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Chapter 7 - Steve Kean, we meet for the first time
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‘I’ve been looking forward to this laddie’

‘Steve Kean. You’re shorter than I expected….’

He cut me off, spat at my feet as I said that and continued on ‘Jock Galloway. Another of my countrymen coming over here trying to claim something that I built. Well you’re in for a shocker lad, just like the last one that couldn’t cut it, you won’t last here. Singapore is my league’

I tried to play things down trying to sound confident by saying ‘I’m not like the rest. Unlike you spitting your dummy out and coming here, I’m ahead of my time, I left so all the others can catch me up’

‘You’ve won nothing son, nothing…’ He yelled at me before it was me that cut him off this time

‘And neither did you until you came here you f**king dog nonce! Shake my hand and let’s get this over with!’

As would be a constant in my time at Hougang, we played a 4-4-1-1 with 2 defensive midfielders who were told one has to stay back at all times. Plazibat in the AMC role behind the striker, and Pablo leading the line. As it’s our first game together, I didn’t want to be too cautious, so we went all out attack, also known as throwing caution to the wind. In other games where we’re either away, or against better opposition (this 1 game against DPMM not included) I decided to tweak our approach. Nothing serious like we’ll just hoof it to the big man up top because he’s big and angry, oh no that’s some serious in depth tactical stuff. I mean things like the 2 defensive mids, they’ll get changed from support to defend, and the full backs maybe change to wing backs, based on the fact they should be under more pressure. Or something, I usually just asked Craig what he thought and went with that.

He gave my outstretched hand the kind of look you’d give someone that’s just pissed in your kettle and stormed off. The players were ready, I was ready, Steve, I assumed was ready, and the ref blew for kick off. My first game as Hougang manager, and I was hoping for a good performance against the champs.

As soon as the game kicked off DPMM were onto us. A short pass back to their defence, then a pass out wide to the fullback who released their winger, he took it all the way to the byline and whipped in a cross towards the penalty spot. As it was coming in their forward, Ramazotti, the previous seasons leading scorer with 18 came rushing in with eyes only on the ball, jumped up at the same time as our defender Walid Lounis who was out muscled for the first and only time in that match, whp watched as Ramazotti thundered a header towards goal from 6 maybe 7 yards out, keeper was stranded, stood still and watched as the ball smashed the crossbar and clipped over for a goal kick. 11 seconds into the game and already it’s clear which team are the defending champions.

Steve and his shit eating grin looked my way and he mouthed something to me. I wasn’t sure what it was but just like my first ever game as a manager, I told him to go f**k his mother. I was sure he heard me but he just waved me off, and our petty bickering aside the game went on.

We managed to get ourselves into the game not long after that early scare. Years of growing up in Motherwell watching the Steelmen has taught me 2 things. One is that I have seen a lot of boring, long ball football to know how to coach it inside and out, and two, when done right it can work to devastating effect, but only in 1 season of my life for Motherwell prior to becoming a manager, in '91 to be exact, a season I can't even remember anyway.

In the middle of the pitch we played it around nicely and found our wide men often enough. They struggled against the back line of DPMM but did find Pablo a few times. He played a one touch game with Plazibat and they manage to get a couple of shots off each, just to remind DPMM they’re still in the game. And that combo paid off half an hour in.

Jasni and Yusop combined down the right hand side to free Salleh up on the edge of the box. He took a touch to steady himself, saw Pablo pointing to where he wanted it and dinked the balled up and over the onrushing defender. As the ball went into the box, sort of in the inside left channel, Pablo jumped and twisted his body as he headed the ball back towards the penalty spot, where he knew exactly where Plazibat would be running into. Much like the Ramazotti chance at the start Plazibat only had eyes for the ball as he gave it a deft touch in the inside of his foot to guide the ball under the keeper to give us the lead on 33 minutes

Steve was going bats**t insane at the fourth official, something about offside probably, but like most of the people I came into contact with at my last club the fourth official just gave him the silent treatment. Seems people in Singapore were good at that as well.

We hung on until half time in the lead. As the players came into the dressing room we could all hear Steve shouting at his team. I let him do our team talk for us, as I didn’t say anything to my players as they were in the dressing room, some drinking energy drinks or water, Pablo was getting his usual leg massage, Plazibat was pacing the room and as the nosie died down I put my hand up and said to my team ‘He’s flustered, they’re frustrated and to be fair we’re actually in control of this game. Walid (the defender Ramazotti beat early on) you’ve impressed me since that early scare, keep the big man quiet and we’ll win this’ Walid nodded and the team went back to the pitch.

We didn’t put a foot wrong in the second half really. Steve tried to match our long ball anti football tactics with his own, but we kept them quiet. Their big man and main scoring option Ramazotti had an unusual off day which helped us. We did keep trying for a second to kill off the game but it never came. We had a great chance to make it 2-0 with literally the last kick of the game however, but Plazibat hit a penalty right at their keeper. They didn’t get a chance to go up the other end as the ref blew the whistle almost right after the save.

All in all a good days work for my first game in Singapore

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Cross posted at On the Break with in game images here.

Chapter 6 – On a stormy sea of moving emotion

‘What’s this about you going in for the Hougang job laddie?

‘The f**k you on about, Hougang, what’s that?’ I asked the voice on the phone

‘Don’t play dumb with me sunshine, I know you’re trying to steal my spotlight here’

‘Shut your mouth sh*t brick I don’t know…’ he cut me off right as I was about to verbally rip him a new one

‘Do ya’ speak to your mother with that mouth lad? You make me sick, just remember who’s won the league here twice in a row now, and we’re gonna make it three times, mark my words’ He hung up.

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‘I knew it was that fraud Steve Kean as soon as I answered the phone’

‘How so?’

‘I’d watched a thing on the telly about British footballers abroad, and they did a quick snippet on him, so I recognised his voice’

‘So that’s when you applied for the Hougang job then?’

‘No, I’d not heard anything about it up until that phone call. So I looked online and surprisingly my name was touted as a favourite, not only that but apparently I’d had an interview there as well’

‘Had you?’

‘No, not at that point I hadn’t. But it wasn’t long before they rang me and flew me over to Singapore. It  was a bit different to my interview with Rajprahca, this time we actually spoke about my experience but only in Thailand, luckily. I didn’t really have much experience to lean on at that time, and I basically blagged my way through the interview, saying things I thought the club wanted to hear’

‘Such as?’

‘Oh nothing major, only small things like we’ll definitely win the league, at least one cup and I’ll ensure the club turns a profit during my time here’

‘Hahah oh dear, sorry, I shouldn’t laugh, but if there was ever anyone that believes in themselves then it must’ve been you at that point, no?’

‘Oh god no. I was still a drug abusing full of s**t 30 year old at that time, younger than some of the players at both my clubs up until then. But Singapore probably made me the manager that I am now as I’m sure without my time there I wouldn’t have got the opportunities that I did, or meet the people that shaped my managerial career’

‘You mean people like Craig, Alexey, Rodrigo those kind of people?’

‘Definitely. Without Craig I wouldn’t have been confident a lot of times during my career, without Alexey helping with contracts and player issues I wouldn’t have lasted 5 minutes at a couple of clubs, and Rodders is just the most positive guy I’ve ever met, and without him I’d probably never have gone to Africa’

‘Okay we will touch on those guys and other places you’ve been as we go. So you were offered the Hougang job based on promising them the world. How were your first few days there?’

‘Good, really good. The squad there had a really good foundation and I was shocked at how they didn’t win anything before I got there, but I soon found out why. They had 2 forwards, Pablo Rodriguez and Stipe Plazibat. Both too good for the S League and would easily fit in a 2 forward formation. However the previous manager insisted on 1 up top, which is fine, but would only ever start Pablo, bring him off and Plazibat got 15 maybe 20 minutes a game at most. But from the minute I saw them I knew they’d be a big man / not as big man combo and it paid dividends’

‘The squad was also filled with central midfielders, a handful of decent wingers and defenders, so a 4-4-1-1 was definitely on the cards. I told the players we’re going out to win every game, the time of Hougang not being feared ends now, this is my team now and I will not accept anything less than 100 percent every game. To really stamp my authority on the club this was when I started to build my back room team. Alexey and Craig were the first to apply and I was impressed with them both I offered them the job even before they left the club that day’

‘Craig as your assistant, and Alexey as a director of football?’

‘Right. Craig had been much like me, a semi-pro player with nothing to write home about so had a chip on his shoulder to be a better coach. Alexey had also just finished his own playing career and retired that year after playing in Russia for Amkar Perm and Rubin Kazan, winning the league twice there. Getting him on board with me early on in my career was great because he had a lot of invaluable playing experience, something I didn’t have, which helped me out a lot’

‘It’s at Hougang where Alexey introduced me to 3 other people that helped me massively over the course of my career. As I said I was building my backroom team, not with the future in mind I really was just thinking of Hougang, but I also got Japanese coach Ren Kidera to join us, as well as 2 scouts, Sandro Penouco from 

Portugal and Jean Kingue from Cameroon, and all 3 helped us that season in Singapore’

‘I recall you telling me that your time in Singapore just flew by. Is that because it was easy there or because as time has gone on, you don’t remember much about it?’

‘Oh it wasn’t easy, despite how we did that season. It just kind of flew by because compared to other places I’ve been and worked, Singapore was just so laid back. There were no egos in the dressing room, the lifestyle was easy going, I never had any issues with fans or club staff or even players there, well not until a short while before I left, but I’ll come to that. No, it was just that every day was a good day really’

‘And your hatred for Steve Kean, how did that go in Singapore?’

‘Well Steve has been in and around my career right from landing in Singapore, and as luck, or fate would have it, Steve and his team at that time DPMM, who were defending champions were our first opponents’.

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Cross posted at On the Break with in game images here.

Chapter 5 - The beginning of the end, or the end of my beginning?

‘Now Jack, been climbing any beanstalks recently?’ I asked my best friend as he walked into the room with a couple of females, probably paid for and probably not cheap

‘The thing with ladyboys, Jock, is when you take them from behind and give them a reach around, it feels like you’ve gone all the way through’

I cringed when he said that, and as if by clockwork the lady on the left, the red haired one, giggled and hugged him in the most over the top way I’ve ever seen.

‘You can’t go around saying things like that, not when there’s, actually are these ladyboys?’ I asked, and instantly regretted it

‘Yep, they sure are Jock. Which one you after? I know you always liked red heads’ and he thrust the red headed one forward

I held up my hand and said  ‘No, no you’re wrong, I always say red hair is a red flag. You can keep her, or him’

‘Suit yourself’ and with that he left the small office I had at Rajpracha. An office, more like broom cupboard with a window, but it did it’s job.

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‘Did he always have these, erm, friends with him?’

‘What? Oh sorry, I forgot you were there. Yeah, sometimes, sometimes he’d turn up with a couple of men, drug dealer looking blokes I mean, not sexual partners’

‘Is he that way inclined?’

‘Is this getting published, or off the record?’

‘I aren’t risking my writing career over some drug abusing, ladyboy prostitute buying bi sexual reprobate from Glasgow, so yes this is most certainly off the record’

‘Hey fu*k face! I resent that! I’m from Motherwell not fu****g Glasgow!’

‘I didn’t mean you, I meant Jack!’

‘Oh, my mistake. Well I don’t know, I’ve never asked him. Where was I..’

‘You were telling me about that injury to a striker, Zalli, Zallo…?’

‘Ah yeah, Zalla, poor kid. So in my first season as a manager we got off to a cracking start really. 3 wins from 3, that first 1-0 at Ranong, a 4-1 home win over BU Deffo and a 3-1 away win over Surat in which Zalla scored 6 goals across those 3, and looked every bit a quality player, at least for that division’

‘He get injured in the game?’

‘Yeah, banged in his hat trick goal to give us the 3-1 cushion, then from the kick off sprinted out wide to close down their full back, and he pulled up, crumpled to the floor and floods of tears came pouring out of him’

‘ACL then?

‘Yeah. The club said he’d be out of action around 9 months. The season runs February to October, so even if he did make a miraculous recovery he wouldn’t play again that season. But I told him his place in the team was secure when he did return’

‘If you did as well?’

‘Right. From then we had no real outlet for any long balls as Zalla was quick, I mean Raheem Sterling quick. And it seemed to me that the injury affected the team, we went on a run of 9 games with only 1 win, but that was a 4-1 and definitely the anomaly. We struggled defensively, we created next to nout and looked scared in front of goal’

‘But you turned it around somewhat?’

‘Yeah. The clubs scouting team managed a couple of deals that really saved our season. They signed a young center half called Saengdaow and defensive midfielder Coulibaly, both of who went into the team and we swapped things around, going 4-1-4-1 and looking a lot better than we ever did. We thumped Chamchuri 4-0 and from then never really looked back. We didn’t dominate the league or go on any unbeaten runs, but we were hard to break down and hard to beat, and ended my debut season with 13 wins, and finished a respectable seventh in the league’ 

‘And that was that, you left once the season was over?’

‘No, not initially. Towards the end of that season I was asked by a reporter after one game about Bangkok FC being interested in me. I played it down, I mean why would a second division team that had just been relegated to the same league as us, be interested in a manager that’s only been a manager less than a year, and finished mid table? It’s not like I was challenging to get out of the division was it and at that time I doubt I was the man to take Bangkok back up’

‘So you refused them?’

‘No, nothing came of it, but it was nice for my name to be out there’

‘So how did you come to leave to Rajpracha then?’

‘I had a phone call not long after the last game of the season that made my mind up for me’

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Cross posted at On the Break with in game images here.

Chapter 4 - You always remember your first

I’d donned my best Miami Vice inspired suit and headed towards the pitch for my first game as a manager. Ranong United, the overwhelming favourites were up first. You always remember your first of everything. Your first beer, your first time with drugs, your first hooker, your first trans girl, you get the idea. So I will always remember my first match as a football manager. As a side note, from that moment on I kept a log of everything I did as a manager. I kept notes from every game, every training session and every conversation I had with anyone above me. I’m sure you’ll agree as we get further into my story, that this came in handy in more ways than one.

I’d decided on a 4-4-2 to get things started. Who doesn’t love ol’ faithful 4-4-2 eh? Anyway I told the players to keep it simple, not that they could do much else, and not be an idiot and do anything stupid like get sent off, and to ideally score more goals than Ranong did. Baby steps early on and all that.

I got to the bench to shake hands with the little smug tw*t of a manager Ranong had. His hands are really small and he says something that’s probably not very nice in Thai to me, so I tell him to go fu*k his mother and walk back towards my bench.

We actually matched Ranong in every area in the first half. They had a couple of chances that either went wide or our keeper handled easily enough, half chances I believe the cool kids call them. And we weren’t ones for sitting back either. We had a couple of chances ourselves and their keeper was equal to them, apart from right on half time that is.

Still to this day I can’t remember many of my team at Rajpracha, they all looked the same dammit, but one of the little Asian fellas managed to get a cross in from the left that just sort of clipped off a Ranong defender and creeped into the net

From the bench I’d not actually seen what happened. As you can imagine of the handful of fans in the stadium exactly none of them were there to support us, so the silence from them being stunned at conceding to little ol’ Rajpracha was deafening.

At the half I told the players they’re doing well and deserved to be leading. Silence as usual, again.

In the second half Ranong could smell blood and they absolutely dominated us, and not in a good S & M way either. Chance after chance came but they either stuffed it and missed or we had a defender or the keeper to thank for keeping the score at 1 nil to us.

By the final 10 minutes or so they’d ran out of steam and looked like they’d given up, which was perfect for us as I could tell my players were out on their feet. We managed to see the game out and take home a deserved 1-0 win in my first game as manager

At the end as I walked into the corridor to the dressing rooms, the Ranong manager was waiting for me with a look of pure disgust on his face. I looked at him and said ‘Didn’t I tell you to go fu*k your mother?’ and he ran his thumb across his neck like the wrestler the Undertaker does, growled at me and walked off.

People in Thailand are really, really weird.

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Cross posted at On the Break with in game images here.

Chapter 3 - Carry on wayward son. The journey has just begun.

As I landed in Bangkok the first thing I noticed was the smell.

‘F**k me it pengs like 3 day old Chinese takeaway and helicopter fumes!’ Jack said as we made our way through the airport. But we’d made it there unscathed, and the club had been gracious by giving me an extra day before our sit down to recover from jetlag, however we had other ideas.

Bangkok, as depicted in that film The Hangover is exactly like that. Full of bad decisions, ladyboys and hangovers. And my second day there was no different on all 3 counts. We’d engaged in the nightlife pretty much the minute we checked into the hotel, and I’m around 99 percent sure we didn’t get any sleep that night and I rocked up at the club straight from some hell hole of a boozer.

As I walked into the club I was greeted by the obligatory scantly dressed young female that looks like she’d be impregnated if you looked at her flirtatiously, and she did that stupid giggle thing these receptionist types do and titled her head to the side ‘In there, he’s expecting you’

‘Thanks’ I said, whilst trying to focus my vision. ‘Some strong gear they have over here eh pal’ Jack had said as my vision came around, and the girl on the desk looked a lot more manly for some reason. ‘Aye, sure is’ I muttered before walking into the room and being greeted by 2 short Asian men, one of who greets me ‘Ahh Misser Jock, so nice of you come’

‘Thanks, the pleasure was all mine’ Silence. Great.

During the 40 minute or so ‘interview’ I had, these 2 spoke endlessly about Thai women, the World Cup in Qatar (which wasn’t for another 6 years) and how it should be in Thailand, opium seeds and bizarrely, pandas. Actual pandas. I didn’t ask. I was expecting some sudden question about football or about my time in Sweden, but the only time football came up was when Mister Prawit, the chairman, said ‘You start tomorrow. First game against Ranong 4 days time’ and handed me a sheet of paper, which turned out to be a 1 year contract at Bangkok based Rajpracha FC.

I was hopeful that the rest of my career would be as easy as getting my first job was.

My first day on the job in Bangkok was hard. I’ve had plenty of hangovers and come downs, but the heat that day really knocked me for 6 and I felt rough as hell! But the club took a chance on me and I wasn’t going to let this opportunity slip away. I got to the clubs ground, King Mongkuts Institute of Technology Ladkrabang (try saying that after a few sherbets, it’s not easy, trust me I’ve tried!) which isn’t far from where I was staying at the time, around 20 minutes later than the rest of the squad.

With my ever so slightly pounding head and dry throat, I decided there on the spot, that I’d go in with the tough guy approach with my new team. ‘Right then, you lot don’t know me, and I sure as s**t do not know any of you. What I do know is this…’ I waited a moment as the players stared with anticipation at my next words ‘According to the press, you lot are good for a mid table finish, and I will accept nothing less. My name’s Jock, your new boss. Any questions?’ Silence. Tough crowd.

On my way into the training ground after that initial meeting, I was greeted by a short man, mid to late 50’s, a battered up baseball cap on his head on a slant and a cigarette hanging out his mouth. Being the ever approachable person that I am, I hold out my hand and say ‘Now pal. Me Jock, new boss, make football team very good’ in that dumbed down way English speakers try to communicate to non English speakers. He sort of smiled and walked away shaking his head. The people in Thailand I had come into contact with up to that point were good at the silent treatment.

Things got off to a good start in training. I left everything to the squad and we had a decent session, there were a couple of decent looking players, talent wise I mean, not good looking in an attractive sense. There weren’t any real stand outs in the team but they all seemed to gel together well.

The chairman had told me there was no money to spend, on staff or players, not that I knew many players or staff available in Thailand at that point anyway, and I would have to spend the first part of my career tolerating the skills, or lack of, from the clubs existing backroom staff. The difference between their skills and that of a dead ferret was that a dead ferret wasn’t employed at Rajpracaha at the same time that I was. I looked at them in a pitiful sort of way. I don’t know who felt more f**ked, them for having me as the boss, or me for having that sorry lot.

I’d had a couple of niggling concerns after my first few days at the club. The first of them was that without properly looking at the team in more detail, it’s obvious that was a young squad (25 players, 20 under the age of 23) with a couple of experienced players thrown in there for good measure. The second was that the older ones looked like they’d just broken free from the local insanity hospital and I was half tempted to get them sent back there.

Before I called the orderlies in white suits into the club, the boards main objective that year was to simply stay in the Thai third division. An achievable task, even for someone with no experience such as myself.

Ranong United would be the first opponent in my career. No, me neither.

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Cross posted at On the Break with in game images here.

Chapter 2 - Flight to Thailand

After letting the situation play out a million different ways in my head, I had to do a couple of things. The first was to get a glass of water. I could see the kitchen a short walk away so made my way there and as I did I passed a set of stairs, leading to I could only assume the upstairs area and bedrooms. There were some windows at the top of these and the light from outside was shining through them, and it was probably whatever substances I’d taken with booze from the night before that did it, but the light shining from these windows projected the outline of what I thought was an angel coming down from heaven via the aforementioned stairs. She spoke in the subtle and perfect harmony of the Glaswegian accent and said to me ‘Get ta’ f**k will ya am hanging oot me arse here man’

It was just my friends sister, who goes by the name of Kristal (that’s not a typo, she spells it like that) also known as the local prostitute, although Jack doesn’t know that, and no, I’ve never invested in her services. Prostitutes aside I’m managed to get a glass of water and had to decide my next moves.

I can’t remember actually speaking to these people in Thailand but it clearly happened and I figured if for nothing else I’m getting a free trip there. Whether that included a flight back home remained to be seen, but either way I needed to find my passport and a suitcase.

Once I’d gotten things together, as together as I could anyway, I tried to replay in my head exactly how I’d gotten to this position. I figured I’d been steaming drunk when I contacted the club, but then why would a club in Thailand, well anywhere actually, speak to someone that’s just rang up on the off chance and query getting a job as team manager? Answer, they wouldn’t!

Turns out my best pal Jack Whelan had been planning this for a number of weeks. It started out as a bit of a test, he did some major at Uni in sports phycology or whatever and wanted to see how a European manager such as Steve Kean gets on in Brunei, so sent emails in my name so as not to tarnish his own good name, thanks mate.

I did actually take the Skype call though and it was all me mouthing off about working in Scandinavia and telling the club how much I hate Steve and how he’s taking the p**s by going to a club based in Brunei, living there, taking their women and hospitality but working in Singapore. Jack pretty much laid the seeds and me in my drunken state just went on and on for ages. But I’m not one to back down from a challenge so decided that I’d read the emails Jack had sent, schooled myself on what was said in them and decided that I’m going to Thailand, and either I’m coming back in no worse state than I went in, or I’m not coming back because I’ve got a job, not because I’ve pissed them off and they’d killed me, that wouldn’t make for an interesting story now would it?

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Cross posted at On the Break here.

Why did your wife leave you in the end?’ I was asked once, and I vividly remember telling the young reporter from the BBC, or BDM or wherever he was from I wasn’t paying much attention, that she said I didn’t listen to her that much or something along those lines. Anyway, he moved on with his questions and asked me ‘how did I get started in the wonderful and exciting world of football management?’ 

So I answered the question with a question, ‘Do you remember Steve Kean?’

‘Who?’

‘Exactly, who, my young friend’ I said with a big smile

‘I don’t follow’ he said quizzically

‘Well Steve Kean, how best to describe him?’ I gave myself a moment whilst rubbing my stubbly chin before answering, and said ‘Well he got a chance at Blackburn Rovers, absolutely stuffed it and in typical Scottish fashion he blamed everyone but himself, mainly his employers and the fans, then packed his backs and f**ked off to Singapore’

‘Huh. Bit before my time’

‘Quite, anyway he played a role in my career you see’

‘How so?’ Always with the questions this one

‘Well, I didn’t quite stuff it at Blackburn before I f**ked off to Asia. No, I pretty much packed my bags and went as soon as I was ready’

‘Which was…?’

‘Oh, I was 29 I think, don’t think I was quite 30 when I left’

‘Left for where exactly?’

‘Thailand’

‘Why Thailand?’

‘I’ve always been a self centered egotistical manic who was eager to find new things to have sex with, not just humans either, and I went to great lengths find the perfect place to feed that lust for insatiable desire. And Thailand ticks all those boxes’ The look on the young mans face was priceless. Carlsberg don’t do horrified journalists….

He tried, and failed to compose himself before saying ‘Ahh so you went to Thailand, I thought you said this Steve guy went to Singapore?’

‘I did. But I didn’t go to a team that was based in Brunei, and was so good for that country they had to play in the Singapore league did I? Just don’t tell Steve f**kng Kean that, eh!

The young man rolled his eyes, and not for the first time either, and I sensed he wanted me to continue, so I did

‘Anyway, so off I went to Thailand. And I went to a club that plays in Thailand and not Singa-f**king-pore either, like that fraud Steve…’

He cut me off ‘Kean, by any chance?’ He didn’t let me confirm that before adding ‘Take me from the beginning please, how does someone of your, erm, background, get a job in Thailand from Motherwell?’

‘Well like all good stories involving Scottish people, it started with a drink or 2, whisky if I remember rightly. I woke up, as I usually did, on the floor of someone’s house, this time it was a 3 bed semi not far from my own house, Motherwell probably lost that day, hence the booze. Anyway I spied out of the corner of my eye that my laptop was there and it was turned on. You writing this down? Good. Anyway I sat up, got my baring’s and opened the computer up and checked the screen. Chrome was open, as was Gmail and conveniently the email which changed everything’

Mr Galloway,

Thank you for your time earlier.

Both myself and the chairman were impressed with your confidence which you’ve clearly gained from your illustrious coaching career so far despite being so young. We can’t wait to hear more about your time in Sweden, Iceland and Bulgaria.

I am also deeply intrigued for your hatred towards the current DPMM manager Steve Kean and very much look forward to you outlining your plans to take our club from the third division to, as you put it, the dizzying f**king heights of the world of football. We’re a small club with big ambitions, as big as your own it seems.

The flights are booked and tickets should be with you shortly. We look forward to welcoming you to our country and club in 5 days time.

Take care

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‘I didn’t know you managed in Sweden, Iceland and Bulgaria?’

‘I didn’t’

‘So why did…ooooooh’ The penny dropped almost instantly

‘Yes, I lied. You need to lie sometimes’

‘Have you lied about your career a lot then?’

‘Only when I’ve needed to’

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Cross posted at On the Break here.

Can I get San Pedro (Ivory Coast) kits please

Kit manufacturrer - Erra or Asics please

Home - Orange and black, if possilbe in a style like this

Doesn't need to be exactly like that, just orange with a black trim and black line of some sort down the middle.

Away / third - Any colour & styles, you choose 🙂

Sponsor - Petro Ivoire, although not sure if the colours will work on an orange kit:

Badge - 

Thank you!

Thanks mate appreciate it

Good start this

Oh my bad, any mate you decide 🙂

Please can I get kits for Al-Salmiya

Home - Sky blue same as Coventry City

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Please can anyone make this in the smaller size?

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Perfect thank you!

Hi, can I get DT Long An kits please

Home - Red and white, stipes or halves, you choose

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Please can someone make the newest Ha Noi bade in all sizes please:

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You're back! Not been on here myslef for a while. As always your saves are really intersting. Definitely following mate!

Great read this, keep it up

The Flying Scotsman. Chapter 13 - 3 minutes to midnight

The Wiseman held weekly meetings, usually by telephone with his bosses back home. However on this particular meeting, him and Two Times were graced by the presence of someone only known as Jimmy The Juice, who’d come on behalf of The Big Guy, the top boss overseeing the operation

Once the pleasantries were out of the way, The Wiseman got to business ‘Hong Kong for the most part has been good to us’

‘I can see that. The Big Guy is happy with the return already’ Jimmy said

‘The work we’ve put in with the cup games has helped the team in the league as well’

‘How so?’

‘Well we’ve got people in on the gig with the cups, there’s 4 cups here. We’ve got them set up to help the results, and the team is playing winning them games which is helping in the league as well, in the 12 league games we’ve lost 4 but we’re top by 1 point with a game in hand’

‘I can see the money you’ve brought in has already turned a profit, but realistically how close are we to making the same sort of money as we were in Norway?’

‘Very close. We haven’t done anything with the league games but the Scot is bossing it there, I wouldn’t be surprised if he won that as well, so we’re going to get some bets on that shortly and get the odds up’

The Wiseman wasn’t wrong. In 24 games from the start of the season, Double Flower had managed 11 wins in the league and for want of a better word, dominated the cup games they were in, winning 3 and losing 1 in the Sapling cup groups, then grabbing a last minute winning in the semi final against Eastern District, in a game why they also conceded a last minute equaliser, to set up a final with Kitchee

The Hong Kong League cup, Senior Challenge Shield and FA cup runs were just as good, with the Senior Shield final coming early on in the season. They’d play Kitchee, the team in Hong Kong that has won the most trophies.

In the run up to the game the local bookmakers had seen a slight increase in expected bets for the game. A large number of bets were placed on Double Flower winning the game as well as, unusually with red cards being issued at over 1.5, with odds regularly changing with the top 4 bookies in Hong Kong

This spike in numbers didn’t raise any alarms, and even as the game kicked off the odds of a Double Flower win kept creeping up, and it didn’t take long for the bookies prediction of a Double Flower win to come to fruition.

Left winger Kamel showed his class as he skinned an opponent and cut inside on to his right to rifle a shot past the keeper to set the tone for the game, he would run out the games best performer from this moment on

He went from scorer to provider 5 short minutes later, as his cross was bundled by the Kitchee defence to allow forward Chen Qi to tap in a headed shot to give them a 2 goal lead

Half time came and went with very little being said. Jock and the team knew what they had in the lead and didn’t change anything up.

The game soon turned when Siu Kwan earned 2 yellow cards in quick succession. The first for a bad tackle on Ramazotti which was easily warranted. The second minutes later was for dissent although it didn’t look like he said much to the ref. The ref called for another foul on Ramazotti inside the Double Flower half, which Siu Kwan threw his arms in the air, looking as though he took exception to the foul and the referee raced over, around 13 yards or so to Siu Kwan and brandished the second yellow and the red.

Although they were down to 10 men and had played badly, Kitchee pulled a goal back almost immediately after the red. A long ball from defence found it’s way to young striker Shing who just tapped it under the Double Flower keeper.

Only a consolation as Double Flower piled on the pressure to add a third and kill the game off. Kitchee were resilient in defence but conceded another red card and a penalty for a double footed challenge in the box. Another dubious decision, as Chun Lam, the player sent off had only been on the pitch a matter of minutes

Kamel, the games best player stepped up to take the spot kick, but the Kitchee keeper guessed correctly and saved it

Not to be deterred, they kept hold of the ball and saw the game out, to win the Shield 2-1

With 3 more cups and the league to go, there was a lot for Jock and Double Flower to concentrate on.

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The Flying Scotsman. Chapter 12 - It's a new day, yes it is

‘I’m surprised by it myself to be fair’ Jock said as The Wiseman sat down, and poured another cup of coffee

‘Why? You’re a great manager’

‘Asked my last 2 clubs what they think’

‘Oh be quiet. You’ve really come into your own here. Survival under your leadership was just a matter of when, not if. And you’ve got a lot to look forward to this upcoming season’

The Wiseman wasn’t wrong. Despite going winless in their last 6 games of the season, Double Flower managed to survive relegation by 1 point. The penultimate game was a cracker in which they drew 4 all away to Hong Kong Rangers, in the game that saw them mathematically avoid the drop

Despite saving the club from going down, the chairman was still annoyed that the club didn’t win the league

‘Fuck him anyway, we run the club now’ Two Times had said after the teams last game, a 1-0 loss away to South China. His claim that they ran the club wasn’t questioned by anyone else in the room. 

Certainly The Wiseman had some sort of control over the chairman, he never questioned anything The Wiseman said and was regularly told without Jock being there the club would’ve been relegated, losing the Chairman much more money than he won by staying up.

The clubs plans, namely The Wisemans, were to recruit players with the hope of winning at least 1 trophy in the upcoming season. the club were to take part in at least 4 competitions. The league as well as 3 cups, the Hong Kong Senior Challenge Shield, the Hong Kong FA Cup and the Hong Kong League Cup.

The Chairman had insisted on giving Jock the aim of winning the league again, and the Wiseman had said they’d be aiming for just that

‘Hang on bonny lad, we’re not winning the league, not yet anyway’ Jock protested

‘Have faith in the clubs recruitment process my friend’ The Wiseman had tried to calm Jock down ‘We’ve got the pieces in play, on and off the field. We’re going all out this season’

The clubs director of football later that day confirmed they’d finales deals on 5 incoming players. All were young enough to still improve but experienced enough to make an impact that season.

3 of the signings, Acaymo Reyes, Pascual Carrasco and Hector Munoz had all been born in Spain but curiously raised in Hong Kong, meaning they held Hong Kong passports and didn’t take up any space in the clubs foreign player limits (max of 4 foreigners in the league).

The other 2 players, Lilley Nunez (born in Mexico, but lived in Hong Kong long enough to be classed as homegrown, and Mark Swainton (Born in the Philippines but also lived in Hong Kong long enough to be declared homegrown) also didn’t impact the foreign player rule

They’d also decided they needed another outlet to provide the goals they’d need, so as not to rely on Ramzotti too much, despite his goals more or less keeping the team up. Step in Chinese forward Chen Qi.

Kitchee were the first opponents for Double Flower of the new season, in which they were the favourites to win it, and Double Flower odds on to struggle again.

Things got off to a decent start, so much so that in the first 15 minutes Jocks team had 5 corners. By the 25th minute and corner number 6, they’d taken the lead.

An in swinger to the near post was flicked on by Ramazotti onto the onrushing Nunez who powered a header right into the net. No keeper in the world would’ve stopped that.

Another debutant, Chen Qi doubled the teams lead before half time with a daisy cutter that sneaked its way into the near post. 2-0 and looking good

Right as the fourth official was putting the board up for 3 extra minutes, the lead was stretched to 3. Kamel was having his shirt pulled right in front of the ref who made the easiest call of his life with the penalty, which Kamel smashed home to give Double Flower 3 goals and 3 points

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Subject – Operation Rolling Thunder

Attachment – RT_COB_2.wav & RT_COB_3.wav and text copies with annotations attached

Notes:

Call 1, recording had commenced after 01 minute and 09 seconds of dialog. Call made from a Stockholm, Sweden payphone, answered at an address in Malmo, Sweden.

Use of code words present in RT_Cob_3.wav

Surveillance ongoing

[Male no.1, assumed to be Carlos Santori, known associate of the Fagioli organised crime family, as yet unconfirmed] How’s it going in Hong Kong?

[Male no.2, American accent, as yet unidentified although assumed to be an accomplice known as The Wiseman] On track. Our guys taken to life here like a duck to water

[Male no.1] Any resistance?

[Male no.2] No not really. Kamels agent wanted a bigger signing on fee but Two Times (Suspected loan shark Daniel (Danny) Thompson known as Two Times) made him agree to the original fee

[Male no.1] [Audible sigh] He didn’t kill again did he?

[Male no.2] Hahah no, not yet anyway

[Male no.1] Just play it cool for now. Once we get a foothold there we’ll start rigging the games. Have you got anyone else involved yet?

[Male no.2] Yes and no. A couple of low level bettors in the city seem okay and haven’t clicked on that we’re betting on the same team. I’ve spoke to a local dealer earlier, but I’ve not managed to get anyone signed up officially yet

[Male no.1] Keep on [Inaudible] and then let us know

[Male no.2] Don’t send anyone else yet. Our guy’s just finished up this season and I want to keep an eye on him. He likes a drink apparently

[Male no.1] Well he is Scottish. Anyway let’s leave it there. I’ll be in touch

Click

Call ended at 15:04 Stockholm time

Second call 5 days later. Call recording commenced as soon as call was placed. Auth. Given by court. Same individuals conversing as in the previous call.

Code words being used, Seth’s team are working to decode these.

[Male no.1] I hear the fish are biting this time of year

[Male no.2] You’d be surprised

[Male no.1] Is the layby ready to go? 

[Male no.2] Nearly there. Still 1 last thing we need to build

[Male no.1] Just remember there’s bound to be some sticky fingers when you get there

[Male no.2] I’ve got that covered. Two Times has been on the lookout, he’s there now

[Male no.1] Did you not go with him?

[Male no.2] I did, but I’ve left him there. I’m just about to meet with the Scot and discuss the next steps

[Male no.1] Baby steps, please. Don’t try and do too much too soon

[Male no.2] The Big Guy (suspected head of the Fagioli family Sergio Ramon, unconfirmed) wants to see some progress early on. Early checks tell me we can make some decent cheddar

[Male no.1] It’s not a massive market there though. Like I told you, get a decent return there and move him on. Keep your agents in line and keep looking at other areas

[Male no.2] Two Times thinks he can get us some contacts in Australia before we’re done here

[Male no.1] Keep me informed

Click

Call ended 18:33 Stockholm time. Call was made from a mobile phone, location determined as somewhere in Hong Kong.

The Flying Scotsman. Chapter 11 - If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly our whole life would change.

Jocks first game was against Pegasus FC, managed by Kevin Bond. He’s mates with Harry Redknapp apparently. Anyway there was no battle cry from Jock to the players, no motivational speech, just the tried and tested ‘Go out there and give these fans their money’s worth’ or something to that extent.

The game wasn’t your average top of the league playing bottom of the league affair. It was a nervy game but Double Flower (I still can’t get over that a team is called that!) settled first and took an unlikely lead.

One of many long diagonal balls from the wings into Ramazotti was eventually found by the new striker, and he nodded down to his right into the on rushing Cheng Lai Hin who hit it first time, under the keeper and into the net. 1-0!

Things went from great to terrible literally right from the restart. As Pegasus played the ball back, center midfielder Seb Fiedler had a rush of blood and went in 2 footed to earn himself a straight red. Stupid, stupid tackle

After screaming for most of the 15 minutes at half time at Fielder, Jock remembered he had 10 others on the pitch with a battle on their hands. He dismissed Fielder and spoke bluntly to the rest of them

‘Well just do what you can. We’ll probably end up conceding at least one, but don’t crumble, maybe we’ll get them on the break. Bridgey, out else to say?’ He turned to Michael Bridges who had a clip board in hand and with what looked like some drawings on, but he shook his head

‘Get back out there, give it all you’ve got lads’ Jock said as they returned to the pitch.

The man advantage woke Pegasus up though and they took firm control of the game from half time. Jock made the decision to bring Ramazotti off on his debut at the half and replace with him Leung Ho-Yin, a defensive midfielder. He left goal scorer Lai Hin up top hoping to get on the end of some clearances, but he didn’t manage much.

For all of the possession Pegasus had, they didn’t do much with it. A couple of tame shots never really tested Ho Ting in the Double Flower goal, but come the final 5 minutes it was back to the walls stuff, as expected. Dropping to a 5-1-3 abomination of a tactic, Pegasus found it hard to break down the defence. Frustration soon kicked in and Pegasus accepted defeat. 

It was a solid start in Hong Kong for Jock. They still sat bottom of the league but finally managed to win their first game of the season

The Flying Scotsman. Chapter 10 - Minds are like flowers, they only open when the time is right

Double Flower FC, great name by the way, are a team based in Mong Kok (another great name) in Hong Kong, are currently rock bottom of the Hong Kong Premier league with 11 games to go

Things move quickly in football. One minute Jock was celebrating a top 6 finish in Norway’s third division, and the next he’s trying to stave off relegation with a team of incompetent & inconsistent players and an owner that’s expecting them to win the league. Although to achieve that league title Kan Wai Lun has provided Jock with a healthy transfer budget of just over the equivalent of eight hundred and eighty five thousand Great British pounds, which Jock, with the help of the Wiseman get to spending right away.

Clearly a goal scorer is needed, as well as some defensive ability, and a play maker wouldn’t go amiss either. The Wiseman said he’d got contacts that scour the Asian markets and have found 4 such players to fit the bill.

First in, the day after Jock arrived was forward Ramazotti on a free transfer. Last playing for DPMM in Singapore, he’s the man tasked with getting the goals to keep Double Flower up

Next in was full back David Niepsuj from Poland. Not a world beater back home but certainly a top end full back in Hong Kong.

Winger Samil Kamel was brought in from Honefoss in Norway. Jock thought better to question this transfer with the Wiseman, even though he did say he scoured Asia, but he wasn’t moaning. Kamel looked the part in training, the hope was he could come good when needed

Lastly more to make up numbers than anything was center half Buisak Lim on a free. No worse than the defenders already at the club, but hopefully a bit of depth would help.

Armed with the new recruits Jock set about stopping the slide to the relegation trap door. Despite already trying and failing to save 1 team from relegation, hopefully it’s a case of second time lucky.

To help him on his quest for survival, The Wiseman had made contact with a couple of members of staff on Jocks behalf, whether he liked it or not.

Former player Michael Bridges was tempted to join Jock in Hong Kong in his first non-player role since retiring. The Wiseman and Jock both in agreement that he can’t be any worse than the last person in the role

With a decent right hand man in tow and some fresh faces to the starting line up, operation attempt to survive relegation (again) can commence

The Flying Scotsman. Chapter 9 - Every new beginning is some other beginnings end

‘So you got sacked, again’
 

‘Piss off’
 

‘It’s not all that bad, I’ve….’ Jock cut The Wiseman off
 

‘It is bad. I’ve had 2 jobs and both times I’ve been sacked, I’m not even 2 years into my career yet!’
 

‘Before you go off on 1 of your rants, hear me out’ The Wiseman waited a moment ‘Loads of players take a while to get up to speed, years even. Not all managers flew out the gates right from the off did they’
 

‘I get that, but I must be really shit to get sacked twice!’
 

‘But you’re not. You had Brattvag at the top of the league for the full first half of the season. Don’t overthink it, you’ll land on your feet soon enough’
 

‘How? I’m not exactly a great catch am I’
 

The Wiseman stayed silent for a moment, before Jock spoke again ‘I’m done already aren’t I. No sane person will take me on after this’
 

Sensing Jocks unease, The Wiseman said ‘Which is exactly what is going to happen’
 

‘What?’
 

‘No sane person will take you on, and no sane person will, well not at the minute anyway’
 

‘Speak sense will ya’
 

‘I know people I’m sure you’ve figured that out. But I know a guy who’s got a club, and he’s looking for a manager’
 

‘Fucking ey’ pal, where’s he at?’
 

‘Hong Kong’
 

‘HONG KONG?!?’
 

‘Yes, now listen, I’ve put your name forward for the job but the owners a bit, erm, how can I put it. He’s a bit of a handful’
 

‘A handful, how?’
 

‘Well he’s just sacked his manager’
 

‘Okay, why?’
 

‘He claims the team are under-achieving. They just got promoted to the Premier League but are currently bottom with 11 games to go’
 

‘This sounds a bit risky. But how are they under-achieving?’
 

‘The owner wanted them to win the Premier League’
 

‘Oh well that can a long term objective surely?'
 

‘No. he wanted them to win it this year!’
 

‘They’ve just been promoted’
 

‘Exactly. Like I said he’s a handful. I’ve spoken to him and told him he won’t be winning the league this year, and he’ll be lucky to see his team stay in the division. But the guy I’m putting forward to him will win something at that club, I guarantee it’
 

‘That guy being me?’
 

‘Yes’
 

‘But you can’t go saying I’ll win something before I’ve even got there!’
 

‘Don’t worry about it. I’ve got some agents on the phone ready to get their clients in to the club to claw them to safety’
 

‘And this is all above board?’
 

‘Why do you keep asking that? In fact don’t answer, but yes everything is above board’
 

‘Okay then, what choice do I have?’
 

‘A couple really. You can go and try secure employment without my help, I advise against that however. Or you can give Hong Kong a go and see where it takes you’
 

‘Okay then pal, I’m with ya’. When do we leave?’
 

‘Today. I’ll get the paperwork all sorted while you get your things. Trust me Jock, this is the job that’s going to open doors for you, I just know it’

The Flying Scotsman. Chapter 9 -What goes up, must come down

Things had been going well for Jock in Norway. After 16 league games he’d found himself top of the 2.division after 11 wins

He’d felt he was getting to know the team better as well. During 1 game they had been losing 1-0 at half time to FK Vidar. The proverbial hairdryer treatment came into effect as Jock had lost his temper for the first time as a manager

He said a lot of things that would never make it onto TV, and the team responded perfectly well. Right from kick off the dominated the rest of the game and came out with a 4-1 win

He’d been speaking to the Wiseman regularly as well. Although nothing in writing was agreed they had decided on an unwritten rule that the Wiseman would be Jocks agent, or advocate, whatever term was used during any particular conversation. For the most part it was just the 2 of them bouncing ideas off of each other regarding tactics and training, that kind of thing.

The Wiseman made a joke that if Jock manages to take Brattvag down as well then he might have to try and get a job in the lower leagues of England. Jock laughed it off but the thought resonated with him. England? Fuck.

The worry of stuffing another job up so early in his career had stayed at the forefront of Jocks mind, and it showed publicly as well.

After going from winning 11 in their first 16 games, they went another 10 games without a win, managing to just grab a 1 all draw in that run, which saw the team slip down to 6th in the league come the end of Jocks first season in Norway

At the end of that last league game, a 3-1 away loss, the teams fourth in a row, Jock held a meeting with the players. He addressed the form and the lack of goals. He asked the team a question right at the end that came out of nowhere

‘Is it me? Is it me you’re not playing for? Am I reason the for this really poor second half of the season? If it is, someone speak up. If not, I no longer need your attention today, dismissed’

No one did speak and one by one the players all left, heads down not wanting to look their manager in the eye. By the time they’d all left only Jock was sat in the dressing room at the ground of Notodden where Brattvag chairman Matias Engen walked in and sat next to Jock. Sensing something bad was coming, Jock made the first move

‘We’ll come back better and stronger. That second half of the season, I can’t put my finger on it, I really don’t know why we couldn’t play as well as we did in those first 13 games’

Matias shook his head ‘Ultimately, it’s down to the manager to address poor form and results’

‘Oh I know that, I take full responsibility for that poor showing’

‘We were top of the league for so long Jock, we had 1 hand on promotion’

‘I wouldn’t go that far mate. We were top with 13 games to go. That’s a long time in football’

‘I made assurances to people I know, I promised them promotion and money’

‘That’s on you pal, I never once promised that’

‘Sorry Jock, I can’t let this slide. You let me down, you’ve let the club down and ultimately you’ve cost me a lot of money’

‘What the fuck are you talking about?!?’

‘Thanks for this season Jock, but it’s your one and only one at my club’

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The Flying Scotsman. Chapter 8 - Makin' plans

‘I don’t know what you see in him’ the older man asked

‘Just trust me on this’ The Wiseman said

‘He’s nothing special, he took his first team down if you remember’

‘Of course I do it’s….’

He was cut off by the older man ‘He’s a risk. We’ve got a lot of eyes on us at the minute, we can’t be doing anything stupid’

‘Every player we sign is a risk. The deal to buy those clubs is a risk. Hear me out first please’ he waited a moment before continuing ‘He’s young enough that we can mold him to what we need. Like the young players we’ve got, we can get him to a club, or clubs that we want him to go to’

‘But he’s struggled again’

‘So? All players and managers go through bad patches. Look at this way, he’s listened to everything I’ve said to him, he knows what he’s good at and is learning all the time. This year in Norway is just a blip’

‘And the next steps? I trust you’re aware of what the Big Man wants?’

‘Yes, I’ve heard what he wants to do in Asia’

‘What do you make of it?’

‘It’s risky. More risky than usual’ he waited for a reply that didn’t come, so continued ‘It’s okay flooding the market in Sweden and Norway where we know the people we need to, but going to China and trying to rig games there or influence the odds in our favour, I don’t like it’

‘No risk no reward my young friend’ The older man said and continued with ‘You’ve got to remember, we are where we are here because we took risks in Sweden, then onto Norway and Holland. At the end of the day it’s only money. No one is getting hurt and as far as I’m aware no one has ever been caught and sent to prison for what we do’

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The Wiseman sighed and made his way out of the room. He was hoping to avoid getting dragged into going to Asia, but the Big Man, the boss of the whole operation had wanted to enter the market there for a while now. ‘A lot of money to be taken over there’ was what he kept saying. But they didn’t know any street people, or bookmakers or any other shady individuals that would help there, and the Big Man wasn’t known for his patience.

But he thought better of it and made a call to a contact ‘Two-Times, is that you?’ he said when the phone was answered

‘Damn straight it is, it is’ the caller replied

‘Grab your stuff. We’re making a little trip’

‘Where we going to, going to?’

‘Hong Kong’
 

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The Flying Scotsman. Chapter 7 - Shipping up to Norway

‘I don’t understand, we’ve never met how do…’

The caller cut Jock off ‘Yes yes quite. As you know I’ve been dealing with your agent. I’m in a rut with the team, and you need a job. I don’t want to have to spend time interviewing and speaking to multiple people. I’ve got the okay from your agent, you just need to agree to my offer’ the man said in perfect English

‘My agent, right’ Jock said more to himself than to the man on the other end of the phone ‘Yeah okay, I’ll accept. How far from Hollviken are you?’

‘You have a car?’

‘Yes of course’ Jock lied

’13 hours if there’s no traffic’

’13 fucking hours?!?! Where on Earth are you? You can’t be in Sweden’

‘Sweden? Who said anything about Sweden? I’m in Brattvag, northern Norway. Surely you’d know this before you applied to be my manager?’

Hanging up the phone Jock hastily gathered the few things he actually had taken to Hollviken with him and put them in a bag, and off he went to Northern Norway, to a place called Brattvag, home of Brattvag FC

On the way to his new employers he’d noticed they’d put a press release out of his arrival at the club. Thankfully nothing was mentioned of his inability to keep Hollviken in the league, the news report only mentioned being knocked out of the cup by a lower league side. 

Upon arriving at the club and meeting the need to know people, he’s impressed by some of the players there. Overseeing more than getting involved in the first training session, Jocks eyes are immediately drawn towards midfielders Didrik Flotre, Christian Dahl, and forward Jeffter Osafo

The clubs assistant manager, Tor Hogne, had greeted Jock before he met the players, and gave him a report of the players at his disposal

‘Here’s the clubs latest signing. On loan from Aalesund is Lars Valderhaug’

‘He’s the best we’ve got at center half is he?

‘Well sort of. He’s going to be quite good give it a year or so’ Tor said

‘Well I guess we’ll work with the players we’ve got. I don’t think we’re signing anyone else’

Jock then made his way to the players lounge to formally introduce himself as the new manager of Brattvag. As he walked into the room, nerves overcame him. He wasn’t sure how the players would react to him or know about his recent failure at Hollviken

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‘Just be honest, and say what comes to mind’ were the words The Wiseman had told Jock on the phone that morning. It also occurred to Jock right then that he’d spoken to the Wiseman a number of times, but never in person.

He opened the door and said the first thing that came to mind ‘Afternoon lads. My name is Jock McGhee. Any questions?’

A man stood up, tall but not as tall as Jock and spoke ‘I know you. You’re the guy that got Hollviken relegated’

Jock was taken aback by this but before he could say anything the man continued ‘I also heard you tried bribing the ref in that last game, is that right?’

‘First of all, that wasn’t my fault. I took over that club when there was no hope, I gave them a fighting chance. Anyway I see you’ve done your research’

‘Not really, my brother plays for Osters. He told me all about you. So did you bribe the ref?’

‘Obviously not otherwise I wouldn’t be here would I! Anyway who in the blue hell are you?’

‘Finn Alvestad, star midfielder, and I want out of this shit show’

Sensing he had to show some authority to the players, Jock hastily replied ‘You wanna leave? No issue from me bonny lad, away you go down the hall and train with the youth team. Never mind the reserves, you’re training with the young kids’ Jock replied and motioned to the door

‘You’re going to regret this. By the time I’ve spoken to all the other players that aren’t here today, you’ll have a mutiny on your hand’ Alvestad said and stormed off

Speaking quietly to Tor Jock asked ‘Is he any good, that shit house?

‘Not really. He didn’t play much last season, you’ve got better players than him in the team, you won’t miss him’

‘Cheers’ Turning to the other players in the room, Jock told them a mid-table finish is not out of the question and that he’s going to give each a chance in the 

upcoming season.

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The Flying Scotsman. Chapter 6 - The Wiseman cometh

‘So you got sacked?’ the voice had said

’10 points for Captain obvious over here’ Jock replied before quickly saying ‘Also who in the hell are you?’

‘Just call me The Wiseman’

‘The Wiseman? Laddy you’re having a laugh or what?’

‘How are you holding up anyway?’

‘Oh now you’ve gone from being a tit to being nice? How did you get my number anyway?’

‘Straight shooting eh, I like it. I work for a company…’

Jock cut him off ‘Well I don’t do I’

The caller didn’t stop ‘And my job is to represent players, coaches, managers in football’

‘Like an agent?’

‘Exactly’

‘So why are you…’ It suddenly hit Jock ‘You want to represent me?!’

‘You could say that. The main bulk of the company’s clients are players who we secure to long term deals, with the aim of getting them deals with clubs who meet their requirements, but don’t worry about that just yet. I saw what you did in those handful games with Hollviken. A full season there and you’d have had them mid table easily’

‘Maybe, but it wasn’t meant to be was it’

‘No. Anyway have you managed to get any interviews anywhere else since leaving Hollviken?’

‘Not really. I have heard of jobs going back home in Scotland but I couldn’t wait to leave there, and I’m going back once I’m a somebody worth a damn’

‘Well you can’t be picky really. You’re not exactly a great catch are you’

‘Thanks’

‘I’ve got it on good authority that your name is actually being mentioned in Norway’

‘Behave’

‘I’m being serious. I’ve got good contacts in Scandinavia as well as other places, and I’ve put a good word in’

‘But you’ve never met me’

‘I have, you just don’t remember it’

‘Okay, so assuming this club need a manager and actually want me of all people, how do I get in touch with them?’

‘You hang up the phone to me now, and at 3 this afternoon the chairman, a man called Matias will ring you and discuss things. Then it’s up to you what you do, but my advice is take the offer, there’s not many teams that will take you on’

‘And how do I know all this is true and above board?’

‘You don’t. Speak soon Jock’

Click.

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The Flying Scotsman. Chapter 5 - Touching distance

With 1 game of the season left to go, Jock has somehow managed to drag this club to within touching distance of survival. After engaging in a few pre match drinks the night before the biggest game of the season, all he can seem to think of saying to the boys is something along the lines of Delia Smiths’ let’s be havin’ you speech’. He persuades himself otherwise, eventually.

They’re on a hiding to nothing in reality. The team are nervous and Jock can tell they are. The players are all silent as they all get ready in the dressing room. The pre game team talk isn’t much, he tells them not to think too much about the game and to go out and play their natural football. They all walk slowly towards the pitch where it could by their last walk together. If Hollviken win the game they get 1 more chance of survival, if they lose and go down it’s almost certain Jock will out of a job less than 6 months since starting.

Hollviken start off well enough, and by that I mean they didn’t concede a goal or have anything thrown at them that they couldn’t handle. The ball goes out of play for a throw and one of the Oster players is down getting treatment, so Jock took this opportunity to check the Qvindig score. As he does the bastards have just conceded a second at home to Prespa!

That meant Hollviken were just 1 point behind them in the league, and the onus was on Jocks side even more now to grab this game by the horns. He shouts encouragement to the players, he’s animated and doing everything he can on the sideline to get the opening goal.

It doesn’t take long for his non-sensical shouting in Scottish to influence the first goal. A long clearance from Oster found its way into the Hollviken area and the Hammer flapped at it like a fucking flapping duck taking flight for the first time in it’s life. The ball went over his head and landed inch perfect at the feet of Levi who just tapped it into the empty net. Fuck.

To take the piss even more Qvindig pulled 1 back to give them a glimmer of hope of securing that play off spot, but Jock had to try and forget about those twats and concentrate on his own game.

They see more of the ball than Osters did after the goal and had 3 more shots on target, but they were right at the keeper and are what you’d call routine saves. Hollviken get to half time still trailing by 1, but Qvindig have also conceded another, meaning they’re losing 3-1 in their game

There’s still a glimmer of hope. Jock tries his best to pick the players up at half time. They’ve been the better team and were unlucky with the goal. Jock tells the Hammer to forget about it and concentrate on winning the second half.

They go out there and actually start the second half poorly. They’re under the cosh right from the whistle and Jock had thought, stupidly, if we ride this wave of momentum we can get back into the game. How wrong he was.

A low cross from the left was comically put into his own net as Hennigson swung his leg to clear it but the ball bobbled right as he hit it and it found it’s way into the net. The Hammer tried to stop it and got a fingertip to it but it was too late. 2-0 to Osters and Hollvikens league survival looking a lot grimmer than it did only 3 short minutes ago

They change to a front 3 and try to go all out attack. Route one and a high line was worked on in training and they did manage to claw a goal back with 20 minutes to play. But the ref blew for offside and disallowed it. The fourth official didn’t know who was offside but the ref had given it. No need to moan about it now as Jock was ushered back to his seat by assistant manager Ingves and the game continued on.

Not to be deterred the boys kept plugging away. Qvindig were doing their part in Jocks survival effort by still trailing at home, and Hollviken did manage to get a goal, and what a goal it was.

Wihlborg took the ball all the way from right full back, down the wing and managed to get into space on the edge of the box. Nothing was on in the middle so he hit it and it stayed hit! It thundered right into the far corner with the keeper just looking on. 2-1, 10 minutes to go. Lifeline maybe?

By the time Jock given instructions to Sekiraca on the bench, who he’d wanted to come on after the goal, the ref had restarted the game and as soon as Jock had motioned to the fourth official, the gameplan was undone. Right from kick off Oster just ran it right through the middle, no one in the Hollviken side took charge and Johannesson took it round the keeper to give them a 3-1 lead, which killed off the game and with it their hopes of survival

Jock didn’t even take in the fourth goal for Osters as he was stood on the sideline lost for words. They were this close to pulling off the great escape, but chucked it all away right at the end. Hollviken, despite the score line played well all things considered, and were unlucky in the first half with the goal and only gave up when the third goal went in.

It didn’t matter than Qvindig lost. All that mattered was that Hollviken had lost. Jock told the players at the end that they gave it their all, maybe they did maybe they didn’t, and that if only they’d managed to turn 1 of those draws into a win they’d have been safe. Jock thanks them for their efforts and that we’ll all catch up later in the week to discuss next season.

Jock shakes a few hands and get some words of commiseration from the Oster players on his way out. He finds Simon Larsson, the Hollviken chairman standing by his car in the car park. He looks devastated, as would anyone in his position.

He walks over, shakes Jocks hand and looks him in the eye and says ‘Thanks for trying. You did what you could’. Jock replies by telling him ‘If I’d have joined earlier, I reckon we’d have stayed up’. Simon simply nods and says ‘Yeah, probably. We live and learn my friend’ and offers Jock a smoke, which he declines by saying ‘I’m an alcoholic but not a smoker’

He doesn’t even need to say the words Jock knows are coming. Simon looks up at Jock one last time and before he can say anything, Jock cuts him off

‘I know, I know mate. It’s fine. Maybe we’ll work together in the future?’

‘Who knows Jock. Best of luck my friend’

The Flying Scotsman. Chapter 4 - Time moves fast in an instant flash

Things in football generally move quite fast. After those opening 2 games in charge of Hollviken, it almost felt like Jock had blinked and he was already at the final 2 games of the season. Things hadn’t gone quite as planned but they still had a chance, let me explain

After those 2 back-to-back wins, the teams lack of defensive capabilities shone through. 5 losses and a draw in the next 8 games told the story really. They managed to win a couple by the skin of their teeth but never looked confident in either.

The final 2 games were against Norby and Osters, both of whom were in the top 5 of the league and nowhere near the level that Hollviken had been. The way it works in this league, the bottom 3 go down, and the fourth bottom plays a relegation play off game with the other fourth bottom placed team in the other group in this league to determine who else goes down. Still following? Good.

Hollviken had 23 points and were sat in 12th position, 7 off safety, so the aim was to get to the 11th place and the play off game and hope to win that. All they had to do was win the next 2 games, easy.

That old cliché of ‘we’ll take it 1 game at a time’ most certainly rang true here. While they can still go down at least it’s in their own hands to grab that play off place. 

Jock tells the players as much in the days leading up to the game. They’d worked on defence in the 2 weeks since that last league game and looked decent enough in the sessions, albeit against local nobody’s and their own reserves, aka a bunch of greyed out players nobody knows where they came from.

As the players walk out to the pitch, Jock shakes hands with the Norby manager, the small little fat thing reminded Jock of the Penguin from the old Batman series. He says something in Swedish, probably some words of encouragement or that his hair looks nice, Jock just smiles and thinks to himself ‘whatever fat man I’m here to win today’

Whilst Hollviken were playing Jock keeps an ear on the Qviding score and hope if it doesn’t go the way he needs it to, then hopefully the players don’t crumble.

Hollviken started off well. They kept the ball and moved it around well. There was a half chance to score but the keeper wasn’t troubled, however he soon would be.

On the inside left channel young forward Thorbjornsson rifled in a shot that went in at the near post to give Jocks side the lead. The keeper could’ve done better but Hollviken weren’t complaining. 1-0 but with a lot of the game still to go.

They kept plugging away for a second and came close again, the keeper equal to the attempt that time. Just as they took a hold of the game Qviding had taken the lead at home to Trollhattan

Their 2 point cushion still in tact, and the Hollviken players must’ve gotten wind of the goal, Jock wasn’t sure who from but it wasn’t him, a fan maybe? But they let their guard down as almost right after the Qviding goal Hollviken conceded a goal to level the scores with only their second shot in the game at that point, first on target for what its worth.

Their heads didn’t drop and Jock told his staff not to keep an eye on the Qviding score any more. It worked as they managed a second goal before half time to give them a slim lead heading into the break

In the dressing room at the half, Jock tells the players not to be complacent and think the game is over, far from it. Norrby had equalised once already they probably could again, so keep your heads up and go get that third goal, which they did.
 

Shortly after the break they managed to add another goal to give themselves a 3-1 lead, the same score line that Qviding were also winning by

Just as they added a fourth goal so did Qviding to see both of them lead 4-1 in their must win games in the penultimate game of the season. Jock and Hollviken can’t control what happens in other games but they more than deserved to win their own match

With that they head into the last game of the season hoping for 2 things. First is they need to win their game, that is the most important thing. They also need Qviding to lose their game by any score line, as long as Hollviken win. 

If those 2 things happen, they’ll get 1 more chance of survival by finishing in that relegation play off place.