m Scottish, to which he shouts DEATH TO THE JOCKS! And proclaims that no one will know we’re there supporting the Tartan Army with that yell. They get beat 2-0 by Brazil.

26/06 - We’re back in the Bloody Foreigner to watch Scotland take on Japan. The last time these played each other was last summer, the Japs winning 2-0 but they didn’t play against the world class strike combination of Jordan Rhodes and James Morrison that day. Morrison grabbing 2 assists for Rhodes from his 2 open play goals in his first half hat trick to go with his penalty after 14 minutes, Rhodes then returning the favour by letting Morrison thunder the ball home to get an assist to go with his 3 goals. 4-0 at half time and I won’t lie, I was worried they’d lose it, it is Scotland after all. Lose they did not but they sat back for 45 minutes and saw the game out 4-0. Scenes in the Bloody Foreigner. 

For a brief moment Jordan Rhodes of Middlesbrough and Scotland was the leading scorer at a World Cup finals. 

The Scots followed that win up with a close 3-2 win over Egypt to progress. We then ruined every Englishman's day as we beat Austria on penalties in the second round, and got drawn against Croatia in the quarter final. Germany knocked England out in the second round courtesy of 2 Robert Muller (with reported interest from Qatari side Al-Sadd)  goals in the last 5 mins. Southgate's job isn't even in doubt.

30/06 - We’re back on the move as the route from Sofia through Romania, Hungary and Slovakia is clear, or at least as clear as it can be. We’re in Budapest 3 days later.

03/07 - World Cup semi final today, which we managed to watch in a small ale house somewhere in Budapest. Not a lot to report really, as Scotland bowed out gracefully to eventual runners up Croatia. Budapest is welcoming to the 3 strange foreign men (1 Scot, 1 English and 1 Turkish) in a black transit van with Turkish plates, and most people speak English. We get fed and showered at a budget hotel and I try and relax after watching the Scots somehow get to a semi final of the World Cup

04/07 - On the road again except this time we travel a short distance and hit Graz in Austria just after 2AM. A train takes us from Graz into Venice no questions asked. Another stopover at a cheap hotel is followed by a drive from an Italian guy who’s friendly with Turkey for the People, up to Milan. He’s called Luigi, I’m dying to ask if he’s got a brother called Mario. The Doctor is sat railing lines and playing patience again, this time listening to Westside Gunn’s album Supreme Blientele

06/07 - We get to a hotel, the best looking one on our journey so far. We’re in room 316 and all I can think about is Stone Cold Steve Austin, so grab 2 ice cold beers from the fridge, open them up and smash them together and drink them at the same time, and lay on the bed, not really sure what’s going to happen next or when it’s going to happen. The Doctor is smiling his usual smile and says ‘I’ve clocked a dealer kid downstairs, I’m gonna go score some shit, back soon’ and off he went. I didn’t want to get caught up anything, so stayed in the hotel room without much left to be done but watch tv and relentless masturbation.

== == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - The call

The phone rang, a local Ankara number calling so I answered it

‘Jock it’s me’ a female voice

‘Me who?’

‘Alex’

I couldn’t think of an Alex, a female one anyway ‘I’m with Turkey for the People, we’ve been at parties together doing snort. The last time the Doctor was dancing with midgets’

‘Oh right I thought that was me on an acid trip’

‘No it happened. Listen you haven’t got long’

‘Shit, long for what?’

‘The police are coming for you and the Doctor, they’ve got evidence you both corroborated to fix at least 11 football matches within the last year’ her words coming out double quick

‘Get to fuck I’ve done no such thing’

‘It doesn’t matter, the current ruling party in the government in Turkey have fabricated the reports from the police and linked it to our political party, to you and the doctor, and have altered the documents to make it look like you’ve fixed some games and we’re all involved in it all together’

I didn’t know what to say, I needed to find the Doctor and see what he knows. He won’t have been fixing matches I was sure of it. Other non legal things I can see him doing, but fixing football matches, no way.

‘Listen to me, the chairman of Etimesgut will ring you, play dumb, he’s either going to ask you to go meet him, if he does it’s a trap so the police can get you, if not hear him out but he’s probably going to sack you’

‘How do you know this?’ I said more than a little bit wary

‘I have contacts in the government, as well as some people in football and in the police here in Ankara. The FBI geeks who interviewed you are staying in a Ritz not far from the US embassy, my associate there has been keeping tabs. I’ve got to go, and between us we need to find and warn the Doctor. Listen to me, do not under any circumstances go to the stadium or training ground. I’ll be in touch’ Click, the line went dead. Just like Ray Charles in a fist fight, I did not see that coming!

I sat down on the bed in the flat I was renting, through the club no less, and within 20 seconds of that call ending my phone rang again. Erdan Yildiz, the chairman. I answered and before I could say anything he said in his ever improving broken English ‘Jock, there are no time to explain. I’m under a lot of pressure. I like you, I really do but there’s….’ I cut him off
 

‘I know, you want me to come meet you so you….’ he cut me off

‘No no no! Do not come here under any circumstance. I am in bathroom in the players lounge, there are armed Turkish police, some with dogs, and US cops are here. They say you’ve been trafficking drugs and people as well as fixing matches’ he said. I tried to speak but he carried on ‘I do not know if you have, I do not think you have and would like to think this is a misunderstanding, so I’m doing what I think I can to help you, and that is I’m going to accept your resignation now, over the phone, and when that’s done you get the hell out of Turkey. I’m going to tell those police I’ve spoken to you and you’re on the way here now to speak about football. That should get you an hour or so before they get suspicious’

In shock I didn’t know what to do. Professionally if I leave the job now I might find work elsewhere, that’s if the feds didn’t catch up with me and ruin my career just as it was starting to get going, but I’ve done nothing wrong in terms of fixing matches

‘Jock, are you there my friend?’

‘Yes I’m here’

‘My own solicitor is here with me, he says the charges are only based on things that have happened in Turkey, for you anyway. If you leave now and go to another EU country, the police can’t extradite you from there, at least not easily. Your friends I’m not so sure on, but you must get out of Turkey now and go home to Scotland or somewhere that is an EU country. Jock, my friend I’m risking myself to help you. Tell me you quit now on the phone that way I won’t be lying to anyone about the club, and then you must leave’

For the first time in my life I was lost for words. ‘I…..erm…..thank you for every….’

‘Jock for fuck, say it quick’

‘Okay I qu…...’ I heard a door open down the line and a voice say ‘Mister Yildiz, we’ve been listening to your call, pass me the phone now’ then I heard the voice more clearly 

‘Mister McGhee, it’s Special Agent Lance Field, when I find you whether in Turkey or an EU country or wherever else you decide to rock up, I will be doing everything in my power to arrest you and bring you and your cronies to justice’ Click.

== == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - The end is in sight

I walked into the room, and sat there was Umut Gedik, my captain with a shallow look on his face

‘Where is he?’

‘I don’t know bossman’ he said in his gruff voice, his English getting better by the day, my Turkish stagnating

‘He’s a prick, he knows I wanted him to be here with us to go over the last game of the season’

‘I think he’s with 2 Penny Jenny again’

I’d heard that name before, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it ‘Where do I recognise that name Ummy?’

‘I am not 1 to tell tales, but she’s a prostitute’

‘Ahh right, that’s it, I remember being told about her when we first got here’

‘Yes, well, she’s in demand. I mean, I think she is. He told me it’s not the first issue he’s had with her’

Now I was worried, issues with a prostitute? ‘He’s not killed her has he?’ was the only thing I could think of asking

‘No. Well I don’t think he has. He sent me a text saying he’s at the doctors again’

‘Again? What’s he done this time?’

‘How you say, erm, he had a clap?’

‘The clap? Fucking idiot, from this Jenny?’

‘He’s been there 3 times since you’ve been in Turkey’

‘3 fucking times, with the clap?!?’

‘No, the first time he got something stuck and had to….’ I cut him off

‘Don’t tell me what he got stuck and better yet don’t tell me where he got it stuck, I don’t wanna know. We’ll have to deal with this ourselves’ but before moving on to the final league game of the season, I had to ask ‘why is she called Two Penny Jenny?’

‘Well in a bar in a small part of Ankara there is a machine that sells flavoured cigars that she always smokes, and they’re 2 Lira each and you can only pay with 1 Lira coins. As long as you pay her with at least 2 Lira coins she’s yours, Two Penny Jenny’
 

‘That can’t be true’
 

‘I wouldn’t know bossman’ he said, sheepishly

---------------------------------------

We stumbled our way into the final game of the season, managing to sit fifth in the table on 55 points with a 1 point advantage over Gumushanespor. All we had to do was match their result in the next and final league game and we’d be in the playoffs.  The game against Polati Bugsasspor ended with us scraping by 2-1 to seal a fifth place finish.

I say scraping by, we lost Umut a couple of weeks before the game with a sprained ankle, Aktay came back from injury but went down again the week leading up to the final game but just passed a fitness and managing to score in the game, first choice right back Alaettin Tur had his season ended in February with a broken ankle and Mo Bayr, first choice left back, and the only left footed full back in the team missed a few games with a muscle issue. 

We also went 8 games without a win from February up until the start of April where we managed to win 4 in a row, with impressive back to back 5-1 wins to secure the play off finish

We’d been drawn against Aydinspor in the play offs, who we beat 3-0 earlier in the season, but who took the piss and battered us 6-1 in the 8th game of that run of no wins.

They carried that form against us into the playoffs as they secured a 2-1 win at our place with a late winner, but absolutely cemented the win with a 4-2 victory at their ground, to go through 6-3 on aggregate

A play off finish was more than I was expecting and the result in the play off aside, I was happy with how my first season in Ankara had gone. The league had even been gracious enough to ignore the recent match fixing speculation and award me with the manager of the year award, which in a meeting with the team I told them I wouldn’t have won the award without their efforts. 

I also told them I expected to sign Aktay permanently, we’d agreed the fee with his parent club, Ugur would be coming back and we’d be aiming for a top 2 finish next season, something we all agreed was a realistic aim.

== == == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - Confidential information

Time 14:05

February 09 2018

Interview 1 of 2.

Attending / questioning officers - Lance Field and Hunter Smith

Present - Joseph Mark McGhee (questioned). Wilson Barnes (solicitor representing Mister McGhee)

Mister McGhee attended under no duress or arrest. No charges made against him at the time of the interview. Investigation is still ongoing.

The rain was falling in buckets in central Ankara. It was cloaking the city in a shroud of mist and bad decisions. I saw the first detective light a cigarette, the glow casting eerie shadows across his fuck ugly face as he stood across the table from me in the dimly lit room in 1 of Ankara's police stations. His name is Hunter Smith from some place in America, who tells me he’s knee deep in a conspiracy to rig football matches, and that naturally brought him to Turkey and asking me to attend this interview. His words not mine.

The other rent a cop already in the room, wearing a pinstripe suit that looks like he’d slept in it in his car, spoke with an American accent ‘Spill it shitbird, we know you’re fixing games’

‘Another Yank, cute. I can’t fix myself a decent meal how the fuck am I gonna fix a football match’ I said before the solicitor I said to me ‘You don’t need to answer any questions, you’re not under arrest’ I just nod back to him. He’s been sent to me by the British embassy in Ankara, and his time is covered by legal aid we get in The UK, thank you Your Majesty.

The Yank said ‘I’m Canadian, but let's keep it tight shall we. Your team, doing well, no?’ said with a hint of a snigger, he’s got prick written all over his face.

‘Magic’ I said with a smile, the brief shakes his head and writes something down in his notepad while telling me ‘again, you’re under no obligation to respond’. I nod again, I’ve been interviewed by the police enough times, I know how this is gonna go.

‘Some say overachieving, we say cheating. Spill on that’ This time it was Lance, he’d finished his smoke and had a look on his face like he’d just finished runner up in the national lemon sucking contest.

Me, in my most professional voice ‘The squads got a great manager, a good assistant who thinks just like the manager, and we’ve got some great players. I’m good at what I do’ The brief still writing in his book.

Behind the Yank-Canadian, Lance stands up and walks to the opposite side of the room, where he lights another smoke. Before the voluntary interview started the solicitor, from Oxford in England, told me this Lance guy has a reputation as murky as the shadows of the Glasgow underground. He’s clearly the puppet master pulling the strings on this investigation. I size him up with a look that’s part suspicion to keep him on his toes, and part defiance. I’m guilty of a lot of things, but match fixing isn’t one of them.

‘Riddle me this mister football manager. Fatih Aktay, 20 years old, 5 years at a pro club, 1 season in the first team at Altinordu last year, manages 1 goal in 10 games. This season he’s buried 22 so far. That seem off to you? Lance said from the dimly doorway of the room while taking a puff on his cigarette

‘Like I said, great manager. We play to his strengths’

‘You’re team is relegation fodder at best, there’s no way you would be fifth in the league without some outside interference’ this time the Yank-Canadian Hunter speaking

‘Outside interference?’ I said before saying ‘this isn’t wrestling you crank, it’s me and my team playing out of our skins every week and getting the results we deserve’ the solicitor took my hand and turned me and him to face away from the cops ‘I’m advising you, again, that you don’t need to answer anything, remember you’re not under arrest, and anything you do say could implicate you’ I could see he was either getting sick of me or sick of being here. Probably me.

‘Right, but I’ve got nout to hide so why don’t…..’ he cut me off ‘So say no comment from now on, and if they had anything to arrest you with they’d have produced it by now’

From then on I was asked a handful of questions that were unrelated to the investigation, what I think to the weather in Turkey, things about life in Scotland, how I’ve managed to piss off the full Northern Ireland Football Association, how many women I’d taken to bed, irrelevant stuff. I just no commented my way through the next 20 minutes

Lance, 5 cigs deep said ‘that’s it for today Mister Football Manager, however we will have more questions for you, I just need to get some documents together, if you’d grace us with your presence again, say in the next couple of days?’

The solicitor says it’s up to me, I’m not under arrest (yet) and if anything comes from it being cooperative will go some way in my favour. I just nod, say yeah whatever, and we leave the station.

-----------------------------------------------------

Interview  2 of 2

Time 11:15

February 13 2018

Interview 2 of 2.

Attending / questioning officers - Lance Field and Hunter Smith

Mister McGhee attended under no duress or arrest. No charges made against him at the time of the interview. Investigation is still ongoing.
Agent Field has procured more evidence since the last interview, not disclosing as labelled as circumstantial. Mister Barnes has declined to view the evidence obtained so far.

‘How did you meet Robert Robson?’ Hunter Smith, the prick from Canada speaking

‘The doctor, known him since I was about 10, why?’ the truth.

‘The doctor, hmm, why do you call him that?’

‘I actually don’t know’ Another truth, he just asked me to start calling him it not long after we got to Ankara.

‘He’s been known as other things though hasn't he, spill on that’

‘He’s a big unit, and at school he used to be called the bridge cos of his size, but he insisted everyone stopped people calling him that’

‘Why’

‘Because nobody crosses him and gets away with it’ another truth, he’s massive.

‘How don’t they get away with crossing him, what does he do?’

Fuck, have I dropped him in something? ‘No comment’

‘What’s his daily routine like?

‘He drinks at least 15 drinks a day, every day, his livers made of pure steel’ the number of drinks is probably true, I’m surprised his liver hasn’t packed in yet though

Lance Field, the other rent a cop in the room, making notes in his notepad, I look over and I’m sure my solicitor is trying to hide a little laughter

‘Where’s he living, is it with you?’ The Canadian this time.

‘Nah not with me’ my first lie of the interview

‘Where then?’

‘Well his house in Ankara burnt down, so he’s moved to the Koroglu mountains and has a mountain lion as a pet’ I waited until Lance wrote that down and continued ‘My mans friends with Mufasa, he loves animals, he says unlike humans they don’t talk shit, it’s a genius point’ another lie, he lives with me, minus any lions, mountain or otherwise in my rented flat round the corner from the stadium

‘He’s a crackhead dope seller isn’t he’

‘I dunno about selling, so no comment on that. But before we left Scotland for Turkey he had all his and my family around for Sunday dinner, and at the end of the main course he dropped a bag of meth on the table and declared it’s time for dessert. Such a sweet tooth’ A white lie mixed with exaggerating the truth, he did drop the meth on the table, but only me, the Doctor and our mates Trev and Bazza were present, and it was in a KFC in Edinburgh.

‘So he’s out of control then?’

‘Nah he’s kosher, he’s completely in control of himself’ Biggest lie yet.

‘Tell me something about him I don’t already know or that’s not in this folder I’ve got on him’ Lance pulled the folder from his side of the table and let it sit in front of me. The folder was quite thick, I was starting to worry a bit now

‘Well we had a bet once who could go longest without showering and still get laid, all I can say is he won, and it wasn’t even close. He’s a fucking legend’ the most solid truth yet.

‘Okay, I can see you’re not taking this very seriously Mister McGhee, so I’ll lay it out like this although I’m willing to bet you know all of this’ he took a sip of his drink and continued  ‘your friend, and you by association for now, are involved in a number of illegal activities’ I was dying to say it’s only illegal if you get caught, but thought better of it. ‘Match fixing is the reason why we’re here from The States, and have got officers and detectives from The UK, Spain and France involved in this thing as well. From what we’ve learned so far, it’s not small time games, it’s far reaching and there’s some big names implicated in this’ I looked to the solicitor but the cop clocked me ‘No, no you don’t need to say anything or get advice just yet, let me finish’ He pulled another folder out of his bag, just as big as the first one he pulled out.

He opened the first page and I saw a list of what looked like football results ‘here’s a sample of the games we’ve found to have been influenced’ I tried to look but he covered the sheet ‘how many Etimesgut games do you think are in here?’

I looked at the solicitor who was making notes in his pad, and decided not to say anything.

‘Your silence is very telling Mister McGhee. Let me ask you this, since the last time we spoke your team has lost a few games and drawn the other, that not concerning to you?’

‘No, why should….’ he cut me off

‘You were flying up until the new year, won your first game after the break and now you’ve dropped to sixth and could miss the playoffs’

‘Not sure what you’re getting at, but let me remind you that we boast the leagues leading scorer who’s injured and won’t be back for another 2 months. We’ve got the leagues leading assist man as well as the keeper with the most clean sheets in the league. 4 games after a break don’t define a season inspector’

‘It’s Special Agent, but go on’

I didn’t have much else to say on it really. We’d lost 2 and drawn 1 after the break, so what?

‘Beating teams for fun, scoring loads of goals with a team of nobodies and no hopers, almost like your team were given opportunities to win’ he took a moment and pulled a sheet out of the file ‘not to mention the sudden surge in bets being made on your games, not just in Ankara but we’ve seen bets made on your games all over Turkey and in Greece. What can you tell me about that?’

‘Winning is the whole point of a football match is it not?’ I was getting a bit annoyed now ‘Look, I’ve done a lot of things, a lot of bad illegal things in my time, but not once, and never will I ever ask a player to take a dive, or let a goal in or get a yellow card on purpose, it’s not….’ cut off by this Lance prick, again

‘Who said anything about asking players to get a card on purpose or let goals in? We never said that, what do you know of this?’

Fuck. The solicitor pulled me around to have our backs to the police ‘I told you to keep quiet, now you’ve dropped yourself in it, no shut up now (I tried to speak), just either say no comment to their questions or we say we’re leaving, they’ve got no hard evidence, or if they do they’re withholding it’ 

‘They’ve got nothing on me’ I said before turning back around and just no commenting everything from then on

‘You’re clearly taking the quiet approach, which is fine. But trust me when I say this, I’ve got enough on your pal the Doctor and those political nobodies that you both hang around with that I’ll be bringing you both down before long’

‘If there’s nothing else, special agent Field, we’ll be going now’ the solicitor said as we got up and left the police station.

== == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - The great equaliser, and the common denominator

The Doctor was sat in the driver seat, I was trying to get the seatbelt on in the passenger side as he dodged and weaved the rental car in and out of the rush hour traffic of the Monday afternoon of New Year's day in Ankara

Answering him when he arrived at my flat with his question 'We gonna celebrate then?' was my first mistake of the day, the second being drinking out of his hip flask as I was getting in the car

'Whisky?' I asked, immediately regretting my decision to take a swig. I knew straight away it wasn't just whisky

'Yeah, I crushed and tipped 4 of these acid tabs I picked up earlier into the whisky bottle, emptied out a full strip of your Oxycodone tablets, crushed them up, mixed them with a gram of this banging coke I got off some geezer last night, put that in the whisky bottle, mixed it up with a drop of vodka and half a bottle of lime juice and poured it in that hip flask. Give it a minute will ya'

'A minute for what?' I asked, instantly realising the situation would be changing any minute. Booze, piece of piss easy, takes me a while to get really drunk, I am Scottish afterall. And acid I can deal with, I've done it plenty of times and on occasions still do take acid but that has calmed down since I became a football manager. Any acid freak can handle hallucinations, but mixing my opioid painkiller tablets with acid and coke is another deal altogether

'The Molly will kick in first that's gonna bring you up, then the booze and painkillers is gonna make your nerves a bit jittery, it's good whisky by the way I paid a pretty penny for it. After that the painkillers are gonna do whatever they do to your pain receptors in the brain and then....' he sort of just phased out of my vision as I became lightheaded and my head started spinning, a feeling I’ve not felt in a while. I looked up and saw a giant man that looked familiar. I rubbed my eyes and realised it was Axel from Streets of Rage, and he was hanging off the side of a big building knocking airplanes and helicopters out of the sky 'You seen that Bob?' I asked the Doctor, who was still talking but his mouth was getting wider and wider and on his teeth I could see a little mouth with even smaller teeth of its own talking to each other, seemingly in an argument of some sort.

Trying to figure out the scene in front of me I noticed he'd gotten up from in front of the steering wheel, leaned into the back seat of the car and pulled out a bottle of water, while the car was still moving in and out of traffic. The water then smiled and asked me if I wanted any of him, I said no I don't think so, and my friend then sat back down and asked 'you alright kidda?'

'Yeah, your teeth, they're talking to me, the water asked if I wanted some of it, some of him?'

'You're not turning gay on me are you? What ya' mean my teeth are talking to you?'

I didn't know if he said that out loud or if I was thinking it, either way my head was frazzled, and the teeth had stopped talking and looked back at me, folded their arms and was giving me the evils, the sort of look your mother gives you when she says 'when I say no I mean no' and you stop nagging and pestering for whatever she had said no to. I looked away from the teeth and then back to the road. It opened up into a big driveway, a huge house at the end of a cul-de-sac with bright purple lights that reminded me of Big Gay Al's animal sanctuary. 

Then the pterodactyl landed within an inch of my face, pointed its big wings to the left and said in a Geordie accent ‘that way to the party hinny’ then nodded to the right ‘that way to Greggs’ and flew back behind the house.

We carried on going left, the leprechauns and swans were perfectly lined up singing a song, something about a sixpence and being none the richer, they all looked happy enough despite being chained together with shackles on their ankles. I was getting a bit jittery so I took another swig of the whisky drink, then had a lager drink, and then a vodka drink and then I sang a song about a good time.

My friend pulled the car into a parking space and said 'mixing painkillers and acid, that shit's insane innit mate' I could only agree, I've not had a trip this strong since before I got to Turkey. I got out of the car by tapping A three times doing a Mario 64 style triple jump and I vaguely recall coming to this house at some point and meeting with the girl, how I got into contact with her I can’t remember or even when I came here the first time.

Apparently she was one for the people, a peoples champ so to speak, and dismayed at the government for lack of everything and wanting to fight back against the man. I remember speaking to her last time, and she said she’s from Canada, or America, or was it Ireland?  She greeted me on the way in and said 'I'm glad you're back, last time you left without giving me a goodbye kiss' I just played the cool guy and shrugged her off with a wink. She was wearing a green silk dress, the green against her brown hair and blue eyes stood out to me, I’m a sucker for that combo in a woman. I got a bottle of Turkish beer from the cooler on the way into the main room of the house and heard a guy saying, in perfect English no less 'It's all going to come down to money comrades. The great equaliser, and the common denominator'

I was starting to come down from the cocktail of substances the Doctor gave me on the drive over, and the cold sweat came on next. There is nothing more helpless to me that I'd found in this world than an acid comedown. Heaven knows why I keep taking the shit. I'm nothing if irresponsible when I'm flowing in the depths of an acid comedown, and I knew I'd be knee deep in that rotten shit very soon. 'Ignore the sweat and jitters flower' I said to the girl 'been a long day, and stressful as a football manager'. She smiled and did that giggle thing those trophy bird types do.

'We've been watching your team with great interest. You’re doing really well I’m sure the people backing your team are happy’ she said with another giggle. Her perfect brown hair and blue eyes illuminated with every motion.

Again I played the cool guy schtick ‘Ahh it’s nout love. Pick 11 players from the team, tell em in no uncertain terms to turn up, freak out and win the match, job done’ Not wanting there to be an awkward silence I quickly said ‘remind me again what it is you do. You know I’m an up and coming world class football manager’ with another wink.

‘Oh you’ve forgotten, have you?’ giggle again ‘I’m with Turkey for the People, you know the up and coming political party. We’ve got interests in all sorts of ventures’

Opening my fourth bottle of cheap Turkish beer and not being remotely interested in her other ventures,  I said ‘such as?’

‘Oh you know, commerce, sporting projects, property management….’ She kept rambling off words and phrases, I didn’t have a clue what she was babbling on about I could feel another trip coming on, I also just assumed she was drunk so passed her another bottle of beer, the Doctor then appeared like an RKO from out of nowhere, with a plate with 4 lines of powder and a 10 Lira note on it, me and the girl hoovering up 2 lines each. 

‘With politics everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, loan sharks, pimps and killers, the final sin is stupidity’; she said it in a perfect way that just rolled off the tongue, as if practiced. 

She wanted me to carry on drinking with her, and being Scottish, I drank. Not only did I drink but I drank this little cow under the table. Bottle after bottle I was absolutely leathered. She's definitely one for small talk and never really shut up, and she asked me, with both of us steaming drunk by this point, how I get by with the pressures of being a football manager. Not really sure she realises that I’m at a lowly third division club, I replied by saying ‘I hate to promote hard drug use, excessive beer drinking and the occasional prostitute, but they’ve always worked for me’. She smiled, kissed my cheek and said ‘I’ll see you around. I hope’

I hated to see her leave but I loved watching her go, and I went for a walk around the spacious house after she left. I found my friend who had a clown mask on and was wearing exactly no clothes but had a Scotland flag draped around his neck and wearing it as a cape as he was dancing on a table with 4 midget ladies all of whom were also wearing masks of various designs and little to no clothes themselves. I then went further down the corridor and into a small kitchen area, where I saw 2 Elvis impersonators arguing over who could sing Jailhouse Rock better, whilst someone that looked an awful lot like Noel Edmonds stood by and agreed with the fatter of the 2 Elvis’s. I carried on my blissful walk and found myself turning into another spacious living room, where I saw Max Payne and Baseball Bat Boy deep into a game of chess. I leaned over and said to Baseball Bat Boy ‘move your bishop 3 spaces that way (I pointed where) take that rook and he’s in check’. The Baseball Bat said thanks and did as I suggested. Max just looked at me and moved his hand slowly, as if in bullet time. That was my cue to leave the room.

I said goodbye to one of the Elvis's, got a hug from Noel and I shook hands with 3 of the 4 midgets my friend was dancing with earlier, number 4 and my friend conspicuous by their absence, and I tried to find my way home. Trouble being, I had no idea where I currently was.

== == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - Another new day in Ankara

All things considered (beer, drugs, women, football in that order) life in the Turkish capital couldn’t be going any better. By December 17th and heading into a short break the team has been very accommodating to me and my tactics. 18 league games producing 11 wins, 2 draws and 5 losses, not bad for someone like me eh, but I’ll take it. My predecessor leaving before he got the chance to see the 20 goals (19 in the league) scored by the kid he signed on loan, Fatih Aktay, or the 14 goals (10 in the league) and 9 assists by his strike partner Emre Ozturk.

Those 11 wins mean we are good for fifth place heading into the new year. My worry now is twofold. Firstly I’m concerned with a repeat of the second half of the season in Bangor, we started really well, lost a key player and stuffed it in the second half of the season. The second worry is Fatih Aktay has got himself injured, a key player for us just like Pavel Vieira was for me in Bangor this time last year. He’s out for at least 3 months tearing a muscle in his groin. He assures me this was done in training and not doing something else, apparently he's got a number of different women on the go, I see a lot of myself in him at times. 

The saving grace is Mark, my assistant manager has used his connections in Germany and we’ve managed to sign young forward Ugur Turk on loan from 1860 Munich to play cover for Aktay, and unlike in Bangor I’ve got more than a 1 man team here in Turkey. 

Also we’d been informed by the Turkish FA that a police investigation was taking place in relation to match fixing. The investigation had been going for a few weeks and they’d apparently implicated players at teams in Turkey, as well as other players in other places in Europe. I’d not bothered keeping up with it, I was doing my best to keep my head down and out of any trouble that might end up with me getting the boot like I did at Bangor not too long ago. There were no disclosure agreements in place and that no one that has been accused of match fixing would be made public until the courts have everything they need, but it seemed obvious to fans as a couple of prominent players from Beskitas had been missing the last 2 weeks.

My friend, The Doctor told me ‘Now there’s a potential earner, we should fix your matches’ I shot down his idea rapid quick ‘Shut up. Gear and prostitutes I can get on with, but match fixing I draw the line’

‘Right, you respect the game too much’

‘Something like that’

He just shook his head and then said ‘New Years day we’re invited to a party by the way’

‘Right’ I said, not really wanting to think where he’d got us an invite for this time. Since being in Turkey we’ve been to a number of these parties the Doctor has found for us, and all of them have involved copious amounts of powder and beer, and have lasted more than a couple of days each, not that I’m moaning. Me enjoying myself and letting the team play without any pressure has gotten us a lot more wins than it has losses, so I think we’ll keep doing things the way we already are.

== == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - A new day in Ankara

‘Check’ we both said at the same time as I burned a card and laid the final card in the middle of the table

‘Son of a, what you call in your language?’ Mark Jauk, my new Austrian assistant manager, who’s quite good speaking English, minus the swear words, said

‘Well where I’m from we usually say son of a fucking Glaswegian, but the actual saying is son of a bitch. Why?’

‘Well you might want to be saying it in a moment, all in’ he said whilst moving his remaining stack of chips into the middle of the table

‘Are you sure? I’ve won every hand so far mate’ 

‘Not this one. This is where I start to get my money back’ Mark said as he sat smugly holding his 2 cards

In the middle of the table laid face up is the 8 of hearts, Jack of clubs, 4 of spades, 8 of diamonds and the 2 of hearts. I counted the same number of chips out that Mark had pushed to the middle, a lot less than my own amount, and said ‘Go on then, show me’

‘Read them and then wee boy, 2 pair!’ He shouted with a big smile on his face as he laid his cards down, the 3 of clubs and 3 of spades

Shaking my head and trying and failing not to laugh I said ‘It’s read it and weep, but do you ever listen? I’ve won again’ and I turned my 2 cards over and revealed the King of clubs and the 8 of spades ‘I’m sure the first hand you lost was my 3 of a kind to your 2 pair’

‘This is wrong. I have 4 winning cards with 2 pairs. Your 3 cards should not be beating me’

‘They do, as we’ve been over already. Give me your money, again’

He pushed his chips over to me, more than reluctantly and with a scowl on his face, not for the first time today either ‘Don’t spend my 5 Lira all at once will you’ he said sarcastically

Prior to that poker game we’d had a training session with my new team, and what a difference to the players I was responsible for in Bangor. There was some actual talent in this team, I’m still not sure how I got the gig, but I was here, and ready to implement my style on the team

'I expect a lot of work both on and off the ball. I want aggressive pressing and tackling to win the ball back, and I want us to get it up top as quickly as possible. I'm not expecting any of that one touch no look ticky tacky crap or using buzz words like gegen pressing or whatever. We've got 1 objective this season, and that's becoming a secure side and putting the building blocks in place to eventually get us out of this division' I said, quietly assuming to myself that I’ll last to the end of this season, never mind beyond.

The rest of the day was spent with me meeting the players individually, discussing their strengths and weaknesses and giving out individual aims for the upcoming season.

After meeting and assessing the players, I met with the other staff the club had on it’s books to compliment Mark. On the staff are Mehet Taskin & Yuel Alva, both first team coaches. In my mind I’d figured I’d see how tactically savvy they are, and based on ratings of 1-20 they’ve got a tactics coaching rating of 7. That’s a combined tactics coaching rating of 7. Mark gets a 10 on his own. I won’t bother you with what other stats they don’t excel in.

I thought I’ll have to get my own backroom staff in eventually, not that I knew many players yet alone staff available in Turkey anyway, and I would have to spend the first part of my time in Ankara tolerating the skills, or lack of, from the clubs existing backroom staff. The difference between their skills and that of a dead ferret was that a dead ferret wasn’t employed at Etimesgut at the same time that I was. I looked at them in a pitiful sort of way, and I don’t know who felt more fucked, them for having me as the boss, or me for having that sorry lot to rely on.

Before the last man got the boot he’d signed Fatih Aktay on loan from recently relegated to our division Altinordu FC, and he looks like he’s got potential to be good, and I’m sure he’ll do the business for us. At 6 foot 2, he can jump, get into good positions and has decent strength and he’s got target man written all over him. The other starting forward is right winger-cum striker Emre Ozturk. He’s not as strong or imposing, is slightly shorter at 5 foot 10 but is quicker being a natural right winger, got a decent touch on him and it’s an easy choice to go with the big man / not as big man combo up top. Both look solid enough for the Turkish third division but both look a world apart from the forwards that reported to me in Bangor. Sorry Dale Patton, you did the job in Ireland but I've got Fatih Aktay to scratch my center forward itch this season.

Ending the first day I was greeted by one of the clubs longest serving players, center half Umut Gedik. He’s as tall as me at 6’ 3’’, slightly better looking with long flowing hair I’m dead jealous of, but an all round pro. 

After reading my coaches report given to me by Mark earlier, I note that Umut, despite being labelled the best center half in the squad, apparently has low concentration. I don’t want to think of him chasing butterflies around the pitch while the other more illustrious teams in Turkey’s third division rip through our defensive line, so I make him the captain in the hopes that it makes him more focused. He did help me settle in the capital to be fair and he showed me around the town after training. I told him I’d been drinking in that bar in the Mamek district and we should go there for a few

‘Fuck no bossman. We go to a place of culture, of real beer and real women’. I told him women I’m a fan of and culture is always nice. He smiled and led the way to a taxi rank which took us to a better looking boozer than the one I’ve been frequenting these last couple of days. 

In keeping with showing him who’s boss, I nine balled him 3 times in a row as we played pool but he had my number at darts. My friend the Doctor got talking to a girl at the bar and she told us about an all night poker game at the club next door. I’m fresh off winning a few rounds against Mark earlier in the day so felt it was only right to take my winning form into the all night game, my friend also tagging along with me and my newly appointed captain.

Umut told me I can rely on him this season, anything I need I can rely on him. He told me he’ll keep the lads in line, hand out punishment when needed and generally have my back. I said ‘thanks Ummy, but you’re not getting out of giving me back the 300 Lira you just lost to me’ He smiled and grabbed a couple more beers from the bar as we sat down to carry on the poker game.

Before the opening game of the season, I’ve missed the pre-season friendly games the team have had while I got my shit together for the move over to Turkey, we go right into competitive action, well, as competitive as Tokat Sports Club away can be. 

I’m also provided pre season odds by the local media, who reckon Etimesgut are good for a mid table finish. I feel this little piece of information is rendered ineffective seeing as how the manager is Jock McGhee and not an actual football manager with any level of meaningful experience or competence.

== == == == ==

I'm sure the press officer and personal assistant faces are generated in the same way as newgen faces. You can find the id for these in the ID';s for these in FMRTE if you're wanting to change them

You need the editor data, there's a guy that does the English lower league, Dan something. He's def done it for 23 so may have done it for 24.

I had this with kitbasher. The images you've stored, have you extracted and saved them in the correct place? I can't remember exactly how to do it but it's on the discord you have to extract and put the images in the right place in a certain way. Then obviously close and then reload kitbasher

Depends how you're paying. If the fee is up front then it will be taken from your budget as soon as you press confirm transfer, doesn't matter when the player joins. If it's over time, say 12 monthly payments, the first payment will come out the following month, so if you confirm the transfer in February the first monthly payment will leave your budget in March

Data update on the site:

https://sortitoutsi.net/football-manager-data-update

It's because of the amount of players in your game. If you start with a large database, there's only going to be so many Ivorian players available, and unless you select Ivory Coast to have all players of nationality included, the game will only produce a handful of newgens each year. That along with more players retiring than newgens coming through means the number of players will be constantly going down.

When all you can think about is young 15/16 year old boys from random countries around the world

🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

The Journeyman Jock - All roads lead to Ankara

In my gym bag alongside clothes for a week, I had 4 cans of Red Bull, 2 cans of Carlsberg Export, 45 tramadol & 18 oxycodone tablets,  2 inhalers for my asthma, a bottle of Lynx Africa, 1 toothbrush and a small bag of white powder, believed to be cocaine, that I bought from someone outside the airport. In my friend's bag was 1 pair of boxer shorts & 1 pair of jeans. Underneath the only clothes he’d brought to Turkey was a full bottle of tequila, another half full bottle of tequila, a full bottle of diet Pepsi, 3 cans of Fosters, 18 ecstasy tablets he somehow managed to blag onto the flight into Turkey and out of the airport, something about them being his psychotic meds as well as a whole rainbow of different coloured tablets he’d managed to procure during our meagre 4 hours in the country. These other pills were a mixture of uppers, downers, levelers, laughers, lovers and killers apparently. That may seem excessive but when you’ve got a narcotic dependent raving lunatic of a friend tagging along, and with yourself being a borderline alcoholic with a complete disregard for common sense, the tendency is to see how far you can push things.

'Pass me the fucking map' My friend yelled. He’s started asking people to call him the Doctor. I gave him the map as we tried to figure out where we were 'It's all in fucking Russian or Chinese or some shit' he said back to me

'Turkish you fucking mallet, how many times do I need to tell you, we're in fucking Turkey!'

'I tell ya what, this gear we picked up from that lad on the corner outside the airport is absolute class' he said as he turned the map upside down and back to front a number of times.

We eventually stop the rental car, a Ford Escort that has long ago seen its best days, outside what looks like a bar of some sort. I say bar, it was a wooden building with a red flashing sign that says bira on it next to the door. I know bira means beer in Turkish, it was the first word I looked up before setting off from Glasgow airport.

We walk in and immediately look out of place. A couple of what I'd say locals turn their heads toward us both, me wearing a blue New York Yankees cap, a pair of Nike shorts, a pair of white and blue Converse All-stars and last seasons Motherwell away shirt, McFadden on the back. The Doctor wearing a pair of sandals (with socks), a pair of black jhorts and a white vest with a brown stain on the collar. Oh and his prized possession, his Aviators that I swear he's not taken off since we were kicked out of college during the first week

After what seemed like hours which in reality was probably only 6 seconds, the powder we'd acquired was taking its hold on me by this point, the locals went back to their drinks. We took a seat at the bar, at least it looked like a bar and my friend waved the man behind over

'Barkeep, uno pint for my amigo por favor, and uno whisky no ice for moi, por favor' the good Doctor said enthusiastically. 

I shook my head and said 'That's a combination of Spanish and French you fucking melt'

'Oui amigo. You need to fit in around here, don't want them knowing we're not locals do we'. Idiot.

After the bartender gave us 2 pints of what could best be described as tar with a hint of beer flavouring, I found myself talking to an older guy who spoke really good English. 

I didn't try to speak Turkish, I only know hello and beer. The old boy told us we'd found ourselves in the Mamek district of Ankara, also known as 1 of the poorest in the city and just on the outskirts of where tourists tend to go. He told me this is the kind of place people move to when they've had 1 too many run-ins with the law in Ankara proper and they're not welcome in the more civilised areas of the big city.

I'd liken this to be Ankara's answer to downtown Glasgow, or somewhere like Sunderland or Middlesbrough in England. A slum and a graveyard mixed in together, or possibly the last stop on a persons complete exile from the main areas of Ankara. It's the kind of place a lady of the night, sex worker they preferred to be called now, goes when they've turned 40, had 3 abortions and the pimps realise they're no longer making enough money like the higher paying hookers. Or a drug dealer who's ran up too much bad credit with the high rolling bars and night clubs, or what my new friend told me the locals call a keko, street trash. This can be anyone from a thief, rapist, arsonist and so on but basically you've burned all your bridges and here you are living in Mamek district.

The popular places in Ankara proper pay a lot of local muscle to keep these lowlifes out, not just of their establishments but the main tourist areas of Ankara itself, as well as making sure there's not even a slight chance of any miscreant causing but an inconvenience. Public drunks, drug dealers even people selling fake Primark clothes are dealt with easily in Ankara's main areas, dragged into a secluded spot and given a not so subtle lecture about never coming back, but not out here in Mamek, so my new elderly friend tells me.

For those connected to the right people, Ankara is a gold mine. In an economy when a bar owner could make over 5 grand on a quiet night it pays to keep the down and outers, the scum, the lowlifes out of sight and out of mind. These muscle types don't care who pays them and Ankara breeds its own community of hired muscle that accumulate around the power players and where the money is. Basically, once you're out of the main square in Ankara centre, you're out for good, out here with the hustlers, the pimps, the dealers, the crazies addicted to anything in powder form. In short, places like Mamek are where you go to score some gear with no references and no questions asked, before heading into Ankara and acting like a moral citizen. A week in Mamek would be like stepping into a time machine and going back to a long forgotten time, probably sometime around prohibition.

I'd also heard rumblings of a new political party making waves in Ankara, and apparently they had ties to the Turkish Mafia. My new friend told me that the new party, Türkiye halk için, Turkey for the People, were apparently slightly right wing but had everyone's best interest at heart, which, according to the old man was saçmalıklar, bollocks. The organised crime ties were too strong to hide but somehow the party were taking hold on Turkish politics and had already managed to elect a member to the Grand Assembly, which is Turkey's House of Parliament. I told the old man that I'm simply here on a work visa (yet to be granted) and not going to get involved in politics. It's not my business, I don't do politics, every time I've mentioned politics, or religion for that matter, I've lost friends and gained entries on my criminal record. The less said the better in my mind.

Back to speaking about Ankara and not politics with my new friend, I was not to be deterred, I told him 'Mate this is nout, Glasgow is full of wrong uns, pimps, pushers and thieves. Motherwell isn't too bad though' He shook his head and said 'I never go Scotland, too cold' I had to laugh at this, people always moan about the weather in Scotland but it never stopped them coming to the greatest nation in the world.

Moving on with my time in the bar, I was told if you've got the money and you're looking for the best cocaine in Ankara, you're in the right place. My friend had found this out from the barkeep apparently. All you need to do is get in touch with a Dutch lady of the night called 2 Penny Jenny. However at this moment in time we didn't fit the mould or have the characteristics of the general populace of Ankara. We had a rental car for starters, when most of the regulars to this bar don't have cars. I had a job, well I was in Ankara to accept a job, which is a foreign word to most of the people in this area as well.

So finishing my pint of beer flavoured tar, off we went. Me, half cut from cheap piss poor ale and the Doctor absolutely leathered and looking for another fix. We eventually found our way across Ankara to Etimesgut Stadium, where Erdan Yildiz, the chairman was waiting with a big smile and a hand shake 'Welcome my Jock friend' he said in broken English 'You came at right time, team just finished training and waiting to meet you, come quick' and we made our way to the meeting room in the stadium, where I signed a 1 year deal to become the new manager of Etimesgut Belediyespor FC. 

No, me neither.

 == == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - Back home
 

Date 01/05/17 - I’m sat on my parents sofa back in Motherwell contemplating what to do with myself. I’ve been out of work 3 days since that cuck Trevor sacked me from Bangor. 

06/05/17 - Bottles on the kitchen side, cheap whisky & even cheaper vodka, empty McEwans lager cans mixed in amongst empty Spar brand cola cans I mixed with the vodka. The old boy, my dad, ever keen to get me out of his house, takes me to go see my beloved Motherwell at Fir Park, a ground I’ve been to many times, to watch them play Partick Thistle.  A win here would be 1 step closer for them to secure survival in the SPL and keep Partick second bottom, 3 points behind Motherwell on 29. It’s 2-0 to Thistle at the half, 3 at full time. Pathetic. Boos rain down from the mostly sold out ground. I saw a young boy crying too. Chin up son, 2 games to go yet, plenty of time to save the season.
 

08/05/17 -  I apply for the managers job at Forfar Athletic stating a lifelong desire for the club (a lie) and its fans (another lie) and the unearthing and mentoring of young Scottish talent (slightly true). I also email Sunderland FC saying if they want a Scotsman to do a slightly better job than the current Scot they’ve got, Davey Moyes, I’m the man for the job.
 

10/05 - Sunderland reply saying they’re fully behind Moyes and are confident they can win their next 4 games (away at Chelsea and Bournemouth, at home to Man United and Stoke) and survive relegation. Forfar replied saying no thanks to the application but thanks for the time taken sending my 1 lined CV in. Newcastle United win the Championship, losing only 5 all season to go with their 36 wins, Bristol City finish second on 81 points, 32 points behind Newcastle. Matt Ritchie wins player of the year. Tammy Abraham on loan from Chelsea to  Bristol leads the scoring charts with 21 in 39 league games.
 

13/5 - Motherwell are 11th and Partick Thistle with a better goal difference are 10th, both are level on points with 32 each, with Dundee sitting bottom of the league in 12th, 3 points behind on 29 with a game in hand.  Motherwell play Dundee away today. I go to the local boozer, The Black Flag, with my dad and meet a few old pals and watch the game. Motherwell batter Dundee for 87 minutes straight, 14 shots, 9 on target, 2 disallowed goals for offside, dubious at best and a stonewall penalty denied by the ref. They slow down for the final 2 plus 4 added minutes on, content with a draw. The result? A 92nd minute winner for Dundee. Sickening, heartbreaking, depressing. My dad orders a curry and goes home. I order an eighth of coke and 3 acid tablets in The Flag from a guy called Giles, and don’t end up back on my parents sofa for 3 days.
 

16/05 - 19/05 - I’m as rough as a badgers arse and my throat is as dry as a nuns twat. I’m laid up at my mams house drinking water and watching shitty day time TV. Reruns of Ricki Lake from the 90’s peak my interest, I never knew how fit she really was. Mental note to Google her later on when I can be arsed to move again. I can smell the comedown sweat and hangover booze reeking off me, no wonder my mam hasn’t spoken to me properly. No new jobs interest me in football management, not that I could be bothered to apply anyway
 

20/05 - I email Portadown FC in Northern Ireland, just relegated to the Championship. I figured that all teams in Northern Ireland are desperate and they hire anyone, so they’ll hire me, I’ll sign Pavel from Ballyclare on a free and we’ll piss the division and get promoted. I also email Gap Connahs Quay in Wales and try my luck by emailing Stranraer, where my mate Bazza plays right full back.
 

22/5 - The final game of the SPL season. Motherwell sit 11th on 32 points, as do Dundee who lost their game in hand away at Livingston. Partick Thistle are almost safe on 35 points with a goal difference of plus 3, so a win by 3 clear goals for Motherwell and a Dundee and Partick loss each will secure survival. If Motherwell match the Dundee result and Partick don’t lose that will see us in the relegation play off place. Kilmarnock are the visitors.  Kilmarnock have nout to play for but start strong and take the lead in the 7th minute, twats. Mortherwell responded well and are level at halftime. They come out all guns blazing in the second half, fans on their side making a lot of noise, they rattle the bar and the Killie keeper makes a number of saves. I tell my dad if I was in charge I’d bring on Jacob Blyth and Craig Clay, and go 4-4-2, and as if by magic Billy Stark does just that. 
 

For the final 20 minutes of the game the subs link up really well and yet again we’re fucked by the linesman as he’s flagging as soon as Blyth heads a perfect cross from Clay into the net. Another dubious offside call. Still 1-1 with 5 to go. Well are on the attack, every player but our keeper Craig Samson & Killie forward Connor Sammon are in the Killie half, and as a shot is blocked on the edge of the box, it’s booted up field from the Killie defence to Sammon who’s in the Motherwell half with only Samson in goal for company. A guy next to me shouts asking why the flags not gone up, I tell him he’s not offside because the ball was played from his own half. He sits down knowing exactly what’s coming. 

Sammon dribbles forward it’s like he’s in slow motion, the Motherwell players sprinting to catch up to him to no avail. Sammon gets there and looks up from the edge of the box, opens his body up as if to shoot, and as Samson rushes out to the edge of the box and goes down to try and take the ball, Sammon skips around him to his left and taps the ball into the empty net. The silence at Fir Park is deafening. The only solace being he doesn’t celebrate, he just jogs back to the center circle. Shafted by a last minute goal in the final 2 games of the season. As the match restarts the ref blows his whistle for full time. Dundee beat Saint Johnstone 3-1 to finish in the relegation play off place, Motherwell relegated to the Championship. There was no booing, no jeering, just stunned silence and plenty of shaking heads for the most part. Gutted.
 

23/05 - Motherwell sack Billy Stark. Stranraer email back saying despite Bazza (David Barron, back up right back) giving me a glowing reference, they aren’t going to sack their current manager. Connahs Quay email back saying I didn’t meet the criteria. I am invited to a Skype interview with Portadown however, so things are looking up.
 

01/06 - China’s transfer window opens and like last year they’re just spunking money up the wall. Lucas Mendes, John Obi Mikel, Nikola Kalinic, Pepe, Fred, Yann M’Vila, Lucas Leivia and Arda Turan all make big money moves to China. Zlatan Ibrahimović falls out with Jose Mourinho over the rumored signing of Harry Kane, and signs for LA Galaxy on a free transfer. 22 goals in 29 league games from Zlatan is not enough for Man United to keep him.

02/06 - I log on to my dads computer for my Skype interview with Portadown. As soon as the interview starts, Roy McMahon tells me he’s obtained a reference for me, and Trevor Best, wearing a Bangor scarf around his forehead like it's a bandana slides into view with a big shit eating grin on his face. I just exit the call pissed off. I ring my mate who’s finally back from Northern Ireland, being detained on suspicion of a number of break ins and grand theft autos in Bangor & Belfast. No further action taken, however he’ll be watched like a hawk should he return to Ireland, Northern or Republic.
 

14/6 - More transfer news as Harry Kanes on again off again transfer is completed from Spurs to Man United, 101 million the quoted fee. Spurs fans are livid at Daniel Levy and protest outside the clubs training ground which is shown on the hour every hour on Sky Sports News.
 

13/06 - Scotland lose to Japan in a friendly 2-0. It was like watching Motherwell these last 3 games, play really well for the most part, switch off for a moment and concede. Both Japan goals came from counter attacks.

19/06 - Toby Alderweirald gets his wish after flapping in a press conference after Belgium's game at home to Russia and joins Harry Kane at Man United for the sum of 49 million. Everton join Sunderland in the Championship in a rebuilding phase, and have the audacity to attempt to lure Rafa Benitez from Newcastle. The idea being he’s just won the Championship with Newcastle, he could do it again with Everton. Rafa just laughed when about it asked in a press conference. The Everton squad is piss poor at best, many managers, myself included, think they’ll be in the second division for a while. Sunderland don't reply back despite another mail from me, reminding them I can do a better job than Moyes, especially in The Championship. Aston Villa scraped survival in the second division, Norwich stuttered in the playoffs. Leeds, led by Harry Redknapp since January, propped up the league for most of the season and are relegated to League One. Brentford are promoted through the play offs, beating Sheff Wed on penalties.
 

20/06 - Scotland redeem themselves after the Japan game and beat the mighty Malta in a friendly 2-0, Matt Ritchie of Newcastle and Scott McTominay of Man Untied with the goals. Scenes at Hampden Park.

21/06 - 19/07 - Nothing of note happens in football. No managers jobs come up and no matches are played. I spend my days between my parents living room and The Black Flag.

20/07 - Motherwell legend and my spirit animal James McFadden officially retires from playing and joins new Well boss Stephen Robinson on his backroom staff. The dog nonces at Celtic win the league for the millionth time, but do sell Moussa Dembele to Lyon for 9 million. Not surprising really he was far too good for the SPL. The knuckle draggers from the blue side of Glasgow, under Steve McClaren since November, finish 3rd behind Aberdeen and bring in a load of players no one has ever heard of. 
 

21/07 - 01/08 - I email the following clubs, in no particular order asking about the vacant managers position knowing fine well I wouldn't get an interview. These clubs replied saying thanks but I'm not what they're looking for but good luck for the future - AFC Wimbeldon, Cardiff City, Gateshead, York City & Canvey Island. Deciding not to look at English teams, I emailed Molde in Norway claiming to be Ronny Deila's mate. I emailed Malmo in Sweden saying I've just been on a coaching course with Zlatan, and Barcelona saying I'm the man for their B team in the third division. Barca do reply saying I need certain coaching badges and a bit more experience before they'll talk to me, and to reach out when I do. Molde sent an automated reply saying my email has been flagged as spam and Malmo don't bother replying at all. I email Stranraer hoping they've forgot about my previous email, Bazza says the chairman's a bit forgetful, but I get the same email reply as I did previously, copy and paste at it's finest. I found out teams in Malaysia are looking for managers, so send off a cheeky email to Pahang and the Malaysian Under 21's, but get rejected on both counts. Shamrock Rovers in Ireland, Republic not Northern, are looking for a new manager, but I don't bother wasting my time with them. 
 

14/08 - Liverpool's laughable year continues. After sacking Klopp in December and hiring Roberto Mancini, they sold Sadio Mane to Real Madrid for 50 million in January. This is followed by them selling Coutinho for 30 million and Emre Can for 22 million both to Bayern Munich. They reinvest the money in Marcel Sabitzer for 13 million and  the unproven Breel Embolo for 9 million. As I say, laughable, you love to see it.
 

15/08 - Stephen Robinson makes some transfers to begin life in the Scottish Championship. He brings in big names such as Mark Gillespie from Carlisle, Hamza Choudhury from Chelsea, Jay Spearing on a free & Tom Adeyami on loan from Birmingham for the (hopefully) whistle stop tour of the second division. Dominic Samuel also joins on a free, his 18 goals in 42 league games for Ipswich Town last season enough to tempt Robinson into making the deal. Most of the players from the season just ended that helped relegate Motherwell leave, thankfully.
 

16/08 - I get a call from unknown number. I don’t usually answer withheld numbers but on this occasion I do. ‘Mister Jock’ the caller started ‘I have a proposition for you’
 

== == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - A Scotsman, a football club and a car bonnet

'Remind me again' I asked my friend 'why we're in an abandoned warehouse, with flashlight helmets in the middle of the night?'

'Got a tip off there's some good gear here' he replied

'Right, what gear?

'A car bonnet, a box of amitriptyline and a tin of tartan paint'

'Tartan paint? Are you an idiot?'

'What? I thought you being Scottish would appreciate it'

'There's no such thing as tartan paint ya' fucking whopper'

'Whatever. Anyway the car bonnets also for you'

'What would I want with a car bonnet?'

'That car you rammed into the lamp post a few weeks back, I saw the lass outside Boots, she was crying into a Starbucks, she's got a vendetta against you cos of it, was calling you all sorts of names. Anyway I told her we're dealing with it and we'll repair it double time. I've got her number to sort it'

'Right, and a car bonnet, the exact same style as the one I broke has been left here, in the middle of a warehouse, unattended and......' he cut me off

'Ssshhh will ya, you'll wake the guard. He's an old retiree, packed in from British Rail but works part time here. Anyway the bonnet has been left here, we just need to remove it from the car it's currently attached to'

'And there it is, why did I think this was gonna be easy?'

As we were rummaging around this warehouse the buzz was starting to kick in from the powder my friend had given me. He was draggling his hold-all with various things inside making more noise than I was, but we found the car, bonnet still attached near the rear service door of the warehouse.

As we got to the car my friend pulled out a mallet, an adjustable wrench, a socket set and a pair of safety goggles. He went to work on the bonnet telling me 'keep an eye out for Old Man Morley, he's got a dog and a shotgun' I asked how he knew the guards name, he told me the girl whose car we're doing this for told him.

After about 20 minutes of him twisting, wrenching and sweating buckets he said 'fuck this, here get on top and pull the bonnet from there' he pointed to the joint, and as I held the bonnet he started smashing it with his hammer. After 7 or 8 hits it came off, we repeated the process on the other side. Just as he got to the third hit I heard a voice 

'Who's there? Is that you Janice?'

'Fuck, Old Man Morley' my friend said, but it was too late. 'See em' off Butch get em' I heard him say. Now I'd like to point out that I'm not afraid of many things, but dogs is definitely one of them. In the cavernous warehouse the dogs bark was amplified, not to mention my friends now shouting voice as we yanked the bonnet free from the rest of the car. As the barks grew louder panic set in, I thought we were done for.

I made it to the service exit about 100 yards from the car when I heard my friend yell 'shit, the dogs got me, you go on without me' but I wouldn't let a friend get tore to shreds by this great big, snarling......little puppy. I walked back over to him and the dog, and this tiny little terrier was playfully tugging on my friends laces. I looked up and saw Old Man Morley struggling with the stairs, I doubt he could make out our faces in the dark. So I found a rock nearby and threw it and said 'get it boy' and the pup ran off.

We hauled the bonnet out the warehouse and into the van my friend had procured. I even went back to the door, looked in and saw the old man still hadn't made it to the bottom of the stairs, so I locked the door and got in the van.

== == == == ==

Before the warehouse escapade I had a call from Trevor, telling me that Pavel Vieira had agreed to talk with Ballyclare Comrades about a move there. They were second bottom of the Championship, the division above us. This was bad news for a couple of reasons.

Due to the nature of him being on a part time deal it was inevitable he'd leave at some point. I spoke to him to try and get him to at least stay until the end of the season. I tried pleading the case that we would go on to win the solitary cup competition we were still in, but it was no dice, he was splitsville.

After he accepted the deal with them we went on a horrid fun of form, winning only 1 of the next 7 games, and that was to a lucky 114th minute winner against the Glenavon reserve side in the Intermediate Cup, but as fate would have it we were drawn against Ballyclare fucking Comrades in the semi!

As much as we tried I couldn't get us a replacement for him in, not that any player in the Irish third division could match him. 

Obviously the semi final against Ballyclare was a piss take. Pavel getting 3 assists and having the best game of his career. He'd played well for us but on this day he was so far above the rest of his former team mates it was embarrassing. I didn't shake his hand after the match either. Oh, and Ballyclare went on to the win the cup, so there's some solace in the fact we lost to the winners, I guess.

We did however grind a couple of draws out and we found ourselves third in the table with 1 game to go. We had a late kick off game against Lisburn Distillery, and we only needed a draw to secure a place in the play offs, and a final chance to gain promotion that I promised the chairman.

You already know what happened in the game as Lisburn did fuck all, we did even less and came away with a 1-0 home loss

I was called into to see Trevor after losing 1-0 at home to Lisburn Distillery on the last game of the season, a draw would've been enough to get us into the play off place as Dundela had lost their last game and we had a slightly better goal difference.

'Give me 1 good reason why I should keep you on for next season, and make it a good one' he said to me, this before I even had chance to speak to the players after the Lisburn game

'Because if we had kept Pavel we'd have gone up'

'But you didn't, and you pissed promotion up the wall'

'Yeah but with your help I'm sure we can get a couple of players in, rebuild the midfield and crack on, job done boss'

'Okay, that's convinced me to keep you on' I thought what a stroke of good luck that was. 'However, footballing reasons aside, the reason I'm sacking you is that you coerced my only daughter into doing drugs in Belfast, kidnapped her and her friends and drove my car into a fucking lamp post!' the vein in his neck working overtime

Not to be deterred, and I had a sneaky feeling this was coming, I said 'fear not valued boss of mine, I've got a replacement bonnet for her, it's in the club house right next to my bed, me and my friend will sort it tonight'

'You fucking idiot Jock. That bonnet is red, the car you fucked is yellow. And that warehouse you stole it from, ALSO BELONGS TO ME! Get out now before I call the police' I sat up not really knowing what to say before he said 'Oh and one other thing I forgot to mention. I'm on the board of the Northern Ireland Football Association, and I have friends and business partners all over the UK, and trust me when I say you won't be finding work in Ireland, England, Scotland or Wales for a very long time'

'Good, Irelands a shit hole anyway! I yelled before dodging his mobile phone that he'd thrown at me.

I was officially sacked that afternoon and left Bangor with a record of 33 games, 16 wins, 5 draws, 12 losses & 1 stolen car bonnet in red. As well as the red bonnet, I had a bill of £375 to repair the bonnet on the car I broke, the yellow one as well as another bill for £590 to order and fit a replacement bonnet for the other car, the red one.

== == == == ==

You'll win the super cup, Ludogorets think it's a Mickey Mouse trophy so won't bother trying 😂😂

The Journeyman Jock - Watch out for the lamp post

As a team we'd had a bit of a rocky start to life in Bangor. A good opening day win over Sport & Leisure Swifts was followed by getting knocked out of 3 cups by much better teams in higher divisions, but I wasn't concerned by that.

From getting the boot from the third cup, the Northern Ireland league cup, we went on a good run, in 15 games we lost only 3 and went on a great run of 5 wins heading into a short winter break, topping the table with a 2 point advantage

As for the plus 23 goal difference we had at this point, we have striker Dale Patton to thank. 12 goals and 4 assists so far from him. He's a 19 year old that possibly could cut it in a higher league, which lets be fair we're probably gonna be playing in next season.

Pavel Vieira is also earning his wage, literally the full clubs wage budget is being spent on him, he's rocking 4 goals & 8 assists so far. 

For me though the turning point was the home game against Newington Youth. Up to that point we'd won 3 of the previous 10 games in all competitions. They boasted the leagues leading scorer in Tony O'Hanlon who'd scored 5 goals in the last 4 games, 13 overall for the season. We also needed a center half as we only had 2 at the club, and we managed to sign Sean Adams on a free from Newington Youth.

We also needed a center half as we only had 2 at the club, and we managed to sign Sean Adams on a free from Newington Youth.

The result wasn't even in doubt, at all. Adams had O'Hanlon in his back pocket the full match as we ran out 5-0 winners, and it wasn't even close. O'Hanlon had exactly zero shots on goal in the game and from then on we never looked back, racking up wins and goals, with the 1 loss from after the Newington game being an anomaly.

As for the short break, I told the boys to do whatever they want and I'll see them back on 4th January, a week before the first game after the break. As for me, well I felt it was time to celebrate a job half well done. I'd been to the handful of pubs in Bangor a few times and felt it was time to experience the high point of Northern Irish nightlife, so me and my friend took a bus from Bangor to the heart of Belfast, it took less than half an hour.

During our night of booze and gear I got talking to nice girl, I say nice, she had all of her teeth and she could dance pretty well, both qualities most girls back in Motherwell don't possess. The night was progressing and I had her wrapped round my little finger if I do say so myself.

She said we should get a taxi and invited me back to her place, but me being the gentleman I insisted I drove, problem being I didn't have a car. No issue, she's got her dads car and I could drive it, as long as nothing happens to it. I smiled, took the keys and off we went.

My friend had also managed to find some more people to join us on the drive from Belfast back into Bangor, luckily she lived there so it worked out alright and I wouldn't have to pay for a taxi back to my shack next to the clubs stadium. As we were nearing the road into Bangor my friend passed me a CD case with a fat line of white powder and a rolled up 10 pound note atop it. I did the only sensible thing and took control of the wheel with my knees and proceeded to sniff the powder graciously.

Before long the inevitable happened and I careened into a lamp post. No one was hurt we were only going about 65 miles an hour. As we got out of the car my friend called an Uber as the girl was sobbing uncontrollably, muttering something about her dad and his car.

As I got into the Uber she was yelling all sorts of obscenities at me and told me her dad wouldn't forget this and that I'm the scum of the Earth and something about all Scottish people being bastards. Harsh words but warranted on this occasion I think. I didn't think any more of it as we found ourselves in another bar in Bangor, celebrating a successful first 6 months in football management.

== == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - Every journey has some new beginning

‘Why you telling me you’re shagging your bird in 2 weeks pal?’ my friend asked

‘What?!’ I replied, dumbstruck

‘You’ve just said you’re off to bang her in a fortnight, I don’t care when you bang her, I just….’

I cut him off. ‘You muppet, I said Bangor, as in Bangor, the place in Ireland. I’ve got a job there, you’re coming with me’

‘Oh right, soz I guess’

‘It’s alright’ and that was the end of that conversation. We got our things together for our trip across to Ireland. I’d got a payday loan I had zero intention of paying back, and off we were. We made our way to the coast, specifically Loch Ryan, and got on a boat over to the port in Belfast. From there it was a short trip up to the coast and into Bangor to meet the clubs owner and chairman Trevor Best.

‘First things first, I hate the fact we’re in the third division, I hate that we got relegated last season, and I hate that I’ve lost more money than I ever had with this stinking football club. I want you to get us promoted out of this division this season, you can use any tactics and any players, I don’t care. There’s no transfer fund and the full wage budget, all 600 quid of it is being paid to Pavel. You want to free up funds you need to get rid of him. Any questions so far?’

I liked his forwardness so I asked him ‘So I’m sorting out the last mans mess am I?’

‘Something like that. Any more?

‘Yeah just one thing….’ he cut me off aggressively

‘As noted, promotion this season, and I want you to achieve it on 200 quid a week, but you can live rent free in the club house next to the ground. What do you say?’

I didn’t have any other options really. I’d burned a few bridges back home, and I needed a fresh start, so I said the only thing that came to mind ‘You’re a tight twat that’s obvious, but fuck it you’re on’

‘Anything less than promotion and it’s curtains’ He slid his thumb across his throat the same way that wrestler The Undertaker does, which I thought was a bit weird, but whatever.

And that was that. I rocked up in Ireland on a whim looking for a fresh start, and now I’m the manager of the Bangor FC Football Club.

'The owner wants promotion, so we've gotta do what we can to deliver on that promise' I told the players on my first day at the club 'The main tactic I think we should go with, is win the ball back, deep, in the middle, high up wherever, just win it back. Then, this is the main and most important part, we look up and try and find Pavel Vieira who I'm sure you'll all agree is the best player in this team by a country mile, get him the ball and let him do his thing. Any questions?' No response, just a look of pure joy on Pavel's face.

To say he's the best player in the team is an understatement. This is a bloke who's played for teams in Portugal and Spain, and here he is loving life in Northern Ireland. I'm a bit worried as all it'll take is a couple of good performances, and let's be blunt it's not gonna be hard in this division which is a glorified farmers league at best, and a team even in the Championship, the second tier offers him any deal and he's gone. 

I'd also like to point out here, that at no point did I ever mention my Moneyball idea, or anything to do with transfers with Trevor, he seemed desperate to get someone in to manage the team. Bangor, luckily for me, are favourites to be promoted this season, so it's pretty much a guarantee we're going up. Next season is when I'll really get into my incredible transfer strategy.

With everything out the way and done on my first day in the job, I did the only thing I could think of to celebrate my new found employment in the northern part of the Emerald Isle, and that would be getting steaming drunk on Guinness, taking too many prescription painkillers and generally making a fool of myself.

I noticed an 80's theme bar on the drive into town after finishing off my first day at the club, and I thought Northern Ireland of all places wouldn't want be celebrating the 80's, but what did I know? Next thing I thought I would be seeing is a potato superstore on the high street of the town, but I did not.

== == == == ==

The Journeyman Jock - Chapter 1

The year is 2016 shortly after New Years day, I think. My memories are hazy after a long weekend. It all began with a Steam sale, a 6 pack of Carlsberg and a book, not necessarily in that order. Life hadn’t been too kind to an out of work painkiller addicted piss poor Scottish footballer let me tell you that much.

Due to being unemployed, in football or otherwise, I have spent a lot of time doing next to nothing with my life. I have watched a lot, and I mean a lot of football during the days and nights where nothing meaningful or productive was going on. Who knew the Mexican fourth division was so exciting?

I remember going to the library before they all shut down, with my pal, who had a car. I did not, and the buses in Motherwell, every single 1 of them smell like 3 day old Chinese takeaway, dog piss and bad decisions. When asked why we’d be heading for the library, I told him ‘did you know, that if they wanted to, Red Bull Salzburg could afford Ronaldo’ he asked me what I’d been sniffing that day, to which I replied nothing, yet.

When pressed, I told him about the aforementioned book. The book is called Moneyball. It’s about baseball I said. He just looked at me as if I’d pissed in the kettle before making a coffee. I then said because of this book, I went onto Steam and saw, quite handily, that a game called Out of the park baseball was on offer. So I bought it, knowing next to fuck all about baseball. You do some stupid things when you’re a member of the unemployed community.

After reading this book on a sport I know nothing about, I now know enough about baseball that on my first attempt on Out of the park baseball I posted a season of over .500. What this means, I found out thanks to Moneyball is that we won over 50% of our games. We won 109 and lost just 45 for reference. Granted I was playing as the New York Yankees, in the 1927 season, also known as one of the best seasons and squads the Yankees have ever had. Also some guy named Babe Ruth was hitting balls and home runs for fun. He ended with 86 homers (home runs to me and you) that season. And Lou Gehrig was named MVP for me too. Household names to baseball fans I’m sure.

I also now know that Moneyball is a concept used by a number of football clubs. In short, it means buying low and selling high, like what the Red Bull teams have been doing. It also encompasses that a team, most noticeably the Oakland Athletics, sign a player that is undervalued by his current club for whatever reason, but has performed better than a player already at the signing club. Simple right.

It also tells us that up and coming players, in baseball players signed in the draft (just like the MLS in football, NBA and so on) could be signed for free (or cheaply) developed and perform well and then sold (or traded) for a higher value. In baseball this could be draft picks or salary sacrifice. In football this would a transfer fee, buy low sell high. See Red Bull Salzburg’s transfer history, they do this a lot.

In short, at Salzburg, a player is scouted and signed. Then plays and gets plenty of training and development, does well and sold on for a profit. Rinse and repeat. This season they just sold Naby Keita to affiliated club RB Leipzig for 29 million Euro, after signing him for 1.5 million 2 seasons ago. Obviously not all players are going to be a success, but that in essence is the strategy.

There will always be an abundance of players that are considered ‘older’, as in over 24/25 that are transfer listed and underappreciated by their current club. Using the Moneyball way of thinking, this player could have played well in certain metrics (passes made / completed, shots taken, shots on target and so on) but as a back up player. He could be bought for less than his actual worth because he’s not needed by his current employer and become a solid player for the buying club. The Oakland A's did this to perfection, despite not winning the World Series. Which wasn’t the point, the idea was they could compete well above their spending level based on statistics and they stabilised the team.

So where could I go with this method of thinking, this way of working at a football club that would work? A club that would be happy to take on a nobody with an idea? I thought maybe somewhere like Blackburn Rovers, you know a team that vilified Steve Kean through no fault of his own, a former Premier League winning club with a decent budget and so-so squad. Or what about a club in Europe like Ostersunds in Sweden, that took on Graham Potter who was a bog standard player with no coaching experience but knew his tactics. Even somewhere like Spain, and a club like Las Palmas, who rely on youth players and sales of better players to keep on going.

Then I thought maybe my own team Motherwell, a team I both love and hate, a team that needs something to happen, not so much get back to a relevancy that hardly ever existed, but to give us some hope of actually winning something. It’s the hope that kills you, but Motherwell just seem content to stay in the SPL. But after pondering (what a great word that is) it for a while, I didn’t think any of those teams would take on such a person and his idea (realism innit), not yet anyway.

But look ashore I did, and found a couple of clubs I would approach that fit the bill. The bill being:
 

• A club that would realistically take on a former player with 1 coaching badge (again, realism)
   
• A club that is in need of a transfer strategy that would both work at their current level (RB Leipzig springs to mind) and will continue to work if / when progression was made
   
• A club that isn’t affiliated with Red Bull
   
• A club that isn’t Celtic or Rangers
   
• A club that won’t mind me packing my bags, and taking my scouting reports with me whenever a better opportunity comes up, should that ever happen
   

This brought me to a couple of places. Scotland, obviously. Both Irelands and England. As well as a host of European nations. I’m ruling out the ‘big’ leagues for now, they’ll come calling soon enough once I achieve the everlasting success I’m bound to have (insert fingers crossed gif or emoji here). I decided to propose my idea to teams in North and South America, but the first team I spoke to, an MLS team that shall for now be unnamed told me I sound like I already work for New York Red Bulls, hence the point above about my first team not being a Red Bull team (for now). Also the opening and closing stages and average points system most of those countries use gave me anxiety, so that was a no for the time being.

What I needed was some poor sap to listen to me and my idea, and luckily I managed to find such a person.

But now that I've got you hooked with the intro and a semi decent but totally not my idea, I hope you don't think this is going to be a story just about player stats, match by match reviews, transfers and profit and loss, because it’s not, there's plenty of other places you can find things like that. This is going to be mostly a story about me, little ol' Jock McGhee from Motherwell, with a bit of my football management career chucked in.

== == == == == ==

Geordie born and bred calling in. Made me laugh Lascelles wants a new challenge to goes to Burnley.

The Red Bull way chapter 5 – The midway point

‘What do you mean, considering his options?’ Jock asked the man sat in front of him

‘My client, Lokman has decided….’ Jock cut the man off abruptly

‘I know what you said, why can’t Lokman, your client, who is sat right next to you tell me this himself?!?’

‘He’s instructed me to deal on his behalf’

‘Right, you said that. So that I understand properly, your client, my player has decided he’s not willing to discuss a new contract, because he wants to explore some potential options. That correct?’

The man looked to his left to Lokman Gor, who nodded, so the man just nodded back. Scotsmen in general aren’t exactly known for their cool and calm temperament, and Jock McGhee is no exception. Showing his inexperience as a manager, he spoke in a forceful manner

‘So you’re what, expecting to get a better deal where exactly?’ He didn’t let either man speak before continuing ‘You’re a journeyman center half that’s probably enjoying his best season ever, no thanks to me and my tactics. No, let me finish (the agent tried to speak). We’re top of the league and playing well, looking like being promoted the way we’re playing. You’re saying you wanna explore your options, what are they exactly? Are you expecting a higher division team to roll out the red carpet to you? Is anyone even interested in you? Are you expecting a better deal from somewhere else because you’ve played well in 17 games in the third division? You’ll do well to get a better wage in this division yet alone some higher placed team’ he took a sip of his Red Bull whilst holding his hand up to stop either man talking as he did, then continued ‘I’ll tell you this for nout, I don’t want players here that don’t see their long term futures here. What’s the point playing well all season to get us promoted, or in the play offs at worst just to piss off when the season ends? You might as well get looking for a transfer out in this window because you won’t be in the starting line up from now on’

‘Now you just wait a minute, Lokman is a regular starter, it says so in his contract’ his agent protested

‘His contract that you’ve said you’re not interested in? Like it or not, he’s got to earn his place in the team from now on’ he waited a moment then said ‘Lets finish this now, it’s a waste of both our time trying to get you to sign a new deal. But let me end with this, you’re tossing off a good number here. You could be here when we go up, because we both know we’re going up. You could be here helping mentor the younger players as you know Red Bull are all about that, I’d have had you on the coaching team here but you’re pissing that up the wall in the hopes you might get a better deal paying slightly more somewhere else. Trust me, you won’t do. You’re not even the best center half here, that goes to Melih Mursal and you know it’

Jock got up and left without allowing either Lokman or his agent get another word in.

After getting back to the office area at the stadium, Jock said ‘In all fairness he’s been decent but I aren’t being taken for a mug by him and that prick of an agent he’s got’

‘Who else is going to play in defense though?’ Jose Thill, his assistant asked

‘Who’s that other guy that plays center half? Looks like he’d fit in working in a Turkish barbers on a high street somewhere in England?

‘Furkan Zorba? Yes he’s good enough but I’d still prefer Lokman to be…..’

‘Lokman’s not a starter any more, he needs to work bollocks off in training before I’ll even name him on the bench from now on’

‘Right, but aren’t you jeopardising the team taking this kind of stance?’

‘Nope. They all need to know who the boss is. I’ve got to live with my decisions, and right now my decision is Zorba will partner Muhail in defence’

Furkan Zorba is 1 of 2 other central defenders that have been back up to Muhail and Gor. He’s had a few showings off the bench and started the cup loss. Whilst nothing special in ability, for the league Ankara are in he’s solid enough. He’s now got a chance to prove himself and cement the starting position down.

We’re at the 6 month part of Jocks debut season, and it’s the end of the season for some teams in the Red Bull Group. The season has finished in Brazil, China, USA and Uruguay, but before checking the mails on his work issued iPhone Jock checks on the team he supports, Motherwell.

‘Ahh, still shite. The wall punchers and knuckle draggers are still top 2 then’ he said to no one in particular. Opening the Gmail app to read the company issued mails was next on his agenda

RE: Red Bull China / 23 season / JIA League

The Red Bull group took over in Shanghai with the club second bottom of the league. With a couple of key free transfer signings the club steered themselves away and survived with an 8 point cushion.

RE: New York Red Bulls / 23 season / MLS

With the season finished in the MLS, one of the groups leader teams in New York managed to finish the season in the Eastern Conference play off places, achieving the minimum target set out in January. We did however get knocked out of the play offs by Chicago Fire, on penalties no less, in the semi final. There is some solace in the fact Chicago went on to win the Eastern Conference.

The aim for New York now is to reach the play offs again in 2024. The team have also drafted 3 exciting prospects in the 2024 MLS Superdraft. Whilst a full squad rebuild isn’t on the cards, the 3 draft picks were made to supplement the team.

1st round, 21st pick – Center forward Dominic Stewart. Surprisingly still available at the 21st spot, Stewart looks to be a solid pick for the team. 14 goals in 23 games at Pathfinder is nothing to shy at, and his quickness, determination and ability to score is going to be well utilised in the team.

1st round, 25th Ricardo Andros. Another player scouted by New York who was passed up on by the other teams needs to fill other positions, the Mexican full back competent on both sides has already shown he’s the right fit for New York, with his pace and work rate that are going to be key in the high tempo style of play we use in the MLS. Having been called up to the Mexico under 20 squad for this months friendly games, he’s touted as a future international for his country.

2nd round, 54th pick – Attacking midfielder Jason Saucedo. The need for rotation options in midfield brought Saucedo to New York in the second round. The scouting team saw a lot of determination in Saucedo and he impressed in the pre draft work outs enough to secure being picked late on.

RE: Red Bull Melo / 23 season / Primera Division

Down in Uruguay Red Bull Melo endured a torrid season, finishing bottom of the overall league table after the opening and closing stages. The team avoided relegation based on the average points table, their 1.18 average points per game compared to Racing de Montevideo’s 1.05 average enough to save them this season.

Whilst the team secured survival, doing so by means of the average points system isn’t what we expect of a Red Bull team. There will be changes to both the coaching and playing staff this off season, and progress is to be expected in Uruguay.

RE: Red Bull Bragantino / 23 season / Serie A

In Brazil, Red Bull Bragantino managed to finish fifth in Serie A, although 20 points behind winners Flamengo. The team did make it all the way to the final of this seasons COPA Sudamericana, losing on penalties to Botafogo.

As with New York, Bragantino aren’t in a rebuilding stage and will be making moves to compliment the team and improve on a season well done. With that in mind the team are looking to compliment player of the season Eduardo Sasha and bring in players to improve upon the fifth place finish and take the next step, and win a trophy.

== == == == ==

Cross posted at The Journeyman Jock

Russia isn't playable in 24 is it? Good challenge idea though def following.

The Red Bull way chapter 4 – Leaders don’t create followers, they create more leaders

== == == == ==

There is a 2 week break now as Ankara are given a much needed rest. They’re on a roll all things considered, 14 league games in with a respectable record of 9-3-2, unbeaten in the last 5, and a goal difference of 25 puts them in 4th place

A top half finish was projected by the media, and required by the board and that is very much on course early on. Of those 9 wins there was this showing at The Red Bull Arena, as Ankara tore apart Isparta 32 Spor (great team name by the way) 6-2, which resulted in a perfect 10 rating for striker Fatih Aktay

Aktay’s second goal was a diving header inside the penalty area, a type of goal you don’t see much any more. He’s averaging 4 shots give or take a game and currently on 20 goals. Definitely turning out to be a key player early on, and leads the league in goals scored

For all the good showings in the league, Ankara were knocked out in the third round of the Turkish FA Cup, against second division side Erzurumspor in a pretty even game. An early goal for the higher placed team was enough despite it being a close game. We’re not concerned at this result, we weren’t expecting much from the cup this season anyway.

The board and fans are happy with how things are going so far as well.

Other notable players include wide man Siddik Istemi who can play on the left or right, but has been used mostly as our left winger and is tied on 9 assists so far.

Aktay’s striker partner Mertan Caner has a more than respectable 10 goals in 15 games and is linking up with Aktay as the shorter man in the big man / not as big man combo superbly well

Batuhan Salman, another wide player competent on either side has 2 goals & 7 assists to his name in 15 games. Used mostly on the right but has filled in on the left here and there

In terms of ongoing aims, it’s more of the same really. Unless we get any major injuries or offers for players we can’t turn down, there won’t be any incoming singings in January.

In this league teams can’t sign non Turkish players, or players who don’t have Turkish as a second nationality, so we won’t be using any of the other affiliated teams for loan singings at the minute. None of the other teams have any Turkish or part Turkish youth players yet anyway, and none would be interested in coming to Ankara this season I don’t think.

== == == == ==

Cross posted at The Journeyman Jock

The Red Bull way chapter 3 – Tactics and transfers

Jock stood in front of the Red Bull Ankara first team, in their last official meeting before the season starts proper. They’d had a handful of friendly games against local nobodies and part time teams, not breaking a sweat in any of them however. ‘I expect a lot of work both on and off the ball. I want aggressive pressing and tackling to win the ball back, and I want us to get it up top as quickly as possible. I’m not expecting any of that one touch no look ticky tacky crap or using buzz words like gegen pressing or whatever. We’ve got 1 objective this season, and that’s putting the building blocks in place to get us out of this division’

A few nods and murmurs from the first team, Jock carried on ‘And for the long term aims for the club, as you all know the board want to build the club up to progress up the leagues. Not only that but we’re bringing in a couple of players this season compliment the team, then we’ll be looking to develop the youth players at the club with the guidance of the senior players’ There was a bit of a murmuring at this, but he continued ‘I want to be able to use the clubs network of teams and players to help us, but the clubs aim is to develop our youth players in the long run so we’ll be exploring that when we can’

Jock left the players in the hands of his newly appointed assistant manager Jose Thill and headed off to another scheduled meeting, this one with his newly appointed director of football Frank Blohm

As he walked in Frank greeted him with a smile and said ‘Those 2 players we discussed, we’ve got them both signed and coming in’

Pulling himself a chair and a bottle of water he said ‘Great work pal, I wasn’t sure they’d go for Dogan to be fair, I mean with all the emphasis on youth….’ Frank cut him off

‘Sorry to interrupt, but I told them exactly what you said, in that it’s no good trying to develop youth players without some experience there to guide them. It’s okay having a manager and coaching team, but the youth players need guidance from those senior players that are playing regularly as well’ He let the moment hang a little longer than it probably should’ve done, before continuing ‘They’ll know all of this of course, and were probably glad we’d asked about bringing at least 1 older head into the first team’

Jock nodded appreciatively when Frank confirmed he’d managed to complete the signing of young center forward Mikail Basir on a free transfer, and left full back Ishak Dogan from German side Sprockhovel (no, me neither) for a small fee of 4 thousand Euros

‘I knew Mikail was right when he saw him during his 4 week trial. He knows he’s back up to Aktay and Caner, but with a bit of luck and hard work he could prove to be a decent little signing’ Jock said before continuing ‘He’ll give us an option from the bench at least, I’m confident in him’

Frank then said ‘With Ishak coming in he’ll provide cover at left back for Bayer, but he’s been around he knows he could force his way into your first team’

The cogs were turning in Jocks mind about what each of his players role would be in the upcoming season. He’d not yet settled on his own footballing philosophy, but the Red Bull teams are known for their high energy, aggressive closing down and constant pressure football.

A highly technical set up the likes of Salzburg and Leipzig use won’t be considered at Ankara, not yet anyway, so Jock goes to the tried, tested, hated, loved but universally accepted 4-4-2 for now

There’s no more pre season games to try this or that against local talents. It’s time for the rookie manager to put on his best matchday suit, or in the absence of such a thing his smartest looking fake Turkish Armani jacket and tracksuit bottoms.

The key players

As noted above, there’s already a handful of decent-ish players in the former Etimesgut FC, now Red Bull Ankara squad, which we can certainly use to build the team around. Coming in first is defensive midfielder Aykut Ceviker. He was signed before the takeover by Red Bull (in reality he was signed by the Etimesgut FC manager) and will be the captain for this season

Another of the better players at the club, who was also signed by the previous manager is Seckin Getbay, who luckily for me is another central midfielder and will partner Aykut in central midfield when he’s fit enough.

Following the arrival of the 2 central midfielders is center half Lokman Gor. He’s the best in the position at the club by a mile and will be a key player in the first season I’m sure

The title of best right full falls to Mirac Acer. As with the others, not the best player you’ll see, but for the league we’re in, and the position the club finds itself is, he’ll do the job

Up top the key forward is Fatih Aktay. Not a world beater, but for the Turkish third division he looks decent enough. He’s got target man written all over him, and that’s exactly how he’s going to be used, with a poacher playing off of him, I’m hopeful of a few goal this season from him

The club wouldn’t be a Red Bull club without at least 1 hot prospect, and we have a solitary hot prospect in the form of central midfielder Batuhan Gunaldi. Won’t be starting many games but will be finding minutes off the bench and when rotation happens. One to keep an eye on I think

A decent core of players to build the team around. Whilst the long term aim is to develop youth players enough to either sell for a profit or win things with, the aim for Ankara this season is to be competitive in the league.

We’ll see how this season plays out and where we end up.

== == == == ==

Cross posted at The Journeyman Jock

The Red Bull way chapter 2 – A new day in Ankara

‘They were adamant, ADAMANT I tell ya, that I wanted the New York job, not Ankara’ Jock yelled in his strong accent at his friend who was sat next to him in the spacious room they found themselves in ‘I merely stated New York was an aim of mine. Journalists, they’re all a bunch of…’ the other man cut him off

‘Calm it doon son’ he said in his equally as strong Scottish accent ‘You know what the press are like, you’ve done well to get here just remember that. I’m sure a lot of experienced football people were turned down for this job’

After a short delay and a slightly awkward silence, Jocks friend said, trying to lighten the mood ‘Well when ya make it to the top, remember your pals won’t ya’

‘Aye don’t you worry kidda. The Red Bull board I’ve spoke to are all decent fellas and have said they’ll be supporting me as much as possible, and once they’ve sorted out all the scouting and youth set up and I’ve got my feet under the table I can maybe get you in on my staff’

‘Sounds like a plan that. Hey you reckon they’ll let you loan in players from Leipzig like Werner and that Haidara they’ve got’

‘I wish mate. They’ll not wanna come here, not yet anyway. I’ve been told the aim this season is to be secure in the top half, shouldn’t be too hard like there’s some decent players here already. Then they’re wanting progression up the leagues which is fair. They want to use Ankara to get young players from other teams coming here for first team experience when we’re out of this league. It’s all looking like a canny set up so far’ He waited a moment before telling his friend ‘In the couple of sessions we’ve had there’s a couple of decent players here already, signed before the takeover. I’m confident’

== == == == ==

Despite having no qualifications, no meaningful or relevant ones anyway, to aid his quest in the glory filled world of football management, Jock McGhee had found himself as a manager at a football club in Turkey. He was looking around, in that stupid open mouthed way people do when in museums, at some plaques on the wall of the football museum in the country’s capital. It wasn’t long before he was motioned forward towards the offices to the right of the main foyer though.

Outside the door to the office was the obligatory scantly dressed young female that looks like she’d be impregnated if you looked at her flirtatiously, and she did that stupid giggle thing those receptionist types do and titled her head to the side and smiled, not for the first time either.

She disappeared and then reappeared in a flash with a tray with 3 glasses of some liquid, champagne maybe? She passed him 1, tastes like warm piss was the thought in Jocks mind, but he downed it along with the other 2. As he does the 2 portly men leave the room and are making their way over to where Jock is sat. One of the men asks something in a language he hasn’t heard, maybe an Asian language? The girl just nods Jocks way. He smiled back in the most awkward way possible, the tallest of the 2 men held his glare. Jock stood up and held his eye in a way that said ‘try me fatso’. They eventually shook hands and went into the room.

After going through the motions and plenty of ‘hello’s, thank you’s, I’m glad to be here’s’ and the occasional ‘oh yes I’m sure we will’ Jock had decided to accept that these 2 men have done something no one else would, or had the stones to do. And that was give him a job, an opportunity at a football club. It’s not quite Milan, Paris, Madrid or even Motherwell, but it’ll do, for now.

He wasn’t sat in a club soaked in history in Italy, France or Spain. Instead he found himself in the Ankara Museum of Football. He wasn’t sat admiring the accolades and busts of such legendary names as Maldini, Shevchenko, Ronaldinho, Ibrahimović, Raul and Zidane. Not yet anyway. He’d found himself walking the halls admiring the accolades of legendary Turkish names in football such as Hakan Şükür, Rüştü, Tugay Kerimoğlu, Emre Belözoğlu & Arda Turan. In the absence of any busts like those found in the museums in Milan, Paris & Madrid he’s still admiring the bust of the receptionist, who’s smiling his way again.

The Scotsman has come to the museum to discuss his debut season as Red Bull Ankara manager, and how he’s going to mastermind the clubs ongoing and required success. The Red Bull philosophy of attack first might be group wide, but the former Etimesgut FC were your bang average mid table team, never good enough to go up but too good to go down. The idea being using the buzz and momentum from the Red Bull takeover to progress the club, whilst improving facilities and the youth players from around the network as a whole.

== == == == ==

As is the Red Bull way in real life, the club hired a director of football. I left the hiring of the DOF to the board, and they came up with, somewhat ironically Austrian DOF Frank Blohm

As a first DOF he’s not too bad, and with staff now being able to improve in FM24 he may be with me a while. He’s also been trusted with hiring my backroom staff, at least for this first season. He brings in Luxembourger José Thill as my assistant and Portuguese Luís Ferreira as head of youth development

Not the best backroom staff you’ll see, but for this season they’ll be fine. Once we push on and get promoted I can look at improving the backroom team in the hopes of developing the young players that come through.

For the remainder of this season at least, Blohm has been designated to signing all backroom staff, bar any for the under 19’s and reserves side. This I will be doing once the first youth intake comes around, as we’ve no players in either the reserve or under 19’s sides yet. He will however be leading the scouting meetings although the chief scout, when he hires him, will be assigning scouts this season. Next season, depending on how this one goes, I will be seeing to the scouts and their assignments.

That is of course if I last long enough at Ankara to do so.

== == == == ==

Cross posted at The Journeyman Jock

[Reserved]

The Red Bull Way Ep 1 – The beginning

‘Who?’ is a question many people within the Red Bull Group had asked, as well as the fans of the former Etimesgut FC, a small club based in Ankara, Turkey. Nobody was expecting a big name to take over at a club sat in third division club right away, but some higher ups at both Red Bull and the current board in Ankara, not including Mesut Sahingoz the chairman at Etimesgut who had been kept on after the takeover, were expecting someone with at least a bit of experience. He’d never managed a professional team, the only experience coming in the form of a couple of youth clubs in Motherwell, before heading Down Under to sign a pay as you play deal with the Perth Glory reserves side.

No one really knows how he managed to pull it off, getting offered the top job at the newly rebranded Red Bull Ankara. Having taken a pay day loan with no intention of paying it back a couple of years ago, and buying a one way ticket to Perth, Australia, he’d also somehow gotten a trial at Perth Glory FC, and offered the aforementioned pay as you play deal, which not great in total money paid, it covered the essentials in the Australian city.

Just over 2 years and a handful of threatening emails from the debt collectors later, he’d made it into the first team at Perth Glory. Well, not technically the first team as such, he’d got given a start for the first team in a game against the Wellington Phoenix reserve side during pre season. An assist from left full back and an incredible 67 minutes of action, Jocks words, in the game up until the moment. The moment it all changed.

In the dying moments of the match, the Phoenix reserves had resorted to long ball tactics in the hopes of catching a break, and Jock most certainly caught a break that’s for sure.

As the ball came in high and diagonally across the penalty area, Jock jumped forward to head it clear with eyes only on the ball. He thought to himself ‘I’ve got this, get rid of it and we’ve won there can’t be long left’. As his eyes narrowed and the ball came closer it felt like a truck hit him in the back and not only knocked him sideways but it came tumbling down on top of him at the same time.

As Jock hit the rock solid surface he felt not only the wind and air rushing out of him, but an unbearable level of pain shot right through his full body. From the soles of his feet, up through both legs but almost mercifully not through the groin and manhood, but right through his core into the neck and through his eyeballs in the most forceful manner he’d ever known. He wasn’t sure if this was the Lord having mercy on him or having his wicked way. Either way he wouldn’t have wished that upon any man, friend or foe.

As he opened his eyes, he saw the goalkeeper leaning over, grinning that stupid bucked tooth smile and saying ‘Ya’ reet lad, come on get up’ but Jock couldn’t respond. He could see him there and knew in his mind he’d wanted to tell him that he was hurt but he just started waving his hands in Jocks face and shaking his prone body causing yet more pain and anguish into his already broken shell.

He’d woken up from the shock induced coma a little over 9 hours later, emergency surgery done to remove his spleen, realign 2 discs in his back and fuse 2 others together in an attempt to get him able to walk again. Fast forward 8 months and he’s back on his feet walking, albeit slowly and cautiously with a constant pain, but he’s walking.

Fast forward a few more weeks, and on this day, to the surprise of everyone there, he slowly walks up to the podium at the front of the conference room, where the first journo asks the question on everyone’s lips ‘Who exactly is Jock McGhee?’

In a confident manner usually reserved for experienced managers, he said with authority in his strong Scottish accent ‘I am the first Red Bull Ankara manager’ and took a few more questions from the media gathered at the press conference.

== == == == ==

We all know that the Red Bull company has been investing in football for a number of years now, starting off in Austria with Red Bull Salzburg (formerly SV Austria Salzburg), then New York, Leipzig, Bragantino and an ill fated spell in Ghana. Now in this FM universe, they’ve secured deals with 6 other teams. See below for the full in game list.

Each team wasn’t picked at random, each had something to give / gain from being affiliated with the other teams in the group. I tried to be realistic in the approach to the affiliated teams, I doubt Red Bull would go out and buy a club like Benfica, or Tottenham, Milan or even Newcastle and rebrand them, I think if they wanted any more clubs they’d go to the lower leagues like they have done with their other teams, New York being the exception to that rule.

This series is about following the Red Bull Group model, and to see if having multiple teams around the globe can benefit them all. I haven’t improved the new teams in the group to the same standard as Leipzig, Salzburg & New York, although I have slightly improved the youth facilities at the new teams. Nothing that will give me an edge, I only improved each rating by 2. Development of the facilities I hope will come naturally in game by the AI managers of the other Red Bull teams.

The challenge side of things, other than the usual things from a save like this I’ve set myself the following goals:

• Win the top league with a Red Bull team in their country, Salzburg not included as they already have won the Austrian Bundesliga, many times.
• Win a continents Champions League with a Red Bull team
• If I make it enough to get a job at a Red Bull main club (New York, Leipzig, Salzburg) only sign players for the future. Not quite a ‘youth only’ approach, but definitely follow Red Bulls strategy from real life in game
• When either I establish 1 of the new Red Bulls team enough to build youngsters or takeover an already established Red Bull team (Salzburg, New York or Leipzig or if 1 the teams has done so in game) follow the youth policy by buying young players and developing them
• Only make big transfers if it would make sense in real life. There’s no point me spending 100 million on a 30 year old forward despite how good he is, as Leipzig wouldn’t do this in real life. The most Leipzig have ever spent is 39 million on 23 year old Loïs Openda this year, who has a lot of upside and would probably leave in a couple of years for at least double that price, and having become an even better player than he is now (he’s absolute mustard in FM24 btw)
• Use scouting seriously. Attribute masking is on, so using the clubs scouts is going to be needed anyway, but as per the Red Bull real life strategy I will sign players based on suggestions from the scouting staff
• Sell a youth prospect for a big profit. This can be a a player that has come through a youth intake, or a youth prospect scouted and signed before he turns 20. Couple of examples below:
  • Salzburg bought Haaland for 8 million and sold him for 12. They also bought Szoboszlai for 500k, and sold him to Leipzig for 36 million. Leipzig then doubled their money on him by selling him onto Liverpool for 70 million. Leipzig also bought Josko Gvardiol from Dinamo Zagreb for 36 million, and later selling him onto Manchester City for 90 million.
• Other challenge type things from a save like this, have a player come through the youth ranks and appear at a World Cup, top scorer in the league / Champions League, that kind of thing will be added as the save progresses

Starting out at Red Bull Ankara, I don’t have to only be at a Red Bull team in game. The way the game plays out is going to dictate the narrative side of the series. Also I’m not tied into only applying for jobs at any of the Red Bull teams. Again the way things happen naturally in game is going to affect the narrative side of the blog.

== == == == ==

The full Red Bull Group list of teams is as follows:

• Red Bull Salzburg formerly SV Austria Salzburg (Austria) acquired 2005
• New York Red Bulls, formerly New York Metrostars (USA) acquired 2006
• Red Bull Brasil / Bragantino (Brazil) acquired 2007. Red Bull Brasil is Bragantino’s feeder / reserve team
• RasenBallsport Leipzig FC founded 2009 (Germany) and is Red Bulls leader club
• Red Bull Shanghai formerly Shanghai Jiading Huilong Football Club (China) acquired 2023 in game
• Red Bull Morelos formerly Alteños de Tepatitlán (Mexico) acquired 2023 in game
• Red Bull Kongsvinger formerly Kongsvinger FC (Norway) acquired 2023 in game
• Red Bull Ankara formerly Etimesgut FC (Turkey) acquired 2023 in game.
• Red Bull Melo formerly Cerro Largo FC (Uruguay) acquired 2023 in game

== == == == ==

Cross posted at The Journeyman Jock