Going down an ever dimming path into darkness (Back to the journey, man Ep:5)

‘You’ll be fine (I was lying) playing behind the striker, being out your comfort can be a good thing (another lie), plus you’ve scored a couple already haven’t you pal (the only truth so far)’ I said to Cedric M’Barga as I had to shuffle the team due to injuries to our 2 main strikers. ‘Plus you’ve got the young lad, the fossil kid to play off in the next game’

‘Fauzi’ Hamizar, my assistant corrected me

‘Yeah cool, I’m still picking up the native tongue, am sure he won’t mind me getting his name slightly wrong seeing as he’s impressed me immensely in training to be given his first start’

Another lie. I was only playing the young lad because I had no other options. Whilst he’s as tall as the other strikers in the team he doesn’t really do much else, but I can’t not let him start. I’m no tactical genius (yet) so playing a strikerless formation this early in my career would be career suicide, if coming to Malaysia and getting relegated right away isn’t.

I could sense morale was low despite winning 3 comfortably and drawing the fourth game during my first couple of weeks here, the mood dampened by the loss of our 2 main, best and starting forwards.

Not content on merely surviving by playing well and picking up points, my team had gotten themselves not 1 but 2 more injuries to key players in the training session before the next game, an away tie at Universiti Teknologi MARA, or UTM for short. Some of the team names out here are incredible.

It wasn’t 2 twisted ankles this time, oh no. Yoganathan had torn the ligaments in his knee, ending his season, his goal against Sabah the highlight. I was impressed with him since taking over, him and Johan in the middle seemed decent enough in the 3 games we dominated.

Joining him on the inactive list is full back Puvanarajah, another name I’m struggling to pronounce, pulling his groin out. He assures me it was in training and not at home doing things he shouldn’t be, I take him for his word. Luckily we’ve an abundance of mediocre full backs in the ranks, so we’ll be just as poor down our left hand side as we were with him in the team.

A bit of a reshuffle for the trip to UTM, and the reason this club were bottom of the league when I took over was apparent right from the first whistle. 5-1 flattered us really. Of those 21 shots on our goal, 14(!) were on target. 14 fucking shots on target! This game could’ve ended 14-1 and no one could argue.

Luckily mercy shone down on us as they decided to stop scoring for the final 20 minutes. The silver lining here would be that we didn’t suffer any more season ending injuries, just a nice big dent to morale, goal difference and overall happiness instead.

The M’Barga up top experiment clearly didn’t work, and I don’t feel comfortable sticking Fossil up top on his own, so we stick to 2 up top again against PKNS FC, I’m not going to attempt their actual name, not that it matters, as we were outclassed, outplayed and we were outscored by our more illustrious opponents, again. The match started off in the worst possible way after they scored in under a minute. I’d just sat down as they scored and was straight back up screaming at the players. Their heads dropped 60 seconds into a 90 minute I knew it would be bad.

In a familiar feeling to our last match, I’ve got nothing much to say to my players at half time other than it’s only 2-0 at the half so we’re still in the game, we just need to grab the first goal and then it’s game on. They score within 2 minutes of the restart so that’s the comeback well and truly off. I make a couple of subs but it’s all for naught. 5-0 at home is embarrassing.

That most recent result dropped us back into the relegation places, 3 points off safety with 2 games to play

Safety from relegation is pulling itself further and further away with every minute that passes, so we’ve no time to waste really. We need to win at least 1 of the final 2 games, hope Kuantan (at home to Negeri Sembilan) and Sime Darby (at home to Melaka) both lose their next game. It’s possible, improbable, but definitely possible.

The next 14 days we’re in training for 10 of them. I’m not gonna have anyone saying we didn’t try everything we could to survive the drop. Bright Dike might just make the team for the next game against Kuala Lumpur, with Yong also resuming light training in a couple of days. Depending on how they are on the day we might risk it, we might not.

== == == == ==

Cross posted at The Journeyman Jock

Just read this all the way through, really good effort mate keep it up

Fortune favours the brave (Back to the journey, man Ep:4)

The first player I signed as a manager, Bright Dike (still can’t get over how great that name is ) wasn’t even signed by me. The previous manager had put the feelers out but was sacked by the time Pahang had got back to him, not that I’m bothered, I can now play 2 up top with us having a decent, if not world beating big man to aim for and Yong to play off. He played for Toronto & Portland in the MLS before heading to Russia with Amkar Perm. He left them after 1 season to join Pahang where they played him a total of zero times before joining Jock McGhee and the DRB revolution.

We didn’t spend much time basking in the glory of victory, I need the players all on board and level headed to make sure that the Negeri result isn’t a fluke and definitely not a one off. I want to tell the players that every game is a big game, we’re still 3 points off safety but plenty of time to get things turned around.

I gathered the team around the day Bright was officially signed and told them all how I expect things to go now. ‘With another target to aim for we should easily get some shots on goal, as long as we stay strong in defence and don’t do anything stupid, I’m looking at you Shathiya (I gave him the deathstare as I said that) and we’ll be fine I’m sure of it’

Bright wasn’t fit enough to start the next game away at Sabah so he was on the bench to start. We stuck with the same line up that got me my first win last time out and things were looking good for the most part. We had a few chances nothing that troubled the Sabah keeper though, but we didn’t make any silly errors in the first half and got to half time at 0-0.

This is when we changed things up. Kamal dropped into central midfield alongside Johan and Dike was brought on to partner Yong up top, and within 90 seconds the change paid off. Jamaluddin on the right (M’Barga wasn’t fully fit to start either) got the ball over to the left as Kamal and Salahuddin combined to get the ball into the box where Dike was waiting. A touch on his right to steady himself, then he unleashed the ball with his left into the net. 1-0 only 90 seconds after coming on he scored!

Clearly the team were happy at their new found target man as literally 2 more minutes later Dike doubled the score. Another great run by Jamaluddin on our right was finished with a cross at the byline, Dike came rushing in toward the ball at the near post and glanced a header that went in before the keeper realised what was going on. 2-0 and we’re cruising

2-0 is a tricky scoreline I tell myself, especially with a defence as frail as ours and with 40 minutes to go the next goal would be key, if there was one, which of course there is. Luckily it’s one for us.

Not content on just getting 2 debut goals Dike completed his hat trick a mere 6 minutes after coming on to the pitch. 6 minutes of the second half gone, he’s touched the ball 5 times and got 3 goals. This third goal was a half volley just inside the area. A ball over the top was missed by the defender, Dike let it bounce and hit it as sweet as you like to give us a 3 goal lead. Surely game over?

Sabah were deflated but didn’t give in. They woke up after that third goal and tested our resolve for around 10 minutes, but we held firm. Yoganathan then sealed the victory with a nice finish inside the area to completely deflate Sabah, and we rode out the final 20 minutes of the game

‘I’m sure you’re going to be the reason we stay up this season’ I tell Bright as we speak after the match. He replied by telling me he just wants to play, and I confirm his place in the team is guaranteed.

I wasn’t sure coming to Malaysia was the right thing, or taking on a bottom of the league team that’s won 2 out of 15 was the right thing, but after these opening 2 games I was convinced coming here was the best thing for me to do. We’ve got Johor Darul’s B team up next.

Johor are Malaysia’s top team and their B side play in the second division with us, so I was expecting a tough game seeing as how Johor’s young players and first team players that need games could be in the side. However we’re on a roll and absolutely dominated the game from start to finish.

Kim Jin-Yong & Bright Dike up front tore Johor to shreds. Dike knocking down for Yong in the 7th minute to open the scoring, then as is our game plan, from the kick off press the opposition back as far as possible, Yong did this, won the ball on the edge of the box and played in Dike to stroke home to make it 2-0.

Dike added 2 more, with 1 assist from Yong to get his second hat trick in as many games, then teed up Yong for his second early in the second half to give us a 5-1 victory.

This result took us out of the bottom 2 places in the league and morale was high heading back to the training ground. We worked on the same things in training that had served us well in these last 3 games, no point changing a winning formula.

Malaysian Armed Forces Football Association, or ATM for short, were next up for us at home, and this is where things took a turn for the worse.

The game kicked off before I’d sat in the dugout but by the time I got sat down I was waved over by Hamizar Hamzah, the clubs assistant manager who was looking flustered

‘What is it speak up man?’ I asked him

‘Kim, he’s down, he’s rolled on ankle he can’t play on’

‘Stop trying to be funny, the games just kicked off’

‘Me no funny, look’ and I looked on the pitch and there was Kim Jin-Yong laid down just outside the center circle holding his foot

‘Fuck sake, get him off, go back to 1 up top’ I told him as the stretcher was taken on the pitch. I leant over to Kim and told him it’ll be fine as he was brought passed the dugout, and told him don’t worry about it. M’Barga came on for Yong and went in the AMC position behind Dike up front.

We did take the lead in the 39th minute though, Salahuddin found space inside the area and placed the ball into the far corner. We got to half time winning 1-0 but all the players wanted to know about Yong

‘It’s just a twisted ankle, he’s walking around on it at the minute, he’ll be fine’ I lied. I’d not even spoken to him since he went off the pitch on the stretcher over 40 minutes ago. Whether the players believed me or not I don’t know, but we went out for the second half and conceded the equaliser 7 minutes in. I tried to rally the players and get them pressing higher up the pitch, which they did but it would be to our downfall.

A short goal kick was taken and Dike went to close down the defence, as he did I saw him crumple to the floor holding his foot. I wasn’t sure what had happened but got dejavu as he had only gone and twisted his ankle, the same thing that force Kim off in the first half.

Seeing both of our goal scorers going off the pitch deflated the team I could tell. We hung on for dear life in the second half and came away with a credible 1-1 draw, just.

The same injury, to 2 players in the same position in the same game, what are the odds! With Yong I was tempted to let him use painkilling injections, but as Dike isn’t our player he had to be seen to by the physio. We’ve got 4 games to go now, 12 points available and we’re only out of the drop zone on goals scored, those big scoring games coming to our rescue.

Not mission impossible, but without our inform striker and the clubs leading scorer, it’s definitely mission difficult.

== == == == ==

Cross posted at The Journeyman Jock

Start as you mean to go on (Back to the journey, man Ep:3)

As I saw the lads lining up I wondered why our right back was wearing the number 9 shirt, so I asked him.

‘For my kids’ was his reply. ‘I don’t get it’ was my reply. ‘I have 9 kids to feed’ Oh, right. That was the end of that conversation.

I decide to go with the ol’ ‘there’s no pressure on you today’ team talk speech in the hopes of inspiring something from the team, god knows we need to start picking up points yesterday! I get a semi decent reaction out of the players, a couple of murmurs and the 2 center halves I pick, I think they’re defenders, they’re the tallest of the bunch, are speaking with each other in a foreign language, Malay I guess. Probably complimenting me on a team talk well done.

The whistle goes to start the first game of my managerial career. I’ve not bothered sitting in the dugout, the bench is rusting away on the front legs and the one nearest the pitch looks to be on it’s last legs, pun intended. As soon as I stopped looking at what was left of the dugout bench my eyes were drawn to our right winger Jamaludin, I think that’s how it’s pronounced, and he’s whipped in a cross from deep which is headed away from goal by the Negeri defence, but into the onrushing Yong who just side foots the ball into the bottom corner of the goal!

From then the players look to add another, but Negeri are slowly getting into the game. We don’t look that shaky at the back and have an answer for everything thrown at us. A couple of half chances for both sides sees us to half time, although we’re not unscathed. Yong has pulled up a couple of times holding his groin, he has done some excellent work chasing down the ball from the front, and behind him Kamal says his ankle is giving him issues. Both tell me during half time they’re happy to stay on the pitch for the second half.

It didn’t take long before the teams defensive frailties were made apparent. A nothing ball from the Negeri midfield was played in which we took control of, but instead of getting rid of it Shathiya in defence decided to take what seemed like 100 touches before going back to Baharin in net who’s clearance went straight to an opposing winger, he then drilled it back across the box for Lee Tuck to tuck in, pun intended, to the net. 1 all and it was all our own doing

I quickly make a sub during the stoppage in play, bringing on M’Barga to play out wide on the right. He immediately makes an impact as he’s pushing the Negeri defence backwards, freeing up Yong in the middle to find space. Nothing comes off the cross but he’s lively enough and Negeri don’t cause us many more problems.

I’m surprised to see them sitting deep with less than 10 minutes to go. We’ve got the worse defence in the division and have been woeful up until my arrival, but Negeri seem happy with a point, I do not however.

M’Barga gets the ball on our right hand side and he drives down the wing taking 2 defenders with him. He plays a neat 1-2 with Yusoff (more from him in a moment) in the middle, as he receives the ball back he’s on the inside left channel cutting into the box now. I’m praying he doesn’t try hitting it, he’s got no left foot at all, but he surprises me and the Negeri defence as he dribbles past the center half and then the onrushing keeper has no chance as M’Barga slices the ball with his right taking it around the keepers left and clips the post as it just slowly rolls over the line

Once the players had calmed down after going ahead in a game for the first time this season, the game resumed and Yusoff who had a crucial role in that goal rushed from center midfield and forced Negeri to play it back to their defence.

Much like the goal we conceded where the defence should’ve just cleared it, the Negeri center half tried to be too clever and take it round Yusoff, but he won the ball on the edge of the box, took another touch to steady himself and placed it around the keeper to give us a 3-1 lead. Surely the worst defence in the league can see this last 5 minutes through?

Negeri knew the result was all but confirmed and didn’t really pressure us in the last 5 minutes, instead more concerned with keeping the score at 3-1 by holding on to the ball for much of the final 5. Stoppage time was a paltry 1 minute which flew by, and the full time whistle went, much to our delight

The dressing room was all smiles after the result. I told the boys how well they did and that if we play like that for the rest of the season, survival will only be a matter of time. We’ve just beaten the league leaders and favourties for promotion, and this is with the same team that had only won 2 so far. With the addition of Dike coming in and being fit for the next game, I’m sure we’ll survive the drop.

== == == == ==

Cross posted at The Journeyman Jock

Am a bit late to the party on this one mate, not been active online for a while. You've had a good number of great saves on here over the years. Definitely following!

You had me at Newcastle fan. Also a Magpie and my foreign team is AS Roma. Good work so far.

Can I request kits for my Al-Dhaid side:

Badge:

Home kit - Same as Ajax but in purple with gold stripe in the middle

Away kit, exactly the same but with gold outline and purple strip in the middle

Kit manufacturer - Nike or Adidas, doesn't mater

Sponsor: Fly Emirates

Thank you!

Every journey has a new beginning (Back to the journey, man Ep:2)

As soon as the interview ended I made my way to the training area where my newly inherited team were waiting for me, their new inspirational leader. I wasn’t prepared to start that quick so had no plans or had anything made up.

As I walked on the pitch the team were huddled around waiting for me to get them started. We’re playing league leaders Negeri Sembilan in 2 days time, out of the frying pan or however that saying goes.

My assistant manager introduces himself as Hamizar Hamzah, and I think he’s the assistant anyway, he’s the only one speaking English to me, tells me the club had agreed a loan deal with Pahang (another team I’ve never heard of) for striker Bright Dike (great name) but as I look around we’ve only got 1 playing that looks to be playing striker, and I did tell the chairman I’m gonna need help identifying players, so having an extra body in is bound to help us

The players train and the coaching staff see to them really as I just stand and observe. I pick out the best players in the squad, forward Kim Jin-Yong and midfielder Nasrullah Johan. Not world beaters by any stretch but for the division and position we’re in, definitely the best of a bad bunch.

I’m not entirely sure what I expected. The team are bottom of the league, but we’re 6 points away from safety with 8 games to go. Is it going to be that tough an ask to save us from relegation? We’ll need a few other results to go our way as well as picking up points ourselves as well. But as I tell the players there’s no pressure, well not on me I’m in a decent position. If we stay up I’m the reason why, a tactical genius if you will. If we go down, well the damage was already done and it’s not on my shoulders. Selfish I know, but I’m just starting out as a manager and I’m only looking out for myself.

DRB don’t have much in the way of training facilities, not that I expect many of the teams in the prestigious Malaysian second division do, but they do have some highlights from their games this season. It doesn’t make for good viewing. The man I replaced was hell bent on playing 3-5-2, so Hamizar Hamzah tells me, meaning the first official order of business I tell the team ‘Fuck that, we’re going the Dundee United special, 4-4-2. Any questions?’. No one replied so I assumed they were all on board with me.

Hamizar tells me we’ve only the 1 natural striker in the team, so playing 2 up top is out of the question for now. I bemoan my bad luck and watch as there’s an okay looking lad called Mohd Kamal who seems to play in the AMC position. When I say okay, I mean he’s quick and has made 5 out of 14 passes to Yong, the only striker we have.

The other decent looking player, well decent for the league we’re in, central midfielder Johan is one of the top players at the club, so we’ll be looking to him for some inspiration, despite not doing much up until now.

As I leave the training ground to head back to the hotel I left nearly 14 hours ago, I get a text from the chairman. Bright Dike has signed on a loan until the end of the season, with a fee of 30k to be paid upon surviving relegation. I actually forgot about this but it’s welcomed. The only issue is he’s not played this season so won’t be fit in time for the first game against Negeri Sembilan.

However, this bit of news tells me 3 things. 1, the chairman believes we can survive relegation so who am I to think otherwise. 2, there’s money to spend, or at least there was and 3, based off point number 1 the chairman is off his nut!

== == == == ==

Cross posted at The Journeyman Jock

Back to the journey, man.

I stood there, soaked wet through from the rain, half arsed clapping at the absolute shite I’d just seen. A 3-1 loss at home to Hamilton Academical. Hamilton, Aca-fucking-demical!. To be fair the season was already done by then and we’d been relegated. And to make matters worse, we went and lost to the dog nonces from the other side of the road. That’s the other team in Dundee in case you were wondering.

Despite a piss poor loss we went out after the game for a few slackners, sorry pints, another of my old mans sayings. After being merry for a few hours we’d got back home and watched Match of the Day to see the highlights of the game. I don’t know why we did that, we just always did.

After watching the highlights and the pundits reviews I thought at that point if given the chance I’d easily be able to manage a team. I mean, how hard can it be? Pick 11 lads out of the squad, tell them we’re going 4-4-2, long balls up to the big unit to knock down to the not as big unit to score. Rinse and repeat. Dundee United all over that!

But where to start my career in management? I’m from Dundee, great place, shite football teams, and support United so managing them would be nice, but I wouldn’t want to make things any worse, we’ve just relegated to the pissing Championship, I’d only take us further down at the minute and the sister shaggers would love that. Again, another reference to Dundee FC. There’s bound to be more as we go.

Who else in Scotland would want me, Saint Mirren? Cowdenbeath? Partick Thistle? All shit teams that could be just as bad without me in charge. Teams in Northern Ireland? Nah, that’s not for me. Wales? Sheep, so no. The other Ireland? Leprechauns and it’s green, which is Celtic, so no. England? Not yet, or even ever. I used to see a lass from Newcastle, long brown hair, lovely eyes and a nice pair of, well that’s a story for another time.

I’m young, determined, handsome and a nobody in football. What’s the best way for someone to like me to get into management? I don’t really know how it happened, it was like there was a list of teams that need managers, and lo and behold I’m declaring my interest for the top job at DRB-Hicom FC in Malaysia. No, me neither.

This lot are perfect I thought to myself. They’re in a nothing league which means no pressure, nobody knows me so I can just go about things as normal as a painkiller addict can go about things. Oh but they’re bottom of the league with 2 wins from 15. I didn’t actually tell them I’m not in Malaysia, but I’m quickly invited to an interview, and took out a payday loan I’ve no intention of paying back, and off I went.

Shaari Shazali (try saying that after a few gages!) had told me I was the only person that had applied for the job. I thought it’s gonna sting even more when he tells me I’ve not got it then. That didn’t put me off and I genuinely thought DRB were perfect. It’s a small team so no delusion fans to deal with. They’re not expected to win much so no pressure on my shoulders. The chairman also seems desperate enough to speak to a no name and no experience manager.

I tell him that the best players can often be found in the middle of nowhere as can managers. When he asked for an example I told him Maurice Malpas is Dundee United & Scotland’s best ever player and he was playing in the Farore Islands reserve division before Dundee snapped him up. I was hoping he wouldn’t check that up however. I followed this up by telling him I’m happy to look to strengthen the team using free transfers and loans if need be, but would need the clubs help identifying players. He just nods and makes notes on his pad.

Not enjoying the awkward silence I told him I’m the man, the only man that’s got the stones to take his team on and keep them from relegation. He looks up and says should relegation happen then he couldn’t keep the manager on no matter who it is. Something about the lower leagues not being playable. I’m not sure what he meant by that, it’s not like he’s playing a computer game is it.

He shakes my hand and we part ways at the door. I walk about 15 yards away before he calls my name and asks me where I’m going. I told him I’m going to get pissed in the bar at the hotel I’m staying at.

‘Not any more you’re not. Training starts at 10. You better get down to the changing rooms and introduce yourself’

== == == == == ==

Cross posted at The Journeyman Jock

It sure is. Thanks man.

I'm actually doing my own Red Bull challenge but with a number of other clubs added to the affiliated clubs. Definitely following this.

Really enjoying this mate keep it up. Love seeing obscure nations getting recognised on the forums

Can i get kits for a created Red Bull team, Red Bull Dubai

Home - White with red trim, same style as Salzburg kit below:

Away - As above, but red with white trim

Third - any stlye as long as it's blue

Badge:

Kit manufacturer - Adidas

Sponsor - Red Bull

Thanks in advance!

Thanks mate appreciate it, but can the text be the same as the New York style?

 

Can I request logos for 2 new Red Bull type teams please. 

Same style badge as Red Bull Brasil / Salzburg / New York, but where it says Brasil, Salzburg etc can I have one each with Shamal & Yagoua in please

Awesome mate thank you!

Sorry to ask again but could you do the same for Red Bull Ghana please?

Awesome mate thank you!!

Got these mate:

Melo:

Parana

Shanghai

Pulawy:

Thanks in advance!

Doing a Red Bull save where I've added a bunch of teams to the Red Bull umbrella / brand, so need kits and badges if possible?

I'd like Red Bull badges for new teams in Shanghai, Melo, Puławy & Paraná in the style of New York Red Bulls 

Can the kits be SS style please

Kit Maker: Adidas

Sponsor: Red Bull

Badge: See notes above

Home - White with red trim, same style as this Leipzig home kit:

Away - Same style as home kit but with colours reversed, so red kit with white trim if possible.

Third - Can it be same as this New York kit:

Thanks in advance!
 

Anyone able to help me out with this at all? In this style of Red Bull badge please, not the Leipzig style.

Thanks.

Can I request logos for 4 new Red Bull type teams please. 

Same style badge as Red Bull Brasil / Salzburg / Leipzig, but where it says Brasil, Salzburg can I have one each with Oleiros, Melo, Puławy and Paraná in please

Carry on wayward son, the journey’s finally begun

Could you call it picturesque where I started out? Possibly. It’s the capital city of Uruguay and probably it’s best and most welcoming. But the sight seeing and what not had to wait, I have a job on my hands. Well a couple of jobs:

• Save the team from relegation
• Improve the morale around the club
• Develop the clubs youth players
• Not get sacked

One of those I’ve added to the list myself, not sure if you can guess which one? Either way this clubs in a mess. Expected to finish bottom of the league and relegated and with money troubles that would worry most established coaches, but not me. I’m here to make the most of it, and if we go down then sugar we’re going down swinging. I just hope they don’t listen to Fallout Boy here. Not that I do, honest.

I’m nervous. Not because of the fact I’m about to take charge of a football team, an actual football team not a kids team like I volunteered at back home in Motherwell, but because of the copious amount of prescription painkillers I’ve taken and booze I’ve supped prior to walking in the door of the changing that first morning. I was having kittens as the players all looked round at me waiting to hear from their new boss for the first time.

As I walked in to the room the first thing I noticed was how many players there are. The chairman had said one thing I will need to do is trim the squad and with it the wage bill, but that was for another day. Today was about asserting my dominance.

‘Right, I’m Jock your new manager, but you can call me The Boss. Anyways you don’t know me and I do not know you, but one thing is for sure, you’re not gonna stuff my first shot at management. Between us we’ll stay up in the league this season and really push on as a team. Any questions?’ I was still having the figurative kittens as I stood there in front of the players, none of which I’ve ever heard of explaining my grand plan.

Silence. My worst enemy. Well worst after stairs. Walking stairs with my back is absolute agony. But I’d have happily killed all of those kittens I was having one by one if it would’ve helped my nerves in that first meeting with the squad. But what state is this team or the club in that they’d happily hire a manager with a crippling painkiller addiction and with less experience than a level 1 Rattata? If you get that reference you’re probably of a similar age to me and I love you for that. If not ask your parents. I’m going off track here, let me dial it back slightly.

We eventually have a training session and it’s clear who the stand outs in this squad are. Captain and center half Andres Fernandez and forward Julian Lalinde are who I notice first

I think I’ll be able to rely upon Fernandez to do a job at the back despite the previous manager only having him as a back up, which makes me wonder why he’s the captain.

But Lalinde looks like the type of target man / back to goal forward that needs someone running off of him, which is where Miguel Puglia will step in

I’ve been brought up watching absolutely dire Scottish football so I know 4-4-2 inside out, which is what we’ll be playing, at least early on. I don’t want to try and get too technical or use too many instructions, this lot are expected to be relegation fodder for a reason so we’ll be keeping things simple for the time being.

One thing that stood out to me was the lack of a solid right full back. I tell the clubs director of football and he lets me know that he’s already filled that void, that was apparently picked up by the previous manager. Indian national team regular Nabi was signed on a free.

Whilst the fans aren’t too happy about this deal apparently, I am. He might not be solid at every position but he is comfortable playing almost everywhere on the pitch which I am sure will help as we get our first season together underway.

The players don’t look as bad as the media prediction make out, at least in my mind. But I’m not sure what’s worse, me having them to rely on or them having me to lead them.

== == == == ==

Cross posted at The Journeyman Jock

Perfect thank you

At some point in December 2016 I found myself having a Skype call with Raul Aquino who is the chairman of Montevideo Torque, and it started out like a fan looking for information on the team but quickly turned into an informal job interview.

We had a good chat and spoke of a lot of things. I told him I’m young, determined, handsome and have a lot of playing experience to fall back on. He told me most coaches in Uruguay won’t go near his team due to the failed deal with The City Group, so he decided that he’s got to look for a foreign coach. He didn’t elaborate but hinted at some bribes and shady deals going on that cost him the City Group deal.

He probably thought an out of work painkiller addicted Scotsman would be the last person to contact the club, yet there we were. I got the feeling he was desperate for a manager to come in and stabilise the team as morale in the locker room and fan base was low. Oh, and he said the club don’t even own their own stadium any more and now ground share with Bella Vista FC, as they had spent all the clubs money battling rising court costs due to the deal falling through.

We discussed my own career aspirations and where I wanted it to go. I didn’t have much of answer as I’d not actually thought about it, save for winning the league, cup and Champions League with Motherwell, but that was good enough for him I think. I thought on the fly and said if given the chance at his club I’d do my best to stableise the locker room, and maybe get them into the top division before moving on but not before making sure the club is in a better position than it was when I took over.

‘This is no mission impossible Jock, but certainly mission very difficult’ he said in broken English as we wrapped things up and said our goodbyes. In my mind Torque are perfect really. A place to start where no one I know will be able to hound me or chase unpaid debts or give me a hard time, a small enough club that the fan base isn’t toxic and won’t make things hard for the team and they’re in a bad place so anything I do would possibly be seen as overachieving.

I go back to my daily grind of overdoing it with prescription painkillers, more on that as we go, maybe. But I don’t hear anything from Raul for a week and actually forgot about the interview. But being unemployed get’s real boring real quick just watching the days click by. There’s no other jobs that would either take me or I’m interested in. East Kilbride? No thanks. My pal Ginners plays for them so they’re a no, plus the only team in my country I ever want to be in charge of or work at is Motherwell. Moyola Park in Northern Ireland? Haha you’re having a laugh. Perlis in Malaysia would laugh in my face at the minute. I also see Crystal Palace, Everton and Nottingham Forest are on the look out as well, but none of them would have the stones to take me on at the minute.

But then my phone beeped with a Gmail notification. I see the subject line – contracto de embargo which I quickly translate to attachment contract. He must have just uploaded the contract as an attachment without changing the subject. I open the mail and read it with delight:

Jock, I want you to be my new manager. I’ve arranged flights from Glasgow to Montevideo. We’ll discuss things when you arrive.

Yours, Raul.

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Cross posted at https://thejourneymanjock.com/the-beginning/

I stood there, arms aloft scanning the crowd looking for her, but she must’ve been camouflaged in orange and black along with the rest of them. I turned to my left towards the John Hunter stand and all I could see was more arms and smiling faces, but not hers.

Someone jumped on my back and excitedly screamed ‘We’ve fucking done it boyo we’ve fucking done it’ and all I could do was smile back, I just wanted to find her and share this moment with her and only her, fuck the others.

Eventually I found her, she was in the Tommy Maclean stand right in the far corner not amongst the orange but she was mired in green and white, green and fucking white! Her arms were round some snot gobblers body as she was kissing him. I felt the steam coming out of my ears as I raced toward the stand screaming and arms flailing aimlessly.

As I approached the stand that was housing the Celtic fans, the security guards waltzed toward me their own arms raised telling me something about it’s not worth it, you’ve already won don’t set them off, but one of the fucktards was playing tonsil tennis with my girl so fuck the 3 points now I’m looking for blood.

I made my way up the steps in the stand hitting Celtic fans with left hooks and right hooks, bodyslams and uppercuts and I even gave an old lady a Stone Cold Stunner for good measure. As I finally made it to the far corner where she was sat my rage intensified. Not only was she necking on with someone else but that someone else was only James McFadden, my fucking hero of all people!

I screamed at her wanting an explanation that wasn’t forthcoming. She let go of James who smiled awkwardly at me and I was tempted to ask for an autograph but thought better of it. She steadied herself and turned around and I got the shock of my life. It wasn’t my beloved secondary school sweethearts face but it was Nicola Sturgeon that greeted me. She stuck her tongue out, reached in my direction expecting, what, I don’t know and I didn’t want to find out.

It was then I woke with a jolt, sweaty and breathing heavily. It was just a dream, luckily. I raced to the bathroom and emptied the full tube of toothpaste into my mouth. It might only have been a dream but Nicola Sturgeons gums were too close to mine for comfort.

Ever since calling it a day on the pitch due to injury I’d been having these weird dreams and all of them are football related somehow, this last one I was playing for my beloved Motherwell and we’d just smashed the green and white dog nonces in the league. I’m young, 28 to be exact, and I’d been having this itch to get back into football somehow despite only being out of it for a couple of months. I’ve been volunteering down the sports center in town and doing online courses for coaching but it’s not enough.

One night sometime in 2016 I had another dream, except this one was sort of reality based. I dreamt I’d gone to Uruguay to become a coach at Montevideo Torque, the team The City Group, who run Manchester City and other teams under their umbrella company had recently taken over. We won the league and I got offered a long term deal, it was then that I woke up, not with a jolt this time.

I decided I’d get in touch with Montevideo Torque just to see how they were getting on and if the Man City deal was paying dividends yet. I soon found out that the City Group deal fell through at the last minute. I also found out that Torque finished fourth in the second division in the shortened 2016 season, and as luck would have it they were looking for a manager.

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Cross posted at https://thejourneymanjock.com/

Please can I get kits for my new long term save at Montevideo Torque

Kit sponsor Addidas

Sponsor - Etihad Airways

Similar sort of style to this if possible:

Home Kit - Sky blue same as Man City but with the white trim

Away Kit - White with sky blue trim

3rd Kit - Red in any style

Thanks in advance.

Nigata Unicorn must've fallen on bad times they're usually the Celtic of Singapore in my saves. Interested to see how this goes for you

When I scrolled and saw Orlando Pirates I immediately thought of the ones in South Africa. However this will be a challenge like you've not faced yet. Good luck.

‘Lock up your wives and kids, we’re playing the tried, tested and boring 4-2-3-1’ I yelled at the players as they all looked on wide eyed albeit slightly taken back by my tone.

I didn’t want to play this formation really, everyone and their brother plays it, but as we’ve already seen the 3 best players at the club fit into this set up easy and under the guy I replaced they’ve been playing some atrocious 3-6-1 effort to no avail, going back to basics I think is the best thing to do

I also tell the lads to get revenge on Warriors (great team name by the way) since they beat us before I took over. It worked as most of the players responded positively, although that didn’t translate in the match at first.

Warriors were easily the better team early on. Despite our superior quality in midfield Warriors took the lead. Abraham out on their right hand side hit a first time time cross which found Karoglan he ran between our center halves for an easy goal

We equalised right from kick off however. A long ball from central midfield found Zerka in the box who played it into the area for Ahmad Latiff to get on the end of to level it up

We got in at the half at 1 each and I told the players to keep playing as they as we’d been the better team from the goal, but couldn’t find another way through.

We did get the breakthrough early in the second as captain and left winger Wilkinson got a goal which we definitely deserved.

Ahmad had broke the offside trap but his touch was bad and took him to the by-line. He recovered well though and crossed it in to the far post where Wilkinson was wide open and headed it in the net. 2-1 and we are in control.

The fightback from Warriors came as expected but we held on to the lead, although we weren’t under much pressure really. We pushed on for a third and get it on 66 minutes, Latiff doubling his tally on the day with Wilkinson turning provider this time

Getting the ball out wide on the right he had acres of space to run into, which he did and easily beating the covering defender. He cut inside on his right foot and played the ball into Latiff who was running inside the area. He hit it first time beyond the keeper to give us a 3-1 lead

Not content with just getting 2 on the day Latiff completed his hat trick with 20 minutes left to play. Ramdani in the middle found Zerka cutting in on the right, he played a first time pass into Latiff who struck it as sweet as you like around the keeper to give us a 4-1 lead

A couple of subs and a formation change succeeded the goal as I knew no matter how bad this time had played up until now, no way would we concede 3 in the last 20 minutes. Warriors seemed out of it and had a couple of half chances, but nothing to worry about.

We ended the game on the front foot and saw it out to give us a 4-1 win in the first leg of the Singapore cup quarter final and my first match as a manager.

Maybe it was just the new manager effect but we deserved the win. We’ll be sticking with the 4-2-3-1 at least until the end of this season. We’ve got a handful of league games and the Singapore League cup to go as well as the second leg of the quarter final against Warriors, although I was sure they wouldn’t over turn the 3 goal deficit they need.

To which I was right. We took the lead in the second leg through a fantastic free kick, played well and got a second goal with 20 minutes to go, to put us into the semi final 6-1 on aggregate

We’re drawn against Yangon United of Myanmar in the semi

Not sure what to make of the draw. On the one hand we should have enough about us to get the win, although on the other Yangon beat Hougang United who beat us before I took over, although we did beat them in the reverse fixture. 

Hopefully the 2 wins in the cup form the basis for the rest of our season

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