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#313525 Saving Aston Villa!
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Man City beating Real Madrid to win the Champions League at Old Trafford... if that really happened they'd probably talk about it until the end of time.
#313524 Newcastle Thread
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Apparently we only really have 3 fit defenders for tomorrow, and one of them is Steven Taylor, who hasn't played since August.

Just what we need for a must-win.
#313523 What's the last thing you bought thread
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A ticket to The Last Shadow Puppets at Alexandra Palace on July 15th.
#313160 2015/16 Barclays Premier League Thread
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If we don't win on Saturday then I can see us going down.

Not good.
#313135 2015/16 Barclays Premier League Thread
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£70million and still reliant on Dummett for crossing. Or more accurately to fall over while crossing.

Oh boy.
#313117 2015/16 Barclays Premier League Thread
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they're 10 points above Newcastle

I was being sarcastic.
#312966 Transfer Rumours 2015/16
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Jackson Martinez is moving to China for 45 million Euros.

Where the fuck's all this money coming from?
#312964 2015/16 Barclays Premier League Thread
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Blimey - Martial's goal was good but Vardy's first strike was sensational.
Always lovely to see the wheels fall off an Alan Pardew bandwagon as well.

Haven't won since about 1934

Well, we warned Palace that he goes on good runs and shit runs, and they didn't listen.

Maybe they'll get relegated.
#312683 The Lower League Thread
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So the deal of Rhodes to Boro was off on Sunday, but has now happened.

Nice and straight-forward.
#312653 Transfer Rumours 2015/16
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We got linked earlier with re-signing Jose Enrique, to which my response was "Why?"

Though apparently we wouldn't offer him a long-term contract so he's back to playing FIFA and Mario Kart on £60k a week wages at LFC. Hard life but someone has to do it.
#312444 Transfer Rumours 2015/16
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I really hope this largesse doesn't bit us on the arse. Especially if we go down having spent £100m+

If only we'd spent stupid money in summer 2012, then we might be UCL regulars. Oh well. Let bygones be bygones and whatnot. Although equally as ridiculous/stupid are West Brom for turning down 2 bids north of £20m for Berahino.
#312288 Transfer Rumours 2015/16
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Sky reporting Seydou Doumbia is on Tyneside for a medical ahead of a season-long loan from Roma. Hopefully we'll be getting CSKA Doumbia, not Roma Doumbia.

Meanwhile, French sources claim we offered Gouffran to Marseille as well as Thauvin, and they weren't very keen on such a proposition. But then why would they be?
#312206 Transfer Rumours 2015/16
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Coloccini, the lack of a left-back any good, and Janmaat's poor positioning are as much a fault of that. But Williamson there would have made our already woeful defence non-existant.
#311932 2015/16 Barclays Premier League Thread
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Actually you know what's worse than 'enganche' etc. -'Distribution' - when did passing or kicking become 'distribution'. And why do some people rate it so highly? - how many goals does a keeper contribute towards by having accurate kicking?

To be fair I'm pretty sure Krul gives away 3/4 goals a season as a result of shit kicking.
#311927 Transfer Rumours 2015/16
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Siqueira and Doumbia on loan til the end of the season apparently.

Over to you mcclaren.

If it comes off, Doumbia could be a great signing.
#311743 Transfer Rumours 2015/16
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Some good news for Newcastle fans:


I'm more amazed someone is willing to pay for him.

Also a bit rare for Ashley that the alleged £200,000 is the most we're getting for a player in either of the two 2015-16 windows.
I reckon we'd have more points if Williamson played every game aside Colo than Mbemba.

If his form from last season was any indication, I reckon we'd have less.
#311282 Transfer Rumours 2015/16
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Carr has wanted Thauvin since he was about 6 years old though

He's wanted to buy the entire Ligue 1 tbf.
#311274 Transfer Rumours 2015/16
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I'd be alright with Remy, provided we sign the one who scored a load in 2013 rather than the sulky tool from 2014. But agreed a striker is needed.

Townsend is a weird one - I think Matty Phillips (who is about £5-6m cheaper) would have been better, but he would be an improvement on Sissoko and Thauvin at least. In terms of Thauvin, I dunno - he was in the Worst Team of the Year from some French publications, who then found it hilarious we spunked £13m+Cabella on him. Cabella was a CAM we wasted out wide and then carried on his poor form when moved to his allegedly favoured position.

Ironically, I was wondering earlier if we're over-spending, given that (if Townsend goes through) we will have somehow spent £83million to end up in 18th.
#310743 2015/16 Barclays Premier League Thread
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But as usual the English media are already declaring him shit just because they've never heard of him.

Might have been wishful thinking in my case given Swansea were the likeliest looking to swap with us.

Norwich might be a better bet, particularly if they carry on defending like they did yesterday.
#310727 2015/16 Barclays Premier League Thread
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Maybe it really is Leicester's title to lose.
#310702 2015/16 Barclays Premier League Thread
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I bet Everton play like they can be arsed against us in 10 days the fuckers.
Enganche is just an Argentinean style attacking midfielder - Riquelme is normally used as the example.

OK yeah fair enough, very few are backing McClaren - but I just find these nuggets too delusional;

"To be honest I find SM saying what he has to and playing proper passing football - very brave considering."

Absolute delusion from the people who are still blaming Riviere/Obertan/Gouffran/Williamson etc. for these defeats. Playing with 'dross' should make the good players stand out more - and our supposed superstars, Mitrovic, Wijnaldum, Sissoko, Shelvey and Perez by and large have been collectively poor this season.

I see. And not a form of cake as I for some reason thought... maybe food is playing too much of a role in my thought process. Again.

Well, we wouldn't be 18th if everyone was only playing well in select games (Norwich, Liverpool, Spurs, West Ham - that's it). There is a major consistency problem but at least the likes of Perez, Wijnaldum and all the rest have scored to keep us remotely in contention - if we were still playing a team reliant on the likes of Williamson, Riviere, Gouffran and all the rest like we were in the 9 defeats in 10 sequence from last season, we'd be down with Villa by now. Its just different shades of shit. Not sure why Shelvey is lumped in given he has only played two games, plus he had a good debut and got the assist yesterday.

I thought McClaren was a bad appointment when he was made, and he's been even worse than feared. They won't fire him now though, even if a better manager - or at least less shot by a shit year of results like he has - walked up to St. James' Park and begged for the role.
#310674 2015/16 Barclays Premier League Thread
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Could use Everton winning this, so naturally they have one of their days when they can't defend. Which judging by most of this season is all of them. Bastards.

Also agreed John Stones is massively overrated.
#310643 2015/16 Barclays Premier League Thread
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I think we were 4 at the back for the first 20 and looked fine. I thought Lascelles looked a donkey at first, but he's been fine most of the time. Palace and Man City the damage was already done.

I'm outragred by the accusations Wijnaldum doesn't play in away games. He also doesn't play in most home games as well. I guess he was played out of position again today! Why won't McClaren play him as an enganche rather than a trequarista? He's been McClarened!!! No wonder Gouffran looked miles better than him.

Emphasis on Lascelles at left-back, although pretty sure at CPFC the idea - if there was one - when he came on was to go to a 3 at the back, and then Bolasie scored within 2 minutes of the re-start. I know at MCFC he had to play LB after Mbabu limped off, and De Bruyne continued having a field day, but then probably would've helped.

As much as we disagree on Wijnaldum - agreed he's annoyingly anonymous in a lot of games, but when he can be arsed he looks our only real goal threat - what the fuck does englanche even mean? Saying that, Gouffran is still shit. Also, did we bring Marveaux yesterday just to show he's still alive or is there literally no one else left?

Also, who's praising McClaren? My Twitter timeline was full of people questioning him for getting a squad with the players in it into a relegation battle, and there's a growing number of people who want him to fuck off. He's also still saying bollocks that fails to correspond with reality in his press conferences.
#310508 2015/16 Barclays Premier League Thread
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McClaren switched tactics because he wanted to - Not because of the injury to Dummett imo. He played five at the back last month against Watford.

And Watford's second goal will look bad at MOTD but they had us under the kosh for a good 10 minutes the goal was coming. Janmaat, Colo, Mbemba and Lascelles had reasonable games today.

I'm guessing that as Southampton recently used 3 at the back tactics when they beat Watford and that we were the better side in the FA Cup tie, even with gifting them the win, it was used. But the stats indicate we were poor and so to do the anecdotes. Its an oddity as the teamsheet Tweet before kick-off had 4-4-1-1, then essentially a 3-5-1-1, before ending by the sounds of it in a 4-2-1-3, and being poor in all of them. Regardless, our away form is concerning - lowest away scorers in the league is not a badge of pride.

Lascelles I guess was easy to make me a little uneasy as he was poor at left-back against Man City and was last given a larger role in the humilation by Palace, but I've seen a few saying he was one of the only few that tried. I still think as we only had 4 match-fit defenders (although I'm guessing Steven Taylor will be around for Everton).

Special top marks surely for Gouffran, Perez and Riviere inexplicably sending easy headers off target.
Surprised no one mentioned Klopp running down the touchline

I saw that one of his players broke his glasses during the melee. If it was a defender then penalty enough should be having to buy him his new pair.
#310474 2015/16 Barclays Premier League Thread
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Steve McClaren's tactics are actually baffling. When Newcastle lost five in a row he kept it the same. When Newcastle win he changes it.

Seemed to start with a back four, plays well, then swaps to a back five with two deep midfielders. So basically playing with a defensive 7 - one of which is a winger. Bizarre. And Saivet playing as a total anchor so Shelvey had no way to maneuver.

Yeah there's something lacking coherence tactically with his decision making, and its very odd that an injury to Paul Dummett of all people means we have to go for a destabilising personnel and tactical shift. The system used v West Ham seemed to work better, and surely even with Lascelles or Mbemba out of position at LB, it shouldn't have lead to an immediate double whammy of changes that sapped of the good qualities of that afternoon.

Seems to be a forward thing to - apparently Janmaat and Shelvey were seen complainiing the forwards didn't do enough moving.

NUFC have been in the bottom six since the opening month, and only 5 wins in 23 for McClaren... most clubs in this position would've pulled the trigger by now.
#310466 2015/16 Barclays Premier League Thread
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Should have just bought both?

Mitrovic offers a lot but isn't a goalscorer and if he's going to be upfront by himself then what on earth do we expect?

I swear Mitrovic has missed easy chances in all our games since Christmas. So as much as he works hard, he's clearly not the answer. Maybe we need to go out and find somebody who will be, as well as finally buying a capable left-back.
#310461 2015/16 Barclays Premier League Thread
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We're going to regret buying Mitrovic instead of Austin forever aren't we?
#310436 2015/16 Barclays Premier League Thread
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Aye were also desperate for a chairman, manager, scout and medical team too.

But apart from all that...
#310434 2015/16 Barclays Premier League Thread
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Swapsies? Fellaini for a full-back.

Even Dummett will do.

Dummett and Haiadara are both injured - we're using Lascelles (CB) at full-back. Or Mbemba. Or 3 at the back with Gouffran in an LWB role. No idea either which way tbh.
#310426 2015/16 Barclays Premier League Thread
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We're not going to survive with our defence. Can't watch as streaming sites don't like me, but both goals sound embarrassingly bad.