I manage a football team

Harking back to years gone by, I've decided to start a game unemployed. Harking even further back, I've been offered a job in South Africa, which is just too good an opportunity to start.



The team is expected to finish mid-table in the shit hole that is the National First Division. This is very familiar territory for me, the strategy is to secure, at some point, a deadly goalscorer and brute force our way into the Premier League. We're a long way from that goal at the moment, Here's a look at our best player, apparently.



I'm going to do some scouting and see if I can bring in some out of work mercenaries to give me something to work with. Moving on up.

I was going to do an upload showing a few of the choice players I've brought in. Then this happened:



We won our first match in the league, so that's cool... I guess.

Ouch.

Gahahahaha

Good luck.

I've made a fucking ton of signings, a lot of them on shitty one year deals to test the water and see what it tastes like. I think the total is about sixteen or seventeen players, I can't be arsed to count.



Since there's so many I'm just going to list a handful who will probably turn out to be relevant to our cause.



No relation to Charlize. He was my first signing, and as you can see he is also my most successful so far. He's a solid goalscorer and thank fuck for Stars of Africa being an amateur side because it meant I got him for nothing. Couple his ability with his age and you have a pretty hot signing.



Good player, great name. He was brought in to give us a little juice in the middle. It remains to be seen if this pans out.



Theron's strike partner and all round good guy to know. He provides the knockdowns and once scored a hattrick for us. I know, I was there.



Tony the Tiger is a hero back in his homeland of Swaziland. I've yet to see him tear it up here in the big city, but I have high hopes.



DIM is a great defender. He has good attributes and is young. He's on a short contract so I worry he might not want to re-sign, but for the moment we have a strong leader at the back.



Decent left defender. Not much more to say.

There are a few others, like our first choice goalkeeper who is injured, a lot of those names will be gone next winter (see we're in the southern hemisphere so... yeah, you get it now), but there's enough there in the squad to at least make a case for itself as not completely worthless. Brandon Theron in particular excites me, but there are others who could prove to be just as valuable.

As for how we're doing in the league, it's been a mixed bag.



Some wins, some losses, nothing much else to say. We can look really good sometimes, but defensively we're not excellent. It's still our first year so I'm learning who is actually a decent side and who is a waste of time.



I think we can maybe sit near the playoff area for the remainder of the season, hell we might even be able to sneak in there. But it's also just as true that this side could collapse into the dust. Anything less than mid-table will probably result in me getting fired so we need to maintain our level of mediocrity at the very least.

End of the season. Here's the league table.



Doesn't look terrible, right? Wrong. We lost our last seven games in a row. We could have had a chance at the playoffs if we hadn't been so inept.



I've got a few signings lined up to hopefully give us a little boost next season. This was a good demonstration of how terrible this side can be. Can't wait...

good first season dude! good luck with the next!

Slick move by the board ,means we can get some decent players who are out of favour at Kaizer Chiefs.

Loved managing in S.A. Did it in Pentagon career's in FM's 12 & 13. It's a tough league to build a good side in but when you do you'll be a force!

I only signed three players during the transfer window, mainly because the only people we could afford, i.e. free, are mostly different shades of shit. That isn't a racist term, I mean they're horrible at football and should have their legs removed. Here are the ones who do a good job of pretending they're not shit.







I don't expect much from these morons, but at least they can plug the round holes with their square shaped bodies and I can hope for the best.



Ten games into the seaosn and we're doing pretty poorly. It doesn't help that in the three months we've been going Brandon Theron has been injured four times so I'm having to rely on some guy called Feliz Belie and that old fuck I bought last year called Ndela who my coaches keep telling me is past it. I'm looking forward to the rest of the season, I'l probably be sacked soon.

And with the latest injury, which will leave Theron out for four weeks, that's now the sixth time this season he has become injured. Brilliant.

Not too bad for a bunch of retards. If we keep this up we might actually get promoted, which would be really, really funny.

Erm, okay. So I won the league, which doesn't make much sense. I'd be more excited, if I didn't think we're going to get relegated straight away. We played super well, especially in the second half of the season where we won seven games in a row. I'm just a little shocked because we didn't start the season amazingly strong.

That really made me laugh

I hope you get relegated though.

Our first win in the top flight, and it only took seven games. At this rate we're going to avoid relegation.

Two wins in a row? It must be my birthday.

I actually do think we will survive, we've won a few games now and up front we're pretty mobile. However at the back it's pretty dire.

Come on Fanny, sort it out.

Season ends, we finish ninth. Really, really suprised. Saying that we did make some good signings at the start of the season, which I neglected to update here because I'm lazy. But it was a pair of wingers, two strikers, a new centre back and a Bolivian goalkeeper. I managed to do a huge clearout of players at the start and it actually brought us under budget, albeit briefly.

My concern for next season is how to build on this. We earn fuck all money so I'm going to have to rely, once again, on the trickle down of rejects from other clubs. That's no way to build a secure side. But with that said it's pleasing to see us take to the PSL so quickly and get some major scalps in our first season.

I make a lot of signings and I'm quite lazy so I'm not going to update with every single transfer I've made, I figure it's better to just show you my starting XI and one or two other players who are pertinent to our efforts.

This is the preferred starting XI:





Signed after some random agent suggested him to me. He's nothing super special, but was better than the goalkeeper I had and is the starting goalkeeper for the Bolivian national team. Well done him.



I've been tracking him since he was 16 at Kaizer Chiefs. He popped back into my radar at the start of this season when I realised he had been let go. His signing allowed me to move Dany Isoso Mbo into the centre of defence, where he belongs.



Has been with the club since he first started playing football and the only remaining player from our NFD days. Reliable and two time player of the season.



Best defender by a country mile. I locked him into a long contract years ago because finding a player of his calibre at the level we were playing is rare. He still kicks it old school and can bang with the best of them. I wish he had better influence because I want him to be captain.



Reliable left back and some time left winger. He's also been with the club since I first started, one of my first signings. My coaches say he is past his peak now so I am actively looking for a replacement, but he has been ever present for us and ever reliable.



Another free signing this season from Kaizer Chiefs. He's got a good amount of upside but so far this season he hasn't set the world alight, but he's young enough to get better and for the moment he suits our needs well.



A special player at this level, he's got all the right attributes for the role I need him to play and he performs that role well. He may be sold on at some point, but right now he takes care of business.



Recent free transfer from the Cincinnati Kings. He's on the bench right now, but will be getting more and more playing time as the season goes on, with a view to starting regularly next season.



The unsung hero of the team. Had some killer attributes and is the cliched rock at the heart of the team. Still got a few years ahead of him, but will be sorely missed when he starts to decline in ability.



Tasty wing motherfucker and club captain. He's having a pretty decent season giving us goals and assists. Not much else needed really.



Old? Yes. Good? Fucking yes. He's leading the scoring with 11 goals in 17 games and he's also our leading assister with 8. I almost let him go on a free at the start of the season but I realised I wouldn't find a deep lying forward as good as him so kept him on. Turned out to be a smart move.



Just signed this guy on a free after he was let go from Seongnam in Korea. He's played four games for us and scored seven goals. I have an erection.

16th January, 2016



A pretty similar season to last year. We've never really got into a stride and against some teams our defending can be woeful. Too often we're caught in possession and no amount of fiddling with time wasting will change that fact. I need a few more skilled players to allow us to play a better passing game and try to dominate teams more. As much as I love our defenders I probably need to be objective and look for better ones when the season closes.

The one real shining light this season is our goal scoring:



Despite sitting far down in tenth we've scored more goals than any other team. That says to me we have the foundations of a good side. This might be affected once Nathan Paulse retires, his heading has been instrumental in our ascent as an attacking side, but for the moment the pain of watching us concede shit goals is offset by some truly expansive football being played at the other end.

Great signings here amigo.

Hopefully you can top last seasons performance in the league.

It seems to be easier to sign foreigners to SA nowadays. I think it was on FM11 (and maybe in real life too) it was almost impossible. Maybe some guy from Swaziland now and then.

As you wrote that I just confirmed another one.



And boy does he look like he could be good.

Not a bad second seaosn, except for the small fact of, you know, losing our last six games straight. Or Scoring 53 goals yet conceding 59. Pretty embarrassing actually.

So the key for next season is defence. We need to defend better, to restrict teams, to make them work for goals. I don't like seeing us caught in possession all the times, it's amateur stuff. I need to make the team stronger.

Goal for next season: top half finish. We've regressed as a team this unit, next season we have to improve.

2016/2017 Season

Transfers





Some cute defensive cover. Ben van Heerden will be playing more games at left back this season as I try to wean us over Rodigue Ebongue, but just in case there are any problems this guy will step in.



Again, just more cover. He's got a good upside but I don't see him playing much. Still, he looms like he can perform a role at the club so I figure it's worth having him than not.



My only major signing this window. Hands down an absolute steal. With Samuel Okapo demanding a move (successfully sold for £40k to Black Leopards) it was necessary to sign someone in the centre to make up for the loss. With Sylla's signing we've gone much better and this could go a long way to making us a better team in the long term. A watershed moment for the growth of the club.

At 19, Sylla has the potential to be an absolute BEAST!

Doing better than last year, but that has been aided by a run of four games won in a row and a draw. That was brought to an end in game 15 where we lost 5-1 to Platinum Stars. Still, it's good to see us making a bit of progress. I was offered to change my season expectations, but I left them at consolidate in case things go wrong. Still, looking okay for the rest of the season.

I hope to tuck this comes through, god knows I need a bigger budget.