bigmattb28 - Comments

There is always a positive to every bad situation, even if it isn't obvious yet

‘Jimmy, not being able to get it up after 5 days of taking pills, meth and whatever else we have done isn’t that big a deal’ she said to him

‘I know, I just wish it wasn’t your cock that wouldn’t get up’

‘You obviously don’t care about me being a trans woman and enjoy the rough fucking you give me and I give you, you’ve been to see me 10 times now’

’13. Not that I’m keeping count’

He gazed into her eyes as she tipped another bag of powder on to the table, racked it into even length lines and told him to go first. He did as she asked, and it only took 2 minutes, 3 at most before he got the hardest erection he’d ever had

‘Jesus fucking Christ Amber what the fuck is in that gear?!?’

‘I’m not sure exactly, it smells like rat poison though’ before Jimmy could speak she continued ‘A Chinese fella from the corner told me it would give me more stamina when I was complaining about the number of clients I was getting’

The look in Jimmy’s eye told her all she needed to know, as he ripped off his trousers, spun her around and mounted her. He gave her the hardest pounding he’d ever given any woman in his life, she swore he’d broke a bone or another body part.

Just at the point of climax, Jimmy grabbed her hair but as he did the door to the flat was burst open, with 4 armed police officers barging through shouting ‘GET ON THE GROUND’. As Amber shrieked and got up, 2 officers pounced on Jimmy, and as they did one get his face filled with the full load of Jimmy’s semen.

Jimmy was put in handcuffs and he was read the allegations. ‘You are arrested on suspicion of drug trafficking, money laundering and human trafficking. Anything you say..’ Jimmy cut him ‘HUMAN TRAFFICKING?!? The drugs and money yeah, but humans? Nah man I’ve from Edinburgh not fucking Glasgow!

One of the officers told another to write down what Jimmy had said. He was lead into the back of the paddy wagon, boxers shorts round his ankles and his now flaccid penis fully on show.

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They left him in his cell for what seemed like days. He felt as rough as a badgers arse but that was down to the powder he sniffed that gave him his monster erection. Eventually he was summoned to an interview room where he was greeted by the older man that had accompanied him on the journey so far

‘I’ve got them to drop the human trafficking charge, Jonesy has confirmed he was brought here of his own accord’

‘I didn’t realise he was here with us?’

‘He was in the suitcase. Enough of that for now. They’re happy to not put you in prison, trust me, prison in Thailand is no joke. But they want a deal’

‘A deal? For what? I’ve not done anything!’

‘Actually, that powder you were sniffing was the ashes of the recently deceased Thailand Prime Minister’

‘No shit?’

‘No. He died of a Viagra overdose’

‘That figures’

‘The authority are willing to listen to a plea’

‘But I…’

He cut him off ‘It doesn’t matter. You’ve been framed’ he shook his head as he saw Jimmy about to speak ‘No, not like the TV show. You’ve been set up, you’re looking at 30 years minimum, the deal they’re offering is a 1 year contract at Samut Songkham’

Jimmy considered this for a minute ‘So to get me out of prison I’ve just got to be a manager at another football club? Sign me the fuck up!’

‘There is one other small itsy-bitsy caveat I’ve got to inform you of’

‘Well it can’t be any worse than prison can it?’

‘No, you’re right. At face value it doesn’t seem too bad’ he paused before continuing ‘The authorities want to appoint an agent to oversee your career for the next few years’

‘Few years?’

‘Yes, it says a number to be determined, at least between 2 and 15 years from date of acceptance’

’15 fucking years?!?’ Jimmy screamed, before taking a moment to think then said ‘Will it be a case of them telling me when and where I go, or actually managing on my behalf?’

‘I’m not sure, I have to get them to confirm exactly, but time isn’t on our side here, they want an answer by the end of the day, otherwise they’ll be putting you in jail here pending a court date, which if I know anything about Thai politics it could be a long time before your case even gets looked at by the part time pen pushers’

‘I’ve got no other choice have I’

‘No.’

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Cross posted at On The Break

I'm Jimmy Muir, and I am invincible

As the final whistle went, Jimmy was drinking his fourth bottle of water, a banging hangover and horrible come down dehydrates a man, but his new team had won the game 4-2. As he heard the whistle he spat water out of his mouth, doing his best Triple H impression at the same time screaming ‘I AM INVINCIBLE!

With the momentum from the unlikely first win under his leadership, Jimmy thought things would be plain sailing from then on out. They did mange a win over Air Force Central FC (great team name) and Bangkok FC in their first 11 games, but that was as good as it got.

5 losses and a couple of draws between those wins meant that come the final day of the season, a must win game against PTT, or Petroleum Authority of Thailand as it’s professionally known would be all that it came down to.

The chairman of the club made an effort to speak to Jimmy prior to the final game. He asked how Jimmy would be preparing for the final game in less than 24 hours time

‘As I always do, sniffing lines and banging 9’s. There’s a decent boozer down the road from here, loads of birds willing to do anything, and I mean ANYTHING’ he emphasised the word anything

‘Yes I know it, my sister and wife work there’

‘Who’s your sister?’

‘Jenny’

Jimmy lied ‘Oh, don’t know her’

‘She knows you, apparently’ the chairman replied. He emphasized the word apparently. ‘You must win this game Jeemee (He hadn’t got the hang of saying Jimmy) otherwise you dead man’
 

For Lampang to have any chance of survival, they had to win their game at home to PTT, and hope that Rayong lost to Trat and Kasetart lose at home to Samut. Lampang started the day off bottom of the league

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Things got off to the worst possible start as Rayong went ahead in their game after 3 minutes

News got to the players on the pitch and bench as nerves started kicking in. Long shots were the only efforts on goal and all were high, wide and not so handsome. 29 minutes in though and the first nail in the coffin came.

PTT scored a simple goal where their forward was wide open and tapped into the net. Lampang could be forgiven thinking that was it but the players responded and actually played some good football, and had some decent efforts. They got in at half time still trailing 1-0.

Bottles were thrown, words were said and tempers risen as Jimmy tried, and failed to motivate the players. 3 minutes after the kick off in the second half and the next nail in the coffin was put down.

A long Sam Allardyce-esque ball was sent from defence over everyone into the Lampang area where one of the PTT players scored. Jimmy wasn’t sure who, he kept saying they all look the same. To make things worse Kasetart had also taken the lead in their game, whilst Rayong were drawing their game at half time. Lampang needed 3 goals and both Rayong and Kasetart to concede a couple each to have any chance of staying up.

Rayong played their part, conceding 3 in succession and Kasetart were also trying to help Jimmy and Lampang by letting a goal in, but there was no turning back for Lampang now.

That second goal knocked out whatever wind was left in them and they figuratively pulled their pants down, bent over and let PTT go all the way and climaxed with a third goal to send Lampang down quicker than a lass from Glasgow on a Saturday night that’s just been offered a line of Molly and a lift home.

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Cross posted at On The Break with images

As the third plane of their journey touched down in Bangkok the first thing Jimmy noticed was the smell ‘Fuck me it’s pengs like come down sweat and helicopter fumes here man!’ the younger man also commented on the local smells ‘Reminds of Glasgow, the stench of teenage pregnancy, foreigners and leftover Chinese takeaways’ The older man just continued walking without comment
 

As they made their way from the plane they noticed a man holding a sign that said, in black writing that looked like a drunk octopus had written it ‘Jeemee Murr’ ‘Ah, assume that cabbie is for us’ the old man said.

Indeed it was, and once they were greeted in broken English by the man and clambered into the car, the taxi then sped off at what could be best described as going like shit off a stick.

‘I take you Lampang now’

‘What did he say? Jimmy asked

‘No idea, hopefully there’s a boozer there’ the younger man quipped ‘Hey driver, any banging birds where we’re going to?’

‘Oh res, rots and rots of girls, all shape and size, suck your pee pee through a straw for ten dollar’

They eventually made it to a street which looked like the drinking district of whatever town they were in. The old man went away and left Jimmy and the younger man to visit the establishments, of which there were plenty.

After a period of time, hours, days Jimmy didn’t know, he was woken up by the sound of the old man and another voice he didn’t recognise

‘Him?!’ The unfamiliar voice said sounding shocked

‘Yes’

Rolling his eyes the new man said ‘He’ll do’

The new man helped Jimmy to his feet. ‘You’ve got 1 objective and that is to stay in the league’

Jimmy, banging headache and possible concussion replied ‘Okay, where do I go?’

‘To the pitch. Your first game starts in 1 hour’

The man in question was the chairman of Thailand second division football team Lampang FC, who at that time were bottom of the league, with 2 wins from 22, and 9 points from safety. Jimmy doesn’t know how this has happened, but he’s gone from being a no hoper in the arse end of Edinburgh to a no hope club in the arse end of Asia.

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Cross posted with images at On The Break

We have to go back 5 years to reach the start of this story. Leicester had just won the English Premier League. Portugal, minus Ronaldo who went off injured in the first half have just won the Euro's. The Green and White wearing dog nonces had just won their 1 millionth SPL title and the sister shagging webbed toed reprobates from the blue side of Glasgow had finally dragged themselves back to relevance and to the SPL. Oh and the vermin from Hibs had just won the bloody cup.
 

If you haven’t guessed, our story begins in Scotland, specifically Edinburgh. In a small part of the city called Wester Hailes, a block of flats nestled neatly toward the far end of Hailes Quarry park, two  unassuming men are making their way toward the aforementioned flats.

They reached room 7 on the second floor and as the door flew open and banged into the wall, it caused a doorknob shaped hole where it hit. The noise didn’t wake him.

As the 2 men entered the room it was dark, no lights were on apart from the feint light of a phone charging on the cupboard in the corner. The men heard snoring coming from a room down the hallway.

He was laying on the bed, drool coming out of his mouth and 1 hand down his pants.

‘Wake up you twat, it’s time’ the younger man shouted whilst shaking him. He didn’t stir.

The older man turned on the lights, opened the curtains to let some more light in, but still he wouldn’t move

‘Fill that cup with water’ the older man asked

‘I’m not thirsty’

‘I’m not giving it to you, you dumb shit’

The younger man did as asked and brought the cup back over, filled with warm water. The older man poured it over the prone body on the bed who immediately jumped up screaming

‘Kin’ hell man what you do that for?!’

‘James, how many f**king times do you need telling to set an alarm?

James sat up, shook his head and looked down to the bulge in his pants, looked nervously at the 2 men in his room and said ‘I was having a belter dream, I was off me tits on pills and I was balls deep in Natalie Sawyer on the Sky Sports set whilst Georgie Thompson….’

The older cut him off ‘Shut up will ya’ and go get dressed’

The younger man, intrigued asked ‘What was Georgie Thompson doing?’

‘I dunno do I! You bastards woke me up!’

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A short time later they were at Edinburgh airport checking in when security asked ‘Anything to declare?’

‘Not to you I don’t’ the man replied

‘Any narcotics, weapons or aerosols on your person?’

‘Nope, sniffed all me gear before coming here didn’t I’

‘Sir, I will take a swab and detain you if you’re found to carrying narcotics, consumed or otherwise’

‘Piss off you jumped rent-a-cop I’m joking’

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The security guard eventually let them pass through after being satisfied there was no threat to human life from the men. Eventually the plane took off, and they were on the way

James Stanley Vincent Muir, also known as Jimmy, has a name familiar with people who like football, and I assume you do seeing as how you’re reading this. Jimmy Muir was the title character in the film When Saturday Comes, sh*t film by the way, if you want a good football related film, go and watch the Goal! series. Anyway Jimmy Muir from Edinburgh Scotland isn’t being scouted by Sheffield United, or any other English team for that matter.

Jimmy wasn’t a bad footballer as a child, but he wasn’t what you’d call good. 100% effort with roughly 40% talent, and that’s being kind. All he ever did was run run run. Couldn’t tackle, couldn’t pass, couldn’t dribble but by God he could run and never got tired. His mother was an addict and the story goes she was under the influence of ecstasy when she conceived Jimmy. The family generally accepted this as the reason why Jimmy as a child had 2 settings, asleep and causing fucking havoc! Nowadays he’d be given a label such as ADHD or bi-polar, but back then when we were kids he was just labelled as being a little shit. Not much has changed since he hit adulthood.

Never getting further than semi pro level as a player, he slowly transitioned into management, also known as shouting obscenities on the sideline whilst the other actual coaches did their job.

But one autumn morning in 2016 Jimmy’s life changed forever. After confiding in his two friends, or at least the only two people in Edinburgh that don’t dislike him enough to ignore him completely, the one of them he confided in being another down and outer from Wester Hailes, apparently had contacts in football and knew a guy that knew a guy, who happened to be having an affair with a club chairman’s wife

‘I can sense the hunger within you James’ the man who’s eyes were as wide as saucers and jaw was swinging from post code to post code said ‘You’re also full of conflict and I can help you achieve your dreams’

Putting the rolled up twenty-pound note and mirror on the table, Jimmy looked up and said ‘Aye, can ya really?’

‘Yes my son’

‘I aren’t your son you daft twat’

‘Share your desires with me, I can make them happen’

Picking up the mirror and note and hoovering up the powder on top he replied ‘How exactly?’

‘Put your trust in me, meet me tomorrow morning at 9 o clock, and your life will change forever’

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Which brings us back nicely to the airplane they’d just boarded. Jimmy had just put on the headphones provided and the film that was playing was The Hangover 2.

‘Where is we’re going to exactly old timer? Jimmy asked ‘I’ll give you a clue. That film you’re watching is quite relevant’

‘Hmm, Hangover eh. Must be going to a boozer!

‘Not quite, well not right away’

‘Okay, Vegas?’

‘No’

His hangover mixed with a come down was making him irritable. ‘Just tell me where we’re going’

‘A little place called Thailand’

Shit

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Glad to see you back bro. Insane challenge, but for me it seems a bit counter productive to win a league in level 10, and gaining promotion, just to go back to level 10 and win another local league. If it was me I'd just say win the cup in the level and promotion clears that level.

Certainly looking forward to seeing how to get on though!

Survival was a walk in the park mate haha The board know you'll get even more tempting offers if you do your course, but in real life it's the manager / coach that pays for it I wish we could do that in game and not rely on the club to do it.

Brilliant!!

Am hoping to get back to posting on the site myself, this is another good write up mate, am enjoying it!

I know the feeling mate!

Looking forward to seeing how it goes / is going mate. I've hardly played the game much recently too.

Not been on in a while so catching up now. Your saves are always good for a cracking read. Keep it up mate.

Generic birthday message

Just read through this again, not been online for a few days. As if you managed to not get relegated a third time, you need a medal for that!! Let's hop you can get Rio Ave to the dizzy heights of the top of the league this coming season

This is good, keep it up.

Oh……

Am sure you'll be fine bro

I was reading along thinking oh wow he's doing great, promotion is only a matter of when not if, so I was pleasantly surprised to see the move to Setubal mate, well done!

Is this on FM22? I didn't realise there were any created leagues out yet.

Good luck.

Unlucky with the relegation. Am sure you'll boss the league and go straight back up

I had a save in Portugal I put on here a while ago it's loads of fun, I bet the fourth division is fun too.

Looking forward to seeing how far you go on this one mate.

Ah yeah, this'll be good!! Good starting point mate. 

When I start my save properly on the 9th I will be having Australia loaded. Can Wellington Phoenix still not get into the Champs League?

Good showing, won the league comfortably in the end mate.

OMG wow! They're amazing mate thanks

The social media thing is so stupid, always 1 positive, 1 negative and 1 neutral. I don't bother looking there for the most part. 

Not one club was interested in Mbappe, so just going through the last 5 months of the season with him, I'm nowhere near as dominant in the league as you, only lost 2 but drawing so many games, am only 3 points in front of Monaco who gave me my other loss, the twats!

Oh that's cool, I've never been to an international football match. Plenty of league, cup and Champs League games but never a national team game

Long term save will be starting in Mexico for me 🙂

@kingrobbo  @JoseNEO  Thanks for your input guys appreciate it.

It was announced by the Mexican FA that no promotion or relegation for 5 years, it's to stabelise teams and stop them going out of business. The average points thing is what they used to relegate teams, so over a 3 season period whoever had the lowest average would go down.

Mexico is mad it's why I love playing there.

If anyone is around 2 seasons in on the beta, can you check Mexico and see if any teams have been promoted from the second division please?

There is a new rule in Mexico where no team can get promoted from the second division for 5 years and I'm wondering if this has been put into FM22. I'm not even through a full season on the beta yet.

Thnks.